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Static.
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Opens to Dipper holding a basket of chicken strips.
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Dipper
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Well, that concludes Gravity Falls anomaly #13, the Möbius chicken strip. (Eats chicken strip) It's infinitely delicious!
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Something runs past the camera.
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Dipper
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Whoa! Hey! What the—Aah!
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Camera falls over
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Dipper
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(Picks up camera) Mabel, did you see that? Wake up!
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Mabel
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Never. (Faces the other direction) Let me sleep forever.
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Dipper
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Some creature just jumped out of nowhere! It's eating our leftover Summerween candy!
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Mabel
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(Gets up) What?!
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Dipper
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(Points camera at the monster) Look!
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Mabel
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Ew, it's like a... naked little man.
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Dipper
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(Holds up title card) Okay, this is now Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, # 76, uh, "That Thing?"
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The Thing
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(Eats candy) (Picks up candy basket)
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Mabel
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No, put it down. Put it down...
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The Thing
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(Licks the basket)
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Mabel
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Oh, gross!
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Static.
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Dipper
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(Comes into view dressed in squeaky toys) Okay, I'm ready. I've covered myself in armor. (Squeaks toy with golf club) I'm going to capture him for science.
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Mabel
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And for candy!
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Dipper
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Get this on tape in case I die or whatever. (Walks over to the Thing and moves some candy with the golf club, then tries to catch it in a wastebasket) Aha!
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The Thing
|
(Climbs up the ceiling)
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Mabel
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Oh! Die mutant! Die! (Throws squeaky toy at it, but it comes back and hits her) Ow!
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The Thing
|
(Jumps into the staircase)
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Dipper
|
(Runs after it)
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Mabel
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Save the candy!
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Dipper
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Where is it? Have you seen it? (Gets attacked by the monster)
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The Thing
|
(Jumps down on Dipper and knocks him over, grabs candy and runs off)
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Static.
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(The Thing is on the fridge. It throws the cereal onto the floor)
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Mabel
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Oh no!
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Dipper
|
(Throws a can at the Thing)
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The Thing
|
(Throws candy at Dipper)
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Mabel
|
He's wasting candy! Dipper, open your mouth! Try to catch the candy in your mouth!
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Dipper
|
What? No, why would I— (Catches candy in mouth and munches) Actually that's pretty good— (Gets hit by a big candy bar) Aah!
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The Thing
|
(Runs with candy into the living room and turns on the TV with his foot, then stares at it)
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Mabel
|
Look! He's hypnotized by the TV.
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Dipper
|
Ha! And he dropped the candy! What a little dummy! Glued to the... to the... Oh, I love this movie.
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Static.
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(Dipper, Mabel, and the Thing are watching TV; Dipper and Mabel are eating candy while the Thing eats a golf club)
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Dipper
|
Shouldn't we... (munches) do something about the monster?
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Mabel
|
Candy now. Monster later.
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The Thing
|
(Eats the golf club and whimpers, Dipper gets another one for it and eats it)
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Soos
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Oh, hey Dipper! Hey Mabel! (Pauses, then looks at the Thing) Hey Grunkle Stan!
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Dipper
|
(To the audience) Well, that's it for Dipper's Guide to the Supernatural. The next episode will probably be about getting rid of this candy-eating monster.
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Soos
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(To the Thing) Psst! Stan, what's he talking about?
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Static. A part of the hidden page is shown.
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