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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Fight Fighters." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "The Time Traveler's Pig" Next: "Little Dipper"
The episode opens to Soos showing Mabel and Stan around an arcade.
Soos Ramirez This is it dudes, my favorite place in Gravity Falls. Everything I know, I learned right here. A frog taught me how to cross a street. When my house was haunted, I learned how to eat ghosts. And this thing taught me how to dance.
Old Man McGucket (Dancing on an out of order dancing machine) Woo-hoo-hoo! I've been jiggin' here for seven days straight!
Mabel Pines (Picks up the plug to the dance machine) Uh, Soos?
Soos Let him have this.
Stan Pines (Walks to a new video game called "Insert Token!") Huh? (Inserts a coin)
Game voice Congratulations! You win!
Screen resumes saying: "Insert token!" Stan gets upset and growls. Cut to Dipper and Wendy playing Fight Fighters, with Rumble McSkirmish and Dr. Karate as their player characters.
Dipper Pines and Wendy Corduroy Oh, oh, oh!
Dipper Watch out! Wow! Ooh, cutscene!
Rumble DR. KARATE, YOU KILLED MY FATHER AGAIN!
Dr. Karate HHNNGHHHH!!!!!!!
Rumble YOU TAKE THAT BAAACKKKK!!!!!!!!
Game announcer Fight!
Rumble and Dr. Karate, being controlled by Dipper and Wendy, fight each other.
Dipper Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Go! Go!
Game announcer K.O! The winner: Rumble Mcskirmish!
Rumble WINNERS DON'T LOSE!
Wendy What? You cheated.
Dipper (Imitating Rumble:) YOU TAKE THAT BAAACK! (Laughs)
Game announcer Round Two!
Wendy I'm gonna punch the ref.
Game announcer Fight!
Dipper Let's gang up on him.
Rumble and Dr. Karate do all of the combo moves so that they aren't hitting each other but it looks as though they are hitting the referee.
Wendy Hohoho.
Robbie is nearby, putting up a flyer.
Dipper and Wendy (Laugh)
Robbie Valentino Wendy! What's up, babe? Yeah, just putting up some flyers for my band. I'm playing lead guitar. No biggie.
Dipper (Looks skeptically at the picture of Robbie on the poster) Are you wearing mascara?
Robbie Uh, it's eye-paint for men.
Wendy Hey Robbie, Dipper was just showing me this great game.
Robbie Ha, yeah, sweet, sweet. (To Dipper:) Hey, how about you sit this one out, okay champ?
Dipper But we just started this round.
Robbie (Defensively:) Whoa, whoa, hey! Relax man, I'm just trying to spend a little time with my girlfriend, alright?
Wendy (To Dipper:) It'll just be one round.
Game announcer Round Three! Fight!
Wendy and Robbie start playing the game and talking.
Wendy So hey, I'm gonna go camping tomorrow with my dad so, I won't be around.
Robbie Oh, cool, cool, watch out! (Puts his arm over Wendy's shoulder and subtly glares at Dipper)
Game announcer Opponent sighted! Fight!
Cut to theme song. Cut to Mystery Shack, where Stan, Dipper, Mabel and Soos are playing poker.
Mabel King me! (Reveals her hand which has two Kings)
Stan, Soos, Dipper Aww! Come on!
Stan It's not fair, she doesn't even know what we're playing!
Mabel Go Fish?
Electric guitar starts playing outside the shack.
Soos Dude, I think I'm picking up a radio station inside my head.
Mabel  Try blinking to see if you can change the channel.
Soos (Blinks)
Robbie (Offscreen; singing:) Weeendy!
Dipper Ugh, sounds like Robbie.
Stan Robbie? Is he that jerky twerp I see making goo-goo eyes at Wendy all the time?
Soos  He called me "Big Dude" once. I mean, I know I'm a big dude, but it kinda hurt.
Mabel  Should I sic Waddles on him again?
Waddles (Chews Mabel's sweater)
Mabel Whoa, easy tiger. 
Dipper (Gets up) I'll handle it. (Leaves)
Stan, Mabel and Soos Ooooooh!
Stan Ha ha, conflict!
Robbie (Singing:) Wendy! Wendy, Wendy! (Shouting:) Wendy! C'mon out, girl! C'mon down!
Dipper  You realize she's not here, right?
