In the year 207̃012, Blendin Blandin escapes the Infinitentiary and is pursued by the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron. Invoking Globnar, a futuristic gladiatorial game controlled by Time Baby, upon capture, he names Mabel and Dipper as tributes to challenge him in said arena, fueled by his hatred towards them after the events in "The Time Traveler's Pig."
Rewind to the 21st century, where Dipper and Mabel are in the Mystery Shack attempting to purchase Yumber Jacks from the vending machine. When the tidbit gets stuck, Soos helps them out by doing a special "trick", opening the machine and using the candies inside to shower the twins with a "candy blizzard." Mabel tries to eat the candy without taking the wrappers off, resulting in a mistake as she chokes on the candy and spits it out quickly. Soos then puts coins in the machine to pay for the candy he just took out, explaining that he'd do anything for the Pines family. Stan calls Soos over to help him scratch two places at once to which Soos happily goes, leaving his wallet behind. Dipper is reluctant to look through it, but is persuaded by Mabel, and together they pull out a membership card for Big Gunz Laser Tag, emergency salami, and his license. They realize by the birth date on Soos' license that it is his birthday, and decide to throw him a surprise party. While discussing this, Mabel says that she's been waiting for a surprise party her whole life. Immediately after, Candy comes over and throws some confetti over her head saying "Surprise," to which Mabel responds "Too little, too late, Chiu."
Dipper and Mabel quickly throw together a surprise party with the assistance of Candy and Grenda. With Soos being blindfolded, Candy guides him outside, with him expecting to see a gigantic hummingbird, instead seeing a birthday party. The twins have a banner, cake flavored pizza, pizza flavored cake, and The Razz Dazzler, which is Toby in a sparkly outfit dancing. Oddly, Soos becomes upset with this and sulks back inside. Wendy and Stan show up and notice the banner. Wendy informs the twins that Soos has always hated his birthday and neither she nor Stan know why. Stan said he petitioned the government to get that day (July 13th) removed from the calendar, but, as a result, is now banned from airplanes.
The gang (Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Stan, Wendy, Candy and Grenda) soon enough decide to go to Big Gunz Laser Tag. Everyone enters the game, but Soos stops to tie his shoe. As he does so, Dipper and Mabel run through a portal into the future and get trapped in a room made of timetanium. Blendin shows up with Lolph and Dundgren from the future and brings them to Globnar. They are told that if Blendin wins, then he chooses the fate of the twins (which he swore to wish they were never born) and, in addition, would be granted any wish he so desired, paradox-free. They take the tape measure time machine off of one of the time officials escorting Blendin, and travel back in time, but accidentally ten years back. The twins dive under a bed when the three arrive in the same time period. They land in the mattress store, where the laser tag had been rebuilt many years later. The time device is broken, but Dipper claims he can fix it.
Dipper needs tools but is unsure of where to find them. They spot a sign for the Mystery Shack and make a run for it. On the way, they see young Tambry and young Wendy riding tricycles. Wendy whispers to her friend that Dipper is cute, and she blurts it out to which Dipper blushes.
Continuing onwards, they find a screwdriver and a 12-year-old Soos at the Mystery Shack, with food stuck in the vending machine. Mabel shows him the trick he had shown her ten years in the future. Dipper fixes the time traveling device with a screwdriver. Even when the machine is fixed, they head over to Soos' birthday party to see if this is the birthday where "all the personal biz went down."
At Soos' birthday party, it is learned that Soos' dad would constantly promise to visit his son, only to go back on his promise at the last minute every time. That year he got a postcard from him, in New Orleans, and it was the year he realized that his dad was never coming back. Dipper and Mabel develop an idea to grant Soos whatever wish he wanted if they completed and won Globnar. The twins give themselves up to Blendin and do the games. Not much of a fighting scene is given, but there is a race, chess, and a cyclops.
Dipper and Mabel are scratched up completely during the challenges. In the end, the final task is laser tag. Dipper easily distracts Blendin by repetitively shooting his vest before the fog machine turns on, while Mabel grabs the wishing orb. The fate decided for Blendin is that he will be spared, and as a bonus, given him some nice hair. They give up the wish to Soos and recommends that he wishes to see his father. Soos instead wishes for them to be cleaned up and for an infinitive slice of pizza. He says that they were always there for him and that his dad was not so that they were his family. Soos throws the last postcard from his dad in the trash.
