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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Dipper and Mabel vs. the Future." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Roadside Attraction" Next: "Weirdmageddon Part 1"
Episode opens with Dipper sleeping.
Dipper Pines (Wakes up and screams)
Mabel Pines (As Mr. Upside-Downington:) Mornin', Dipper, guess who!
Dipper Oh, what joy. If it isn't Mr. Upside-Downington. How long's it been? Third grade, maybe?
Mabel That's right. And I'm here to deliver you an upside-downington-tastic message!
Dipper Is it the message that we're getting too old for this sort of thing?
Mabel (Normal voice:) Um, kinda, actually. It's that we are exactly one week away from our 13th birthday!
Dipper Whoa! Our birthday's coming up already? (Gasps) Soon we're gonna be actual teenagers!
Mabel Finally! I can stop reading preteen magazines and start reading post-preteen magazines.
Dipper PG-13 movies, here I come!
Mabel And just one more year until high school. High school, Dipper! Where girls become women and they teach us stuff about... (Turns Dipper around and whispers:) You know what.
Dipper Trigonometry?
Mabel Oh yeah, baby!
Stan Pines and Soos Ramirez enter the room.
Stan That's not the only good news coming up! In one week my senior citizen's ponytail kit is coming in the mail. I'm...I'm kinda going through some things.
Soos In one week, my grandma is finally letting me eat crackers on my bed! The future is coming for us all, dudes.
Stan The future.
Dipper The future!
Mabel The future!
Dipper (Laughs) I'm sorry, I can't take you seriously with that face on your chin.
Mabel (As Mr. Upside-Downington:) What face, Dipper?
Dipper You're--You're doing the voice so you obviously know what I'm talking about--
Mabel Bi bon't bnow bhat bou're balking about.
Dipper and Mabel (Laugh)
Dipper There is something wrong with you.
Mabel There's something wrong with both of us.
Cut to theme song. Cut to the living room of the Mystery Shack.
Mabel Alright, party planners. In one week we become teenagers, and our summer vacation winds to an end. So we need to throw the greatest party of all time! I'm talking piñatas with tinier piñatas inside.
Soos Boom, dreams comin' true! (Pours little piñatas into a large piñata)
Mabel I'm talking inviting everyone in town. Let's see, where do we stand with the gnomes?
Stan Not so fast, goofus and girl-goofus. (Walks into the room) After that zombie incident, no one's throwing another party at my house. I keep finding little bits of the undead in the couch cushions. (Finds an arm under the chair cushion)
Mabel But Grunkle Stan, we need some roof to raise.
Soos Dude, you could rent out the Gravity Falls High School gym, and have your party there. That place is empty all summer long.
Mabel The gym's a great idea, Soos. To the high school!
The entire house quakes, startling everyone.
Ford Pines (Off screen) Dipper, my face is on fire!
Dipper I'll just be a sec. (Runs into Ford's room) Great Uncle Ford, are you okay?
Ford (Wiping off his face, which is smoking, with a towel) Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.
Dipper But your face is on fire.
Ford Yes, it's much faster than shaving. Now, listen, Dipper. I have a very important mission, and you are the only one who can help me. (Pulls out the rift) Remember the rift in dimensional space-time I showed you? It's cracking. (Points at crack) This is what Bill has been waiting for. If it breaks, it will cause reality as we know it to completely unravel. A hypothetical and catastrophic event I call Weirdmageddon.
Dipper stares at a blackboard Ford has drawn up, detailing the finer points of Weirdmageddon.
Ford Bill is out there, and he'd use any trick, from deception to outright possession, to make this happen. But for the sake of humanity, we mustn't let it.
Dipper What do we do?
Ford We patch the rift. I'll explain on the way. (Locks the rift in a protective case)
Dipper Wait, what about Mabel?
Mabel (Standing in the doorway) It's okay, Dipper. You should totally go with Grunkle Ford to save the world or whatever.
Dipper Are you sure?
Mabel We're going to be doing birthday junk all week. Plus, I packed us walky-talkies. Here's one for my party mission, and one for your smarty mission. (Laughs with Dipper)
Ford (Clears throat) I did mention that the fate of the universe is at stake, didn't I? Hurry, we haven't much time. (Leaves)
Dipper Okay, Dipper. It's your first big mission with Ford. A chance to prove yourself. Don't mess this up. (Runs and hits the wall) Ow! Ah, heh heh, I'm alright. (Laughs, then runs out and trips) Ahh!