Robbie (Scoffs) Yes! ...What?
Dipper She's out camping with her family today. (Quietly:) And if you listened to her for once you'd know that.
Robbie What was that?!
Dipper I- just said she's not here.
Robbie No, no, no! You want to get into it, huh? Lets get into it, kid! You think I don't know what's been going on, huh? It's obvious you've got a thing for my girlfriend, don't you? Don't you?!
Dipper What? No! C'mon, man!
Robbie (Sarcastically:) Yeah, I'm sure she's just DYING to ask out a 12-year old kid who wears the exact same shorts every day. Hey, here's an idea: (Pulls out his cell phone and calls Wendy) why don't I call her right now and see if she wants to go out on a date with you?
Dipper Hey! Look-! Don't! You don't have to-!
Robbie (Mimicking Dipper:) Oh! Don't! Please, man! (Holds up phone; normal voice:) What're you gonna do, huh? What, huh?
Wendy (On phone:) Hello?
Dipper (Smacks Robbie's cell phone out of his hand, making it hit the ground and break)
Robbie My phone!
Dipper I-I'll buy you a new one!
Robbie Oh no, you're not getting off that easy! (Lifts Dipper up by the collar and prepares to hit him)
Stan (Poking head out of window) Hey! I know a fight when I see one! Stay right there! (Closes window)
Robbie (Throws Dipper to the ground)
Robbie You. Me. Circle Park. 3 o'clock. (Walking away) We finish this.
Stan (Arrives with a bucket of popcorn) Aw, he's gone! I was just gonna call the boys over to place a few bets! (Chews popcorn) The smart money's on Skinny Jeans.
Cut to living room with Soos, Stan, Mabel, Waddles and Dipper, who is pacing back and forth.
Dipper What was I thinking?! I can't fight! I've never been in a fight before! Look at these noodle arms! (Waves arms)
Stan Just bonk him over the head! It's nature's snooze button!
Mabel Boys! Why can't you learn to hate each other in secret? Like girls do!
Stan (Snickers) Sure, listen to your sister! Maybe you can share dresses too! (Laughs) BOOM!
Dipper Maybe he'll just forget about it. Maybe it'll all blow over.
Soos I don't know, Dipper. Teenagers are dangerous. Those hormones turn them into like, killing machines!
Dipper R-Really?
Soos Oh yeah, dude. My cousin Reggie got in a fight with a teen once. The guy broke like, all his arms, all his legs, and I think, killed him or something, I don't know. Me and Reggie were just talking about it.
Dipper (Backing up into corner) I can't stay here! What if Robbie comes back!? I gotta hide!!
Stan Look, kid. You got yourself a choice here. You can either go face him like a man, or you can hide indoors like a wimp. What'll it be?
Dipper silently ponders what Stan said. Cut to arcade. Soos is playing an arcade game and Dipper is hiding under it.
Soos Wimp it is.
Dipper C'mon Soos, Robbie's twice my size. I mean, what will getting myself killed accomplish? I just need to hide here until 3 o'clock passes. (Looks at watch; it turns into 11:30) Uggggh, this day will never end!
Soos Relax, Dipper. Just try not to think about Robbie.
Dipper Ah! (Looks up at dozens of posters for Robbie's band, all with their slogan: "You're dead!")
Cut to Mystery Shack, where, on TV, Sassica berates a teenage girl.
Sassica Giiirl, why you 'ackin so cray-cray?
Crowd (Cheers)
TV Announcer Why You Ackin' So Cray-Cray? will be back in a moment.
Mabel Ugh, poor Dipper. Hiding from Robbie, unable to face his fears.
Waddles (Oinks)
Stan (Walking into kitchen) Fears are for chumps. That's why I don't have any. (Tries to reach an item on a shelf) Ugh, ugh!
Mabel  You want me to go get a ladder?
Stan We don't have one.
Mabel What?
Stan You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun. That's why I own ten guns, in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.
Mabel (Suspiciously:) Grunkle Stan, why you ackin' so cray-cray?
Stan YOU'RE the one who's "ackin' cray-cray!" (Leaving) I gotta go now.
Mabel Why would Grunkle Stan be so weirded out by ladders? Of course! I think he has a secret fear of heights! We'll have to test him to be sure! Or we could leave well enough alone... Nah! 
