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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Carpet Diem." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "The Deep End" Next: "Boyz Crazy"
The episode opens with an eyeball rolling into a cup.
Mabel Hwaah! Total domination! I am the master of Attic Stuff Mini-golf! From the mighty Swiss Alps! To the badlands of Dipper's old laundry where man fears to tread!
Dipper (Walks to another golf ball and prepares to hit it) Alright let a pro on the field. Or floor, whatever.
Dipper hits the eyeball very hard. The eyeball bounces around the room and crashes through a window. It then hits Grunkle Stan in the head.
Stan Ah, my head! It hit me right in the head!
Dipper Yes! Stan shot. Is that legal?
Mabel and Dipper look at the judge, Waddles, and see him eating the score card.
Mabel The judges say it's out of bounds.
Dipper You're out of bounds! (Lightly jabs Mabel in the stomach with his golf club)
Mabel Hey! Stop it! (Jabs Dipper lightly in the stomach with her golf club)
Dipper and Mabel continue jabbing each other for a few seconds until Mabel's "Meow O'clock" clock starts ringing.
Mabel Hey, Dipper, I gotta go hang out with Candy and Grenda tonight.
Dipper Aw, again? You can't leave mid-game.
Mabel Don't be silly, I'm not leaving. My friends are coming to me!
Dipper Wait, what? Oh no. No no no. Sleeping bags? (looks at sleeping bags) Rom-coms? (looks at romantic comedies) Calling All Boys: Preteen Edition?!? (Looks at the game) You're not having a-
The door opens and shows Candy and Grenda grinning in the shadows. They walk in and interrupt Dipper and finish his sentence.
Candy and Grenda Sleepover!
Dipper AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Cuts to theme song
Mabel, Grenda, Candy, and Waddles are sitting on Mabel's bed and talking
Mabel Okay, so how much do you like boys?
Grenda So much!
Candy Boys make me think about kissing!
Grenda Candy! Oh my gosh! (Throws a pillow at Candy and it hits her in the head)
Candy Ow.
Mabel We are so crazy tonight! (Starts screaming)
Candy (Joins Mabel in screaming)
Grenda (Screams with them)
Dipper is seen on his bed with a pillow over his ears.
Grenda Who wants to smear makeup on my face?
Mabel Ugh, you're already so beautiful, Grenda. What would be the point?
Grenda (Starts punching the floor) Beautiful! Beautiful!
Dipper Arrrrgh! Mabel! Do you think you can do this somewhere else?! You're laughing at frequencies only dogs should hear!
Mabel Come on, it's not that bad.
Grenda You know what your brother needs?
Mabel (Gasp) A makeover?
Candy (Holds up beauty products)
Dipper Aaaaaah!
Dipper is seen walking in the hallway with his blanket and pillow. He walks up to Soos, who is screwing something in
Dipper (Sigh) Hey Soos, can I sleep in your break room tonight?
Soos Of course, dude.
(Soos opens the door to reveal a very cramped room with hazardous pipes and steam)
Soos You just gotta make your body go like a video game puzzle block. Beebity boop boop beep beepity boop bop boop boop. (Gets into the room by moving his body into an odd position) The trick is to hold perfectly still. (Rests his hand on a pipe and his arm gets scorched) Ow, wait wait. (Does it again) Ow, wait wait. (Does it again) Ow, wait wait.
Dipper I think I'll sleep somewhere else...
Dipper walks away while Soos continues doing the same thing over and over again, Soos said "Oh, actually felt good that time". Cuts to Dipper outside on the ground
Dipper Ah...sleeping under the stars...not bad.
Dipper hears a growling sounds and gets up. He sees a wolf biting on his leg
Dipper Aaah!! Get off! Aah! Get away! (Looks up and sees Mabel's sleepover from the window. Mabel, Grenda, and Candy are jumping up and down, singing)
Mabel, Candy, and Grenda Lalalalala! Girls girls girls girls!
Dipper (Looks down at the wolf) This is still better. (Lays down again, the wolf continues to gnaw on his leg)
Cuts to the next day. 