Cut to Gravity Falls High School, where Nate and Lee are messing with its sign, which says "SAWDUST INHALATION DRILL- 8:00. GO FIGHTING BEAVERS." Mabel and Soos walk inside to see the gym filled with students.
Mabel Whoa, Soos, I thought you said this place was empty.
Wendy Corduroy My dawgs, what up?
Mabel Wendy, what are you doing here?
Wendy Ugh, high school registration.
Mabel Ooh! You know I'm only a year away from high school myself. Would you say your experience is more rom-com, or wacky romp?
Wendy More like teen horror movie. High school is the worst. Classes get super hard, your body just flat out turns against you, and worst of all, everybody hates you.
Cut to two girls growling at each other, then pan to Thompson and Robbie.
Thompson Can't do it! Can't do another year!
Robbie My hormones are like a sweaty cage! (Punches bulletin board)
Mabel Why aren't they singing about following their dreams? TV taught me that high school was like some sort of musical.
Wendy TV lied, man! If you could avoid growing up, do it. I'd give anything to be 12 again. Anyway, what are you guys doing here?
Mabel (Chuckles, sadly:) Oh, just looking for a place to have my 13th birthday party.
Teacher Wendy...Borduroy? I-I mean Corduroy?
All the students laugh at Wendy.
Wendy (Blushes red) See what I mean? (walks to teacher)
Mabel (Exits the gym; on the walkie talkie:) Master Mabel to Dippidy Dog. We can have our party at the gym, but we gotta talk about high school. Starting to think it might not be the awesome future we were expecting. Over.
Dipper (On the walkie talkie:) I'm going through a bad patch, Mabel. We'll talk when I get back.
Mabel Dipper? Come in, come in?
Soos Hey, I know what'll make you feel better. Let's deliver some invites to your friends, huh?
Mabel Yeah!
Mabel and Soos drive away. Mabel finds that the sign now reads "NO ESCAPE." Cut to Dipper and Ford walking to the Floating Cliffs.
Dipper (To the walkie talkie:) Mabel? Mabel, you there? Ugh.
Ford Listen, Dipper. In order to seal the rift for good, it's going to take an adhesive stronger than anything on earth. Something...extraterrestrial in origin.
Dipper W-What do you mean?
Ford Dipper, look at the peculiar shape made by those cliffs. Does it remind you of anything?
Dipper Hmm...
Ford (Jingles his UFO key chain and holds it up over the cliffs)
Dipper (Gasps quietly) Shut. up.
Ford According to my research, the entire valley of Gravity Falls was formed when an extraterrestrial object crash-landed here millions of years ago. Did this craft cause the town's strange properties? Or, did the town's strange properties attract the craft? The answer is still unknown.
Dipper But, that's crazy! Where did the saucer go?
Ford Sometimes the strangest things in the world are right under our noses. (pushes rock away, revealing underground entrance) And our feet, in this particular instance. Now you might wanna stand back. This magnet gun can rip the fillings out of a man's mouth from 100 feet.
Dipper. (backs away a few steps as Ford detaches the opening) Whoa!
Ford I used to raid this thing for parts for years. Where do you think I got the materials to build my portal?
Dipper You...I...words... not working for mouth.
Ford Now come. Take this. (throws Dipper a magnet gun)
Dipper (Scrambling to catch the magnet gun) Whoa, whoa!
Ford Don't worry, I've been down here countless times; all the aliens have been dead for millions of years. (Starts climbing down but then pops up) Probably.
Dipper takes a deep breath and heads down the entrance. Cut to commercial.
Dipper I can't believe there's been a giant UFO under the town this whole time.
Ford I wish my mind could be where yours is right now, Dipper. When confirmation of extraterrestrials still had that punch. Now it's just sort of "eh." McGucket and I used to come down here all the time to raid their tech and study their language.
Dipper This is so cool! (Takes a selfie with some of the alien symbols and laughs)
Ford The substance we need to seal the rift is an alien adhesive. Strong enough to keep the hull of a spacecraft together. Just one dollop of this adhesive should be enough to seal a crack in space-time. Also, if it touches you it will seal up all the orifices in your face, (cocks gun) so try to avoid that. Now, use your magnet gun and follow me. Hup! (Uses magnet gun to climb down a pillar)
Dipper Great Uncle Ford!
Ford Your turn! Say "hup"! It helps!