Cut to arcade, where Soos is playing NORT. His avatar falls over.
Soos Man, I wonder what it would be like to go inside a video game for real! (Drills his way into the arcade game itself) I should have thought of this years ago! (Tries to squeeze in)
Dipper (Playing "Fight Fighters") Stupid Robbie. Such a jerk!
Game announcer Round One! Fight!
Dipper loses the first round.
Game announcer K.O! Continue?
Rumble A WINNER NEVER RUNS AWAY FROM A FIGHT!!
Dipper (Sighs) That's easy for you to say, you have more than one life. Ugh, I wish one of these guys would fight Robbie for me. (Starts to insert another coin, but drops it and it rolls onto the floor. He bends down to pick it up and notices something written on the machine, and brushes off the dust, revealing the text; Reading message:) "To unleash ultimate power?" I do like things that are ultimate. (Enters code) Back, back, hold, forward, back, forward, down, hold, quarter circle, forward, triple punch! (Machine shuts down) I guess it didn't work. (Screen flares back to life) Uhhh Soos?
Game announcer SELECT YOUR CHARACTER!!
Dipper Uhhh... Rumble McSkirmish?
Rumble (Materializes outside of the game) KickkickkickkickKICK!
Dipper Whoa! You're real?
Dipper and Rumble HIGH FIVE! (High five)
Dipper Ow! Your pixels are really sharp! Ugh!
Rumble GREETINGS, CHILD-BOY! I AM RUMBLE MCSKIRMISH, FROM THE U.S.A! PUNCH! KICK! PUNCH! KICK!! (Kicks Dipper)
Dipper Ow! Cooool!
Rumble (Spots a change machine) CHANGE MACHINE! CHANGE ME INTO A POWERFUL WOLF!! HWAAAAH!!! (Smashes change machine)
Dipper (To himself:) With Rumble around, Robbie will be so scared, I won't even need to fight him. I've got the world's greatest fighter to be my bodyguard!
Rumble (Flashes red) I need power ups!
Dipper This is so amazing! I gotta show Soos! (Looks around) Soos?
A man walks up to NORT machine and screams upon seeing Soos literally inside the game.
Soos Help, I'm trapped in the game! It was cool in theory but in practice it was really boring.
Man (Screams and runs away)
Soos It's not just a game anymore!
Cut back to Mystery Shack.
Mabel Alright, Waddles. It's time to begin. Operation Get Stan Over His Fear of Heights! I came up with that name. (Walks over to where Stan is sleeping on the couch; to Stan:) HAPPY GREAT UNCLE'S DAY!
Stan (Stan wakes up and is handed a present by Mabel) Huh? Is it Great Uncle's Day?
Mabel Ha ha, yeah of course it's not a day I made up.
Stan (Opens the box and pulls out high heels) High heels? You shouldn't have. Seriously, wha- what? What is this?
Mabel What's wrong? Are you saying these heels are TOO high? Do they make you uncomfortable? Hmm?
Stan Maybe.
Mabel Admit it! Admit you have a fear of heights!
Stan (Adjusting television's antennae) What? That's why you bought me these? You should be ashamed of yourself! And on Great Uncle's Day no less. But no, I don't have a "fear of heights."
TV announcer We now return to "World's Most Terrifying Skydiving!"
Stan Ah! Ah! Turn it off! (Trips over the dinosaur skull) So I have a fear of heights. Is that really so cray-cray?
Cut to the kitchen.
Rumble (Attacks fly; laughs)
Dipper (Checking the refrigerator) Well, we don't have any traditional power ups: turkey legs, pizza boxes, or gold rings. How about... half a taco?
Rumble Place it, on the floor.
Dipper puts the taco on the floor, Rumble looks at it, it disappears and then reappears in his power-ups menu.
Dipper I wish I could do that!
Rumble Now I must defeat the world's greatest fight-fighters. Take me to the Soviet Union!
Dipper That's gonna be tough... for a number of reasons. But I do know a fighter here in Gravity Falls.
Rumble Maximum Power?
Dipper (Gives Rumble one of Robbie's band posters) His name is Robbie V. and he's kinda like my arch enemy.
Rumble Did he kill your father?
Dipper Well he's dating the girl I like and he posts a really annoying amount of status updates.
Rumble (Crumples the poster) And then he killed your father!