Mabel wakes up in a state of confusion. She has her hair messed up with the words "PARTY GURL" written on her forehead

Mabel Ugh...what happened last night? Whoa! (sees Candy taped to the ceiling)
Candy What's up, party girl?
Grenda (Walks out of the closet) I don't know what I was kissing in there, but I have no regrets!
Candy Candy falls down now. (Falls from the ceiling)
Mabel That was awesome girls. See you again soon!
Candy and Grenda walk out of the room and Dipper enters
Mabel Hey brother! Want any of this leftover pizza? It's got glitter on it!
Dipper Mabel, last night an owl tried to eat my tongue.
Mabel Ha ha! That's great!
Dipper No it's not great! This (Points to their dirty and wrecked room) is impossible to live with!
Mabel What? I'm delightful to live with! Get ready to be poked by the fun stick! Boop! (Gets out a stick and pokes Dipper with it)
Dipper Ah! (slaps it out of Mabel's hand) Mabel, I've had it with the fun stick! You've totally wrecked our room. And-(Gasp)-oh no! Our mini-golf course!
Mabel Heh heh heh, yeah. Grenda sure loves breaking things.
Dipper Mabel we need to lay down some ground rules if we're gonna be living in this room together. First of all, no sleepovers.
Mabel What?! Well if I can't have sleepovers, than you can't keep me up every night with your summer reading.
Dipper How does reading keep you up?
Flashbacks to a night an unknown time ago.
Dipper (Gasps) Ooh...heh heh heh...interesting...but who stole the capers? (Clicks pen several times)
Mabel Grr....! (Puts pillow over her head)
Cuts back to the present day
Dipper Well, at least my braces don't whistle when I breathe.
Mabel At least I wash my clothes once in a while. (Picks up a pair of underwear with the fun stick)
Dipper Washing clothes is a waste of time, I'm a busy guy!
Mabel Meow meow meow meow meow!
Dipper Alright if you meow one more time-
Mabel Meow meow meow!
Dipper Okay that's it! That's the final straw! Maybe we shouldn't share a room anymore.
Mabel Wah...uh...well maybe we shouldn't!
Dipper Fine by me!
Mabel Double fine by me!
Dipper Then we need to talk to Grunkle Stan about moving rooms.
Mabel Yeah. He's a reasonable guy.
Cuts to Stan watching a show with two guys pushing each other
Stan Fight, fight, fight! (Changes the channel to a station that has two deer fighting each other)
Stan Fight, fight, fight! (Changes the channel again to a station airing "Baby Fights")
Stan Fight, fight, fight!
One baby is poked with a stick and the two begin lightly slapping each other
T.V. Announcer Baby fights!
Stan T.V. It knows what I want.
Dipper Grunkle Stan, we want different rooms.
Stan Ha! And I want a pair of magic money pants. It's not gonna happen.
Mabel Magic money pants...?
Dipper Come on, Grunkle Stan. Can't we work something out?
Stan Look kid, there's my room and the attic. That's it. What do you think, there's some kinda "secret hidden room" in the Shack?
A very loud crash is heard.
Soos (Off screen) Dudes! I found some kind of secret hidden room in the Shack!
Dipper and Mabel grin at each other. Cuts to all of them looking at Soos with a door
Soos Okay, so I was cleaning up behind this bookcase when boom! Mystery door! This ole' Shack is full of weird secrets. (Opens door and they all look into it. Dipper and Mabel walk into it and look around)
Dipper Whoa-hoh!
Mabel Classy...
Dipper (Looks at a calendar)
Mabel (blows the dust off a small mirror and she coughs)
Dipper (Looks at the tag on the shag carpet.) Experiment 78? Grunkle Stan, what is this place?
Stan

I don't know. Just another room I gotta clean up now. (Takes a pair of glasses off a table and puts it in his shirt)

Mabel (Does snow angels in the carpet) This carpet is amazing!
Stan Yeah, if you're into things that are terrible.
Dipper (Sees a key on the wall and grabs it) Problem solved, I'll move in here!
Mabel What? Why do you automatically get the room? We both saw it at the same time.