Dipper (Releases a deep breath) Okay. Just turn on magnet, leap down hole. Turn on... (fiddles with gun) C'mon already. (gun whirs to life) Magnet. (grunts as he jumps) Ah! (crashes onto the ceiling) A little help?
Cut to Grenda's house. Mabel knocks on her front door.
Grenda Oh hi, Mabel! You're just in time for our 1 o'clock boy talk.
Mabel If you think that's good...Boom! Me and Dipper's 13th birthday jam!
Grenda Aw, man. Your birthday's on the last day of summer? I'm not gonna be here.
Mabel What?
Grenda Marius is flying me out to Austria to hang out in his castle or whatever that week. He's so clingy!
Mabel You're gonna be out of town for my birthday? But at least you can come, right, Candy?
Candy Sorry, Mabel. My parents send me to music camp this time of year. There is no escape from music camp.
Mabel So neither of you are gonna be at my birthday party? And you won't be able to wish me goodbye at the end of the summer?
Candy I'm sorry, Mabel.
Grenda Summer happened so fast. (Answers phone:) Ugh, Marius! Now's not the time!
Mabel I think I need to radio for emotional back-up. (To walkie-talkie:) Dipper, please come in. Our party mission is going down in flames. Over. (Static on the walkie talkie; sighs)
Cut to Dipper and Ford underground.
Ford This is their storage facility. This place would've been heavily guarded, but now everything's defunct. Go ahead, flip any switch. They've all been busted for millions of years.
Dipper pushes a button and it causes a petting zoo to fall down a hole.
Sprott (To a cow behind him:) Clara, did you eat my farm?
Clara (Moos)
Cut back to Dipper and Ford.
Ford The glue should be around here somewhere, so keep your eyes peeled. Dipper, let me ask you something. Have you thought much about your future?
Dipper No, not really. I mean, beyond graduating high school with a high GPA so I can get accepted to a good technical college with a photography and media production minor to start my own ghost hunting show.
Ford Ha, heh heh! It's like talking to a younger version of myself. If you're so sure of what you want out of life, why wait? Why put up with the drudgery of school?
Dipper Heh. Trust me, I'd love to fast-forward the whole thing, but it's not like I have a choice.
Ford Dipper, I've been thinking. I'm getting too old to investigate Gravity Falls on my own. I need to train an apprentice to help me fight monsters, solve mysteries, and protect this town. And I think I'd--I'd like to keep it in the family.
Dipper What are you saying?
Ford I've read your additions to my journal and I'm impressed with your potential. What would you say to staying in Gravity Falls after the summer ends and becoming my apprentice?
Dipper W-what about school?
Ford Dipper, I have 12 PhDs. Your parents would be thrilled I could give you such an advanced education.
Dipper (Sighs) There's also Mabel. She'd be all alone in California.
Ford Mabel will be fine on her own. She has a magnetic personality. I watched her become pen pals with the pizza delivery man in the 60 seconds he was at the door.
Dipper Gosh, we've never really been apart before.
Ford And isn't it suffocating? Dipper, can you honestly tell me you never felt like you were meant for something more?
Dipper I-I dunno. Sounds like a dream come true, but I'm not sure I have what it takes. I was tricked by Bill, I was wrong about Stan's portal. Heck, I can't even operate this magnet gun right. (Turns on the magnet gun and it sucks up a piece of metal. As Dipper tries to get it free, something pink seeps out of it)
Ford Ha! Yes! Dipper, you've found the adhesive!
Dipper I did?!
Ford Hoho, you really did it, kid. Huddle in, let's get a picture of this. (Hears something and holds up gun)
Dipper (Whispering:) Uh, Grunkle Ford, you said everything in here is dead, right?
Ford Yes. Unless somehow we've reactivated the- (gasps) security system!
The security droids emerge.
Dipper What do we do?!
Ford Listen to me very carefully: I've studied these; they're security droids and they detect adrenaline. You simply have to not feel any fear and they won't see you.
Dipper What?!
Ford It's okay. I've done it before. Just take a deep breath, focus on your intellect, and control your fear.
Dipper Huh-wha-wha-wha- that's crazy! I-
Ford Follow my lead!
Dipper Great Uncle Ford!
Ford Focus, Dipper!
The droid measures Ford's heartbeat and finds it to be calm. It moves on to Dipper.
Dipper Wha- I-uh. I-I-uh...
The droid produces a gun.
Dipper I can't!
Ford Get down! (Tackles Dipper, dodging the flash from the gun; stands up and shoots the droid, destroying it, but Ford gets hit with a flash)
The other droid produces arms and drags Ford toward it.