Dipper Uh, sure. Anyway, I was hoping you could, y'know, scare him off for me so I don't have to fight the guy.
Rumble Hahaha! Your question makes my shoulders bounce! Fire ball! (Shoots a Hadouken at the window, does the actions as he says them:) Uppercut! Downer-cut! Bowl of PUNCH! (Drinks from punch bowl and then smashes it)
Dipper So you'll protect me from Robbie?
Rumble Challenge accepted! Press start! (A start button appears)
Dipper (Presses it) Uh oh, I think I hear my uncle. Stay perfectly still!
Pans out, showing Dipper standing next to Rumble, who is rocking back and forth in a fighting stance.
Dipper I said stay still.
Rumble (Still rocking back and forth) This is as still as I can stay!
Cut to attic.
Mabel How am I gonna get Grunkle Stan over his fear of heights?
Dipper (Walks in with Rumble) Hey Mabel. Have you met Rumble yet? He's my new bodyguard.
Rumble The child gave me a taco!
Mabel Wow! He's got a crazy voice! Here, say these words. (Writes words on a piece of paper and hands them to Rumble)
Rumble (Reading:) Effer...vescent! Apple..fritter! RIBOFLAVIN!!
Dipper Mabel, he's not a toy, he's a fighting machine. I'm gonna get him to defend me from Robbie.
Mabel Isn't that kinda like cheating?
Dipper I guess so. Well, I'll see you after the fight.
Rumble (Reading:) POOP! POOP AND BUTTS!
Cut to Dipper and Rumble out on Main Street.
Rumble Tell me my opponent's special moves.
Dipper Don't worry. As soon as he sees you, he's gonna wet his pants.
Rumble His wet pants will be no match FOR THIS! (Picks up a metal pipe and whips it around)
Dipper Whoa! Where'd that came from?
Rumble I punched an oil drum!
Dipper Trust me, you won't need that. Just give him a good scare.
Rumble Yes... (Picks up a sword) WITH THIS!!! (Swings sword around)
Dipper This street has really dangerous litter.
Cut back to the Mystery Shack. Stan is drinking Pitt Cola in the living room.
Mabel (Creeps up behind his chair) HEY GRUNKLE STAN!!
Stan (Spits his drink out in surprise)
Mabel How would you like to go take a walk nowhere in particular while wearing a blindfold?
Stan Eh, beats just sittin' around here being old. (Gets up, pauses and then starts to sit back down) Wait a minute... you're not planning on taking me someplace super high up, are you?
Mabel Grunkle Stan! I would never!  (Puts on scout's honor sweater) Scout's honor!
Stan Okay, let's go.
Stan walks away, and Mabel turns around to reveal the back of the sweater has crossed fingers on it. She chuckles mischievously and pulls her tucked hair out of the sweater so that it's covering the crossed fingers. Cut to Circle Park. Robbie is waiting. Three bells ring. Robbie approaches Dipper.
Robbie Well, well, well! Look who decided to show up! I thought you chickened out. You ready to settle this like men?
Dipper Look dude, I don't think you want to fight me. Let's just call this thing off before someone gets hurt.
Robbie You scared, huh? Is that it?
Dipper Okay, dude! You asked for it! (Snaps his fingers)
Rumble (Comes out from the dark and assumes fighting pose)
Robbie Who's your friend? And why is he... blurry?
Dipper This happens to be the greatest warrior that ever lived!
Robbie Yeah, right! Hey Eye Patch, what did the kid promise you? More tape for your forearms? (Laughs)
Rumble HOW CAN YOU LAUGH, WHEN YOU KILLED THIS BOY'S FATHER?!?!!
Robbie (Confused) Wait, what?
Dipper I'm giving you one last chance, back down, or this guy's gonna go nuts.
Robbie How 'bout YOU back down, kid?
Dipper You asked for it. Rumble? Go!
Robbie (Laughs; ducks Rumble's punch) What the-? (Tries to run away, but Rumble picks him up) Whoa! Hey! What's happening?
Dipper I didn't wanna have to do this, man, but you gave me no choice. Maybe now, if you-
Rumble HA HA! (Slams Robbie to the ground)
Dipper Whoa! Rumble! You can stop! I think Robbie's had enough-
Rumble RUMBLE... (Throws Robbie high in the air) THROW!