Stan Wait a second. (Takes the key from Dipper) So you both want this room, huh? I guess I'll give it to whichever one of you I like more. (unties his own shoe) Uh oh. Looks like my shoe's untied.
Dipper and Mabel look at each other for a second before attacking each other trying, to tie Stan's shoe
Stan Muah ha ha. To the kitchen! Fight, fight, fight!
Stan runs to the kitchen and Dipper and Mabel let go of his shoe. They get up to follow him out the exit, but Soos blocks the door
Soos Whoa! I don't know dudes, this room gives me major, creep-o vibes. Y'know, the attic is a pretty good space. Maybe you two should appreciate what you got.
Dipper and Mabel look at each other before running past Soos
Soos Heh. Hey, what do I know? (grabs a broom and starts sweeping) Maybe there's nothing creepy going on in this room.
The camera then shows the carpet's tag that says "Experiment 78," and the tag is crackling with electricity. Cuts to commercial break
Dipper and Mabel are in the kitchen, elbowing each other
Stan (holds up key) Okay, here's how it's gonna go down. Whoever sucks-up the hardest get's the key to the new room.
Dipper Grunkle Stan, we're not gonna suck-up to you just to get the new room.
Mabel Yeah we are!
Stan Ten suck-up points for Mabel!
Dipper I mean-uh-yeah we are!
Stan Trying too hard. Minus 15 suck-up points.
Dipper What?
Mabel Good decision Grunkle Stan!
Stan Trying way too hard! Plus 50 suck-up points!
Dipper (Expression darkens.)
Stan (Holds up a bucket filled with tiles) Now, who wants to re-tile the roof in searing 105 degree heat?
Dipper and Mabel Me me! I'll do it!
Dipper (Runs up, takes the bucket, and runs outside)
Mabel No Dipper, give it here! (chases him)
Stan Ha ha. Stan, you're a good uncle.
Mabel (Outside) Gimme it!
Dipper (Outside) No!
Mabel It's mine!
Dipper Mine!
Mabel I'll kill you!
Cuts to Dipper and Mabel mowing the lawn while Stan watches them. Dipper stops for a second to take a break.
Stan Dipper, you're phoning it in!
Dipper (Continues mowing.)
Stan (Drinks lemonade) Man, that's refreshing. 10 suck-up points for this lemonade! (Pretending to be lemonade) Thank you, Stan! (normal voice) Oh-ho! 10 more for politeness. (Takes a sip) Oh, and so sweet!
Dipper (Opens door to the room) (Sigh) All these chores will be worth it when I get this room. Shag carpeting? Come on! (Takes' off shoes and begins shuffling feet on the carpet, and electricity builds up around his legs)
Mabel Hey brother. Don't get too comfortable. I just made Stan an omelet shaped like his own face.
Cuts to Stan looking at his omelet
Stan I have seen the face of beauty... (Starts eating)
Dipper (Starts circling Mabel, building up more electricity)
Mabel Face it. I'm like a suck-up ninja. This room's as good as mine. You might as well give up now. What do you say? (stretches out hand)
Dipper I say I'm gonna win this room somehow, and when I do I'll finally have my own space... (raises hand)...and we'll never have to share anything ever again!
Dipper slaps Mabel's hand away, electrocuting Mabel, and causing a huge glow in between them
Both Aaaaaaaah!!!

Dipper

(Sits up.) Ugh...what happened?
Mabel Dipper? Why are you wearing my clothes...and my...face?! Am I in your body?!
Dipper Am I in your body?!
Mabel AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Dipper AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Mabel AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Dipper AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Mabel (Throws up in the bathroom toilet)
Dipper (Runs to a mirror and is in Mabel's body) Aaah! (runs off, but runs back soon after) Aaah!
Mabel (Punching Dipper's body) Get out, get out, get out!
Dipper (in the corner) This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening...
Mabel (Her shadow is seen on the wall and she screams)
Cuts to Dipper and Mabel looking at their new, swapped bodies in the mirror
Dipper Great! Just what we need, more Gravity Falls weirdness.
Mabel This is stupid! Sharing a room was bad enough, now we're sharing bodies?
Dipper Ugh, braces are horrible. It's like my mouth hates me. And what are these things? (pokes Mabel's loose hair)
Mabel I don't know why you're so sweaty, and awkward.
Dipper Hey look. Experiment 78. (walks over to the tag on the carpet, and turns it around. On the back it says "Electron Carpet") Electron Carpet. Atoms can swap electrons. This carpet must build up a static charge so powerful it can swap minds! (Starts clicking pen) It was the static electricity! Maybe we can use it to switch back!
Mabel Phew, ho ho! Glad I'm switching back. If I was you I would totally lose the contest.
Dipper And if I was you, which I am, I could sabotage myself! Then Mabel would lose all her points and the room would go to Dipper!
Mabel Wait, what?
Dipper Oh Stan! I've always hated you! Ha ha, see who he gives the room to now!
Mabel No! Wait! (Begins to chase him but trips) Tie your shoes!
Stan (Finishes eating his omelet) Mm. Those cannibals were on to something. I taste delicious.
Dipper Grunkle Stan!
Stan What's the word, Mabel?
Dipper That's right. It's me (Pulls back hair) Mabel. If ya like that omelet you'll love this! A sandwich made out of rocks! (Pulls out a rock sandwich and gives it to Stan)
Stan Candy rocks?
Dipper (Shakes head) Regular rocks.
Stan Keep that up and I'll be giving your brother this key.
Dipper Ha ha! I mean, darn.
Mabel Hey Grunkle Stan! Your face looks like a butt!
Stan What?
Mabel Breaking stuff is so much fun, I am Dipper and I stink! (Kicks the oven and kicks bottles around)
Dipper Mabel's gone bananas! Zing! Zow! Ballow! (pours cereal out of the box everywhere and laughs
Stan Well this is gettin' weird. (gets up and walks away)
Dipper Wait! Are you gonna dock Mabel points?
Mabel Dipper should lose all his points!
Mabel starts to chase him, but Dipper tackles her
Dipper Grunkle Stan!
Cuts to Waddles rubbing against the carpet in the room, with Soos vacuming nearby.
Soos Waddles, you got it good, bro. You got no worries. I mean, nobody thinks it's cute when I lie naked on the living room floor. I wish I could be a pig. (Rubs Waddles' head, the electrons are swapped, and they swap bodies ) 
Soos (Looks around) Yes! I should do out loud wishing more often. (Sniffs) Is that a corn cob I spy? (Climbs up the couch and out the window) I got little legs.
Waddles looks around confused, as now he is in Soos' body, and tries to walk out the door. He hits it 3 times before leaving the room. Waddles walks into the gift shop and looks at the vending machine. He licks the glass cover and makes the postcard stand fall. Wendy then walks in
Wendy Hey Soos, what's up? Have you seen my- (Looks at Waddles in Soos' body)
Waddles (Chews on a t-shirt)
Wendy Uh, I'll come back later... (Leaves the room)
Cuts to Dipper in the hallway
Dipper Grunkle Stan, come back! I have more terrible things to do! You're toast, Mabel! That room's as good as mine! (Runs off, but crashes into Grenda)
Grenda There you are, Mabel!
Candy Attack her with love!
Grenda Yeah!
Candy and Grenda Sleepover!
Dipper What!? No! No no no!
Grenda carries Candy and Dipper up the stairs
Mabel (Runs after them) Dipper? Hey, wait! Come back!
Grenda runs into the twin's old room
Mabel Wait, come back! Hey, um, can I talk to my...sister, for a sec?
Grenda This is a sleepover, buddy. No boys allowed! (Closes the door)
Mabel (Looks in through the keyhole)
Dipper Look guys, I'm not really in a sleepover mood right now. One of my, irrational girl mood swings, you know. Right? Don't we have those?
Grenda Come on, my Mom's age inappropriate romance novels aren't gonna read themselves. Ooh! "Wolfman Bare Chest."
Mabel Ooh.
Dipper Uh, really. I should probably, uh-
Grenda (Grabs Dipper and puts him on the bed) Come on! You know you love it! "My name is Gerard. I am a werewolf, creature of the night. But I am also a creature of passion."
Dipper Oh.
Mabel Gerard is just so fierce.
Stan What's going on, Dipper?
Mabel (Gasps and tries to cover the keyhole where she was looking in)
Stan Ah, you're at that creepy age where you spy on girls, huh? Guess it's time you and me had a man to man talk. About the birds and the bees, you know?
Mabel (Frowns.)
Cuts to Stan putting a book called "Why Am I Sweaty?" on his desk
Mabel I-I should really be goin-
Stan No way out of it! (Pulls Mabel on his lap and opens the book) Look. It all begins with this little fella. The pituitary gland. He may be little but he has BIG PLANS.
Mabel Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
Cuts to Soos walking through the town in Waddles' body
Soos I wonder what frolicking adventures I'll stumble into. (Stops in front of a mud puddle) A mud puddle! Do I dare live out the cliche? (Jumps into the puddle) Ha ha ha ha!
Old Man McGucket (Walks down the street) McGucket, McGucket, McGucket, wow! (Looks at Soos)
Soos I'm a pig! Oink oink, right?
Old Man McGucket Free meal.... (Pulls a knife and a fork out of his beard)
Soos No! Don't eat me! I'm a man trapped in a pig's body!
Old Man McGucket That's what they all say... (Chases Soos)
Soos (Runs away) Help! Police!
Deputy Durland A bearded witch chasing a talking pig!
Sheriff Blubs My horoscope came true.
Deputy Durland Now read mine!
Sheriff Blubs What are you, gemini?
Deputy Durland You knew?
Sheriff Blubs Yeah, of course I knew!
Cuts to Stan closing the "Why Am I Sweaty?" book
Stan And now you know where babies come from!
Mabel (Whispers) Goodbye childhood...
Stan You know, I find you more likable today than usual. Maybe you could still win that game after all.
Mabel Huh?
Stan I was gonna give that new room to Mabel-
Mabel No, you should! Give it to Mabel...you big jerk!
Stan What did you say to me?
Mabel I said, uh, shut up old man! You're fat and dumb and you're a dummy and, take that! (Lightly punches Stan on the arm)
Stan (Glares at Mabel) Finally "Stan'n" up to me, huh? Ha ha! I love it! You know, I made up my mind! (Takes out the key) The room belongs to you. Dipper.
Mabel You can't! You have to give it to Mabel!
Stan Ssh. (Hugs Mabel) You had me at "shut up old man."
Mabel NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Cuts to Grenda finishing up "Wolfman Bare Chest."
Grenda The end.
Dipper Phew.
Grenda Now for the 38 sequels!
Dipper NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Old Man McGucket I'm gonna make you into bacon...
Soos Hey, that sounds pretty good! No wait, I mean, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Cuts to Grenda tossing die and moving a piece on "Calling All Boys: Preteen Edition."
Grenda 3, 4, 5.
The phone in the middle of the game rings
Grenda It's him! My dream jade! (Picks up phone) Hello?
Robotic Voice Hello baby, this is Kevin. My beach house has room for 2.
Candy Kevin has the voice of a robot.
Grenda Don't ruin this for me, Candy! (Hangs up) It's your turn, Mabel. (Looks up but Dipper is not there)
Dipper (Runs down the hallway) Gotta win the room. Stan! It's me, Mabel! I'm doing things you hate! (Flips over a table)
The lamp on the table rolls over at Mabel's feet
Mabel (Sighs) It's over, Dipper. Stan gave you the room. (Opens her hand up and reveals the key)
Dipper Ha ha! Yes! Alright! (Raises her hand and leg in the air, but he realizes it, and lowers them awkwardly) Well, let's switch bodies then and I can start moving in.
Mabel Wait a minute. You can't have the room...if you can never get in! (Runs off)
Dipper Hey, come back! (Runs after her)
Mabel (Runs into the room and closes the door)
Dipper Come on! (Bangs on the door) Arrgh! Open the door, Dipper! I mean, Mabel. (Face palms and sits down) How am I ever gonna get in there? (Gets an idea) Hmm...