Ford Uh! No! Noooooo!
Dipper Wait, no! (Runs after him but trips)
Ford Stay back! It's too dangerous! Sealing the rift is what's important now! Take this! (Slides the rift to Dipper)
The droid traps Ford in itself.
Ford You're gonna have to do it without me! Use the adhesive! Fix the rift! Save the universe, Dipper!
The droid flies away into the tunnels.
Dipper Great Uncle Ford! (Chases the droid through the tunnels) Hang on, I'm coming for you! (Puts the rift in his backpack) Don't worry! I'll get you out of there!
The droid disappears behind a saucer-shaped door.
Dipper Where is that thing taking you?!
The room glows purple and some kind of map appears.
Ford (Offscreen) It's an automated prison droid! And wherever it's going, I'm not coming back!
Dipper What?! (Gasps as the ceiling opens to outside)
Arm carries Ford toward the opening.
Dipper No, no, no... don't worry, I'll think of something! (Runs after Ford)
Ford Dipper! What on Earth are you doing?!
Dipper (Puts duct tape around the magnet gun) Hold on, Great Uncle Ford.
The droid Ford is in hovers below the exit.
Dipper I'm getting you out of this, one way or another! (Tries to fire the gun but it doesn't work) Oh no! (Punches the gun, which has sparks flickering around it)
The alien countdown appears to be at zero.
Dipper Come on, come on! (The gun turns on and magnets Dipper to Ford's droid)
The droid blasts away.
Dipper AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
The droid breaks through a grate and is outside, flying high into the air.
Dipper (Hat falls off, grunting, pounds the droid) Let go of my uncle! (Screams as the droid shakes and beeps)
The droid, as Dipper screams, swerves around, flies through the crack in the cliff, through the waterfall and through the water tower. The droid bumps, knocking Ford unconscious.
Dipper Ah! Great Uncle Ford! Okay, let's try: magnet pulse! (Turns a knob on the gun) Waaaaaaahhhh!
The droid crashes into the woods. Dipper is lying behind it, bruised and moaning.
Dipper (Gasps and runs to the droid) Oh no! (Pounding on the glass) Oh no no no no! (Opens the window and runs in to Ford, who is still unconscious) Come on, wake up, man! (Drags him out) We gotta get out of here before-
Another droid is behind them. It begins to scan Dipper.
Dipper Hey, uh, I'm warning you! I have a magnet gun!
The droid produces a large gun.
Dipper Oh yeah!? You think you can scare me!? Do your worst! Nothing in this universe is gonna take away my uncle! So go ahead! Give me what you've got!
The machine measures Dipper's heartbeat, finds it normal, retracts its gun, and turns off.
Dipper (Pants)
Ford Ahahaha! Oh- (coughs) Oh, I thought I was a goner, kid. (coughs)
Dipper (Runs to him) Oh, are you alright? What happened?
Ford (Leaning on Dipper) The- the orb didn't detect any chemical signs of fear. It- it assumed the threat was neutralized and self-disassembled. Hahaha!
Dipper I- I did it?
Ford You did it.
Dipper (Walks over to the droid)
Ford This is what I was talking about. How many other twelve-year-olds do you think are capable of doing what you've just done. (Nods)
Cut to Mabel in the attic looking at scrapbooks.
Mabel (Sighs)
Stan (Walks in) Hey, everything all right, pumpkin?
Mabel Just can't believe the summer's almost over. And now that I know how awful high school's going to be, I'm in no hurry to start that train wreck.
Stan (Puts his arm around her shoulder) Ah, nobody likes gettin' older. But just because you're growing doesn't mean you have to grow up, you know? I mean, look at me. I'm pushin' seventy and I still eat ice cream for dinner.
Mabel But I don't wanna say goodbye to Gravity Falls.
Stan Hey, at least whatever happens after this summer, you'll still have your brother along with you through thick and thin. Not everyone can say that, you know. (Noogies her and leaves)
Mabel Yeah, at least when I go home I always have Dipper. (Picks up a picture of Dipper) Good ol', reliable ol'-
Her walkie-talkie crackles.
Dipper (Faint, over walkie-talkie:) Are you okay?
Ford (Faint, over walkie-talkie:) I'm fine.
Dipper Let's get you out of there.
Cut to Dipper and Ford.