Dipper STOP! I SAID STOP!
Robbie (Lands on metal bars) Hey! What the-? THAT GUY'S CRAZY!
Rumble FIREBALL! (Throws a fireball, which hits the bars and Robbie runs off)
Dipper What the heck was that?! You were only supposed to scare him; you almost killed him!
Rumble I WILL NOT REST UNTIL THE MAN WHO DISHONORED YOU IS DESTROYED!!! (Punches Robbie's band poster and runs after him) AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGG! (Jumps up and punches an electric pole) PUNCH!!
Dipper This isn't good. (Arrives at Barrels & Crates, Incorporated) Something told me this would be his first stop.
Robbie runs out of the building and starts down the fire escape. Rumble Breaks through the wall with a barrel.
Rumble AHA!! (Throws barrel at Robbie)
Robbie (Ducks to avoid the barrel) Chill out man! Just chill out!
Dipper Please, Rumble! You gotta stop!
Rumble throws down barrels at Robbie, which Robbie jumps over, imitating

Donkey Kong, then continues chasing him)

Dipper (Chasing after them) Rumble, wait!
Rumble Punch punch punch! (A "Go!" sign appears)
Dipper (Running) You don't have to do this! At least pace yourself... (Starts to slow down as he gets a cramp in his side) You might get a cramp- (Stops) Ah!
Cut to a man giving his son a key of a car.
Son I love you, Dad.
Robbie runs by, and Rumble chases him. Then the scene changes to Rumble's bonus round, causing Rumble to destroy the car. Rumble gets a perfect score. The boy drops down on his knees.
Son (His words appear above him as he says them) Oh! My car.
Man We'll just buy another one.
Son I love being rich.
Rumble (Chases Robbie through an outdoor barbecue) ALL YOU CAN EAT! (Smashes grill)
Dipper splashes water on his face and continues chasing after them but then stops and pants. Soos pulls up in his pick-up truck.
Dipper Soos! Where you been?
Soos Uh, (Gestures to the NORT frame around his neck) long story, man. Dude, you see that video game guy tearing up everything in sight? Ha ha! That's crazy!
Dipper Yeah, I kinda sorta brought him to life to be my bodyguard. But now I have to stop him before he kills Robbie!
Soos You need an amiable sidekick with a pickup truck?
Dipper You know I do. (Gets into truck)
Cut to water tower. Mabel and Stan (wearing blindfolds) are on it.
Mabel Take off your blindfolds... now!
Stan (Removes his blindfolds and sees the great height he's at) Yeah, that's pretty much what I was expecting.
Mabel You're doing better than I thought! Now let go of the handrail...
Stan (With a death grip on the railing; In a high-pitched voice:) Nope.
Mabel Hey, do you smell anger and hormones?
Robbie (Runs up the water tower) Finally! I'm safe!
Mabel Hey, Robbie! Get your own water tower!
Robbie SSSHHHHH! Keep it down! He'll find us!
Rumble CHALLENGER SIGHTED!
Robbie (Screams)
Soos (Pulls up in his truck; to Dipper:) Time to save the day, dude.
Rumble YOU CAN HIDE, BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE!
Dipper (Runs up to Rumble) Rumble! This has to stop! Please! Listen to me!
Rumble (Kicks the water tower, making it lean)
Mabel What's happening!?
Stan Oh boy...
Mabel We're safe, right?
Stan Of course not! This thing is on stilts! High high up!
Robbie falls off the water tower and is caught by Rumble.
Game announcer FINISH HIM!
Robbie No no no, don't! Don't finish me!
Rumble (Gathers up fireball, which is vaporized when a coin hits his head) HWUUUUAAAAAAAAA??!!??
Dipper RUMBLE! (Throws aside two black planks he was using to make a cut scene effect) Rumble! I have something to tell you! Robbie... Robbie didn't kill my father.
Rumble HUUUUUUHH? THEN WHO DID???
Dipper What? No one. I-I lied to you.
Rumble HWUUUHH??? WELL THEN YOU'RE ACTUALLY A... BAD GUY!
Dipper I guess I kinda am...