The episode ends in the past with Soos picking up Blendin's screwdriver, wondering who it belongs to. Meanwhile, Stan kicks the handyman, Deputy Durland, out of the Mystery Shack and quickly spots Soos, offering to give him the new job. Soos agrees, and then feels accepted.
- Directed by:
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- Additional voices:
- Casting by:
- Blendin has been serving 102 (100) life sentences in the Infinetentiary.
- Many revelations are learned about Soos:
- He has a membership to laser tag.
- His full name is "Jesus Alzamirano Ramirez."
- He is an organ donor.
- His birthday is July 13, 1990, so he is 22 years old.
- He has two female cousins.
- He hasn't seen his dad since he was four.
- His keyboard was a gift from his grandmother for his 12th birthday.
- He has hated his birthday due to his father's empty promises to come home for them in the past.
- Toby Determined is a part-time professional dancer and once had a dream of dancing on Broadway.
- Stan once petitioned the government to remove July 13th from the Gregorian calendar, consequently banning him from air travel.
- Blendin's middle name is Blenjamin.
- Bud Gleeful has been selling used cars for at least ten years.
- Gideon Gleeful is at least ten years old.
- Robbie and Thompson have known each other for at least ten years.
- Wendy and Tambry have known each other for at least ten years.
- The burnt tree by Abuelita's house was burnt by Lolph's laser.
- Deputy Durland was the previous handyman at the Mystery Shack.
- Blendin Blandin mentions the events of "The Time Traveler's Pig" and the catalyst for his revenge.
- Stan is seen wearing the bandage from "Society of the Blind Eye."
- Tats is shown getting his first tattoo ten years prior to the twins' arrival.
- Mabel references Dipper's former crush on Wendy previously resolved in "Into the Bunker."
- Stan is seen showing the wax museum from "Headhunters."
- An exhibit highlighting Wax Sherlock Holmes from "Headhunters" is shown.
- Soos' keyboard from "Headhunters" and "Double Dipper" is seen as a birthday gift.
- The secret behind Soos' exploded tree (shown in "Soos and the Real Girl" and asked about in Dipper's and Mabel's Guide to Mystery and Nonstop Fun!) is revealed.
- When Blendin's camouflage suit malfunctions, the first location shown is Northwest Manor, foreshadowing the events of "Northwest Mansion Mystery."
- Another camouflage suit malfunction shows Gravity Falls during "Weirdmageddon."
- The final malfunction shows Glass Shard Beach, the place where Stan and Ford grew up.
- The music Toby Determined uses in his dance for Soos' birthday is later heard when Gideon is forced to do cute dances to Bill in the Fearamid.
- Soos' house is located on "Chambrot Drive." This is a reference to Soos' character inspiration and Alex Hirsch's friend, Jesus Chambrot.
- When Stan gives Soos his job at the Mystery Shack, he sports his new fez design, rather than his old one.
- When Dipper and Mabel are in the past Mystery Shack, there appears to be a glove with six fingers stuck on a post on the wall. This glove is similar to, or may be the same one that Stan puts on in "Scary-oke."
- Mabel learns how to open the vending machine from Soos, but Soos learned it from Mabel creating an impossible moment in time. This is known as a Bootstrap Paradox.
- The original ending would have had Soos's wishing to see how he is in the future with his own son (rather than spending it on infinite pizza).
- During the end credits, there is a cryptogram that reads "FOC'T FW MVV VIBE EZBAV KF NOW KTB'K FO IHG BBAV VIBE." Using the vigenère cipher, it translates to "DON'T DO THE TIME CRIME IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME TIME."
- Keyword: CAPACITOR, found on the ticker behind a statue of Time Baby in the cold open.
- The page section revealed at the end of the episode says, "14-9-15-10 4-16-19 4-15-11-19 8-23-6-23-20-9-26 23-2-9-15-20-23-10-21-19 19-10-18-9-6-21-19-11-19-10-4 5-7-3-23-20-6-9-10!" (top), "17-6-19-23-4 16-9-3-6-5!" (middle right), "5-9-12-15-20 22-19-10-19-18-15-4-5!" (bottom left), and "5-15-17-10 3-8 25-19-5-4-19-6-20-23-25!" (bottom right). After using the combined cipher, it translates to "JOIN THE TIME PARADOX AVOIDANCE ENFORCEMENT SQUADRON! GREAT HOURS! SOLID BENEFITS! SIGN UP YESTERDAY!"
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