Cuts to Candy and Grenda playing the game still
Candy (On the phone) Kevin, for the last time, I am not interested! (Hangs up)
Grenda How could you say that to Kevin?
Dipper Hey girls...who wants to give my brother a makeover?
Candy and Grenda (Gasp and grin)
Cuts to Waddles walking around in the gift shop
Waddles (Walks around the gift shop, knocking over things until finding a tissue box and begins eating the tissues)
Stan (Walks in) Oh good, Soos.
Waddles (Turns around with a tissue still in his mouth)
Stan You got a second?
Waddles (Sucks in the tissue)
Stan Look, times are tough, economy or something, et cetera. Basically, I have to cut your pay.
Waddles (Raises hand and touches Stan's nose)
Stan Wha-what are you doing?
Waddles (Begins breathing and snorting loudly)
Stan Is this some sort of negotiating tactic? Because it's not gonna work!
Waddles (Continues breathing and snorting loudly)
Stan Uh...Fine! I was lying! I'll give you a raise! Just never do that again! Uh! Nightmare!
A lady walks in to the Shack.
Unnamed lady Can you help me? I'm looking for directions.
Waddles (Looks outside the window and heads outside)
Unnamed Lady Oh, you'll show me the way? Such a gentleman!
Cuts to Mabel sitting on the ground writing on a sign that says "NO BOYS, NO GIRLS, NO BOYS  ALLOWED
Candy and Grenda (Knock on the door) It's Candy and Grenda!
Mabel Friends! (Opens door) Hey guys, what's up?
Dipper (Walks up behind Candy and Grenda)
Mabel Dipper! Wa-wait! Don't let him in here-
Candy and Grenda Makeovers! (Come in and bring in a box full of cosmetics supplies)
Mabel No no, wait stop!
Mabel slips on her piece of paper and Candy and Grenda begin putting on blush, lipstick and mascara
Grenda We're gonna make you SOO hot!
Mabel No! Wait! Stop! Guys, you have to listen to me!
Grenda (Puts more blush on Mabel)
Mabel Nooo!
Dipper Good job ladies. Now let me just add one... (starts walking over, building up electricity) ...final... (raises hand) ...touch...
Dipper touches Mabel's nose causing the atoms to swap electrons again, switching their bodies back
Candy Oh oh.
Dipper Ah my body. (Takes out the key) I'm a genius, ha ha! Ugh. (Wipes off the makeup) Alright, Mabel. The room is mine!
Grenda Wait, hold on here. What just happened?
Mabel (Sigh) I barely understand it. All I know is that if you shuffle your feet on this carpet, you can switch bodies or whatever.
Candy (Gets up and begins to shuffle feet) Zip, zap.
Dipper No!
Candy touches Dipper's nose, switching the electrons and switching bodies
Dipper Aw, come on! (Takes back the key)
Candy I am a boy now! Wassup, bro. Let's grow some mustaches.
Mabel Dipper, give me that key back! (Run up to Dipper and tries to get the key)
Grenda Guys stop fighting! (Tries to pull them apart)
The 3 built up electricity and they swap bodies, so that Dipper is in Grenda's Mabel is in Candy's and Grenda's is in Mabel's
Dipper Oh no! Then again I like having muscles for once.
Grenda Wow, now I have tiny little doll hands!
Mabel Everybody look. Swap back in (Everyone starts building up electricity) 3, 2...
Soos Oh dudes!
Old Man McGucket Come back! I wanna deep fry your ears!
Everyone in the room switches bodies. they start yelling)
Group Hey, no! Give me my body back!.... ow ow (electric zapping noises)
Grunkle Stan polishing his old pair of glasses and watching baby fights.)
TV Tonight on Baby Fights! Tensions rise between Maddison and Avery at Baby Fights Headquarters
Baby (subtitles) I didn't come her to make friends.
The yells from the other room distract him so he turns up the volume on the TV
Grenda (in McGucket's body) Cool! I'm Santa Claus.
McGucket (in Candy's body) WOOEE! Haha! I've regained my innocence!
Dipper (in Waddles' body) (sighs) Well, I guess I'm a pig now, so, that's a thing (grabs apple) Om nom nom 
Soos (in Grenda's body) This body's not that different from my old one.
Sheriff Blubs We've got some reports of excessive gigglin'.
Candy and Grenda in Dipper and McGucket's bodies laugh and run into each other, causing them to swap bodies with Blubs and Durland
Blubs My horoscope didn't say anything about this.
Durland AHH! What's happenin' to me?! (Runs into wall) Ow! (runs into wall again) Ooh! (starts giggling)
Candy (in Blub's body) I am a police officer now! (giggles)
Grenda Let's go bust some perps, Candy!
Dipper (still a pig) Give me that key, Mabel! (lunges at Mabel)
Mabel (in her own body) Never! (they bump into people several times and switch bodies)
Dipper (in his own body) Mabel, are you you?
Mabel Yeah, I'm me.
Dipper  Well I've got the key!
Mabel chases Dipper up to the attic and they fight over the key
Dipper Mabel, the room is mine! Give it to me! (tackles Mabel)
Mabel What's with you? Why do you need that room so bad? I never even wanted to move out!
Dipper Me either!
Mabel Wait, what? Say that again?
Dipper I-I never wanted to move out.
Mabel Then what was all this?
Dipper Everything was fine until you started bringing your friends around every night. I mean, hanging out with you this summer's been fun. But, now you're always with Candy and Grenda, and I'm... like.. just, left behind.
Mabel Aww, Dipper.
Dipper It's ok. I've just been having a hard time, you wouldn't understand what I'm going through.
Mabel You're probably feeling awkward and sweaty, huh?
Dipper Yeah. How'd you know?
Mabel Here. I won't fight you for it. (hands Dipper the key)
Dipper Thanks.
Mabel  (later in the hidden room) Well it looks like everyone's back to normal... Except for Soos, who may be a pig permanently...?
Soos (Chewing on door frame) Oh no, I changed back. At least I think I did.
McGucket (comes up from behind Soos with fork and knife) I'll still eat ya. 
Dipper Ok, pal, that's enough of that, move it along. (he and Mabel push McGucket out the door)
Mabel Move it along, weird old man.
Waddles walks under Soos' leg.
Soos I guess being a pig wasn't that great after all. Hey, let me get that spot you can never reach.
Waddles grunts, doorbell rings. Soos answers door
Woman Hey, I've been thinking, and the answer is yes, I will marry you!
Soos Wait, I don't remember anything about- (woman kisses him)
Dipper (moving into the new room) Ah, there.
Stan Ah, a man and his own space.
Dipper That's right, finally.
Stan (points to carpet) So what are you gonna do with this old thing?
Dipper Get rid of it.
Stan (smiles nervously) Haha! You got it. (Picks up carpet and leave room) Yeesh, this carpet's ugly.
Dipper (gets into bed) Ah. Finally, my own room. Good night Mabel. (Looks to the left, remembers that she's still in the attic)
Mabel (In the attic) Good night Dipper. (Looks to right, remembers that he's in the new room, and turns over
Someone knocks on door. 

Mabel gets up and answers

Dipper Hey, um. Do you want to have a sleepover?
Mabel (smiles) FORE! (Swings a golf club)
Dipper laughs and hits the ball. It crashes outside the window and hits Gruckle Stan
Stan Ahh! Why am I even out here at night?
Mabel and Dipper laugh
Cuts to credit.
Mabel So what are you gonna do with that new room?
Dipper I gave it to Soos to replace that horrible break room he has. Hey, do you know what the deal was with that lady?
Mabel shrugs
Woman (in other room, crying) I just don't think I can do this anymore, you just seem so different. (cries)
Soos Look dude, I'm playing a little bit of catch up here, I was in a pig's body for most of the day, wha, what's goin' on?
Woman looks at him
Soos Can we kiss again, i-is that an option?
Soos(off-screen) (The Disney logo appears) Ow, wait wait.

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