Ford Listen to me, Dipper: this town is a magnet for things that are special. And that includes you and me. It brought both of us here for a purpose! Stay here with me, Dipper. Become my apprentice. Don't let anyone hold you- (coughs)
Dipper (Offers him his hand) I'll do it; I'm gonna stay.
Ford Excellent. (Grabs Dipper's hand and climbs out of the ditch) Now who wants to save the world, apprentice?
Dipper and Ford (Walk away laughing)
Dipper's walkie-talkie makes static noises.
Cut to the attic.
Dipper (Comes in) Mabel! I just had the best day of my life! UFOs are real and there's one under the town and I saved Great Uncle Ford's life and- and... (Sees that Mabel is lying on her bed with her back to him, unmoving) Hey, are you okay?
Mabel Tell me it's not true, Dipper. Tell me you were joking. (Holds up the walkie-talkie, which emits static) Ford's apprentice? Seriously?
Dipper Look, I was thinking and... this is a huge opportunity for me.
Mabel (Crying) Well it's a horrible opportunity for me! I had the worst day of my life! When we turn thirteen, the summer ends, and I have to leave everything behind. You're the only person I can count on and now you're leaving me too!?
Dipper Look, I've been thinking about it. I won't be gone forever, okay? I'll still visit you at home, and we'll chat online; we'll make it work.
Mabel I don't want it to work. I just wish summer could last forever.
Dipper (Walks over to her and puts his arm on her) But it can't, Mabel. Look, things aren't gonna stay frozen this way. It's part of growing up. Things change. Summer ends.
Mabel (Yells and runs away)
Dipper Ah! (Falls over, as he was leaning on her) Mabel, wait! I didn't mean it like that! Mabel, come back!
Mabel (Runs into the woods crying; sits under a tree, digs through the backpack) Only party chocolate can cheer me up now. (Holds up a notebook) Nerd books? (Holds up pens) Chewed up pens? Ugh, wrong backpack. Not fair. I just wish summer could last forever. (Pulls her sweater over herself)
Bill Cipher (Possessing Blendin Blandin; offscreen) That might be possible!
Mabel Sweatertown is not accepting incoming calls right now.
Bill M-M-M-Mabel, it's me.
Mabel What? Who said that?
Bill (Walks up to her, adjusting camoflauge suit) I-I-I can help.
Mabel The time travel guy? What are you doing here?
Bill You said you don't want summer to end, right? D-did-did I hear that right?
Mabel Yeah... why are you asking?
Bill Look, maybe it's against the rules, but you once did a favor for me, so I thought I could help you out. It's called a time bubble, and it prevents time from going forward. Summer in Gravity Falls can last as long as you want it to!
Mabel (Wipes up tears) R-Really? But how does it work?
Bill I just need you to get a little gizmo for me from your uncle. (Wristwatch displays the rift) It's something small. He won't even know it's missing.
Mabel Huh. Maybe Dipper has something like that in his nerd-bag.
Cut to Ford in the lab. Dipper walks in.
Ford Let me guess: Mabel didn't take it well?
Dipper I don't know, maybe I'm making the wrong decision. I need to think about this.
Ford Dipper, right now we need to focus on the mission. Now come on, I've got the glue; hand me the rift and let's make history.
Dipper (Reaches into bag and pulls out birthday flyer) What? Oh no! The RIFT!
Cut to Mabel in the woods.
Mabel (Pulls the rift out of the backpack) Huh. That's... odd. This it?
Bill Yes, that's it! Just hand it over and I'll do my thing. Unless you're ready to leave Gravity Falls.
Mabel Just a little more summer. (Gives it to him)
Bill Oops. (Drops it and stomps on it, breaking it)
Mabel What?!
Bill (Laughs maniacally, takes off goggles to reveal his eyes)
Mabel Oh no! Wait, wait wait!
Bill (Snaps fingers, making Mabel fall unconscious; leaves Blendin's body) At last! At long, long last! The gateway between worlds has opened! The event one billion years prophesized has finally come to pass! The day has come! The world is finally mine! (Laughs maniacally as the rift tears reality into the Nightmare Realm)
Townspeople look on, worried. Wind blows. Dipper and Ford run out of the Mystery Shack.
Dipper What's going on?! What is that?!
Ford We're too late! It's the end of the world.
Bill (Rises up, cackling maniacally)
Zoom into Bill's eye; end credits: Dipper and Mabel's birthday flyer sits on the ground as lightning crackles and screams are heard. A helicopter is heard above and the flyer blows away.

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