Rumble (Hangs Robbie from a tree by his hood, and a cut scene begins; Voice-over:) My entire journey, a lie! My honor has been disgraced! Sensei warned me not to join the path of evil... the boy has led me astray! (To Dipper:) If Robbie V. is not the last stage, then it must be... YYYYYOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!! ("START" button appears next to Dipper)
Soos (Runs up to Dipper) Don't fight him, man! That guy's got like a black belt wrapped around his black belt. You could get killed!
Dipper I have to. I started all this and I've got to at least try to stop it.
Soos You sure you wouldn't rather hide like a wimp?
Dipper (Hits "START")
Soos Fight like a man it is.
Game announcer READY?
Dipper and Rumble's health bars fill up. Rumble gets into a fighting stance and Dipper gets into a fighting stance that mimics his.
Game announcer FIGHT!
Rumble (Charging at Dipper) AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHH!!!!
Dipper (Charging at Rumble) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Rumble FIREBALLTHROWLIGHTNINGBALLTHROW!! FIRE!!!! (Throws it and misses Dipper. Kicks Dipper, causing his health to drop dramatically; Laughs) YOU FIGHT LIKE A GIRL! WHO IS ALSO A BABY!
Dipper Urr! (Runs and uppercuts Rumble in slow motion) AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Soos (In slow motion:) DUUUUUUUUDE!
Rumble (Falls to ground)
Dipper Yes! (Rumble's health goes down by 0.5%) Oh no. (Runs away from Rumble, screaming)
Soos (Climbs tree and waves arm in front of Rumble's health, which slightly blurs but doesn't disappear) Eh. Eh. (Stops swinging at health bar) Well, it was worth a shot.
Rumble throws another fireball and misses and Dipper climbs up a tree.
Rumble (Paces around under him) NO! I HAVE NO LOOKING UP! ANIMATION! (Tries to look up) AAAAAAAAAAA... (Falls flat to the ground)
Dipper (Laughs; Jumps down from tree) So, what should I do, roll him up and put him on my wall?
Soos Dude, we should rock paper scissors for him!
Rumble FIST! PUNCH! RAAAAAIIIIINNNN!!!!!! (Fists rain on Dipper and Soos. He gets up) NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THAT I HAVE PUNCHES!! (Starts flaming) HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Punches Dipper repeatedly) SUPER POWER NINJA TURBO NEO ULTRA HYPER MEGA MULTI ALPHA META EXTRA UBER PREFIX... COMBO!!!
A small twinkle of light appears on a black screen, then a mushroom cloud shaped like a fist appears.
Dipper (Lying on the ground, badly beaten; To Rumble:) You, sir, truly are the greatest fighter ever.
Game announcer RUMBLE WINS!
Rumble WINNERS DON'T LOSE!
Dipper I wouldn't be too sure about that, man.
Game announcer GAME OVER!
Rumble (Disintegrates) HEH?! NO! NOOOOOOO!!!
Dipper Game over, old friend. (Collects points and writes "DIP" into the high score entry in the air)
Soos Heh! Nice one, dude!
Back to the water tower, which Mabel and Stan are clinging to.
Mabel I'm sorry, Grunkle Stan! I thought this would help, but I was wrong! So wrong!!
Stan I-I survived! I survived and I feel great! Wait, let me do a cocky dance just to be sure: (As he does his cocky dance) Alala-loo-doodly-doo-doodly-doo! HAHA! DEAL WITH IT WORLD! STAN PINES HAS CURED HIS FEAR OF HEIGHTS! (Starts down ladder and stops when he notices that Mabel isn't coming) You comin', kid?
Mabel Uh-uh.
Stan What's the matter, YOU got a fear of heights, now? Haha! (Pauses) Uh-oh.
Robbie (Unhooks his hood from tree branch; to Dipper:) What? Who-who-who was that guy?! Why is it that whenever you're around, there's always ghosts or monsters, or whatever?!
Dipper I don't know, man.
Robbie That guy almost broke my neck! You know how mad I am right now?!!
Dipper So I guess you and I have to fight now, huh? Go ahead, man. Do your worse. I just want to get this over with.
Robbie Oh, man! I am so gonna enjoy this! (Raises his fist) Aren't you gonna run?
Dipper Nope.
Robbie ...Are you sure?
Dipper (Nods)
Robbie (Pauses; scoffs) It's not even worth it! I play lead guitar so I gotta save my hands.
Wendy (Walks up to Dipper and Robbie) Hey guys! I heard some crazy screaming back here.
Dipper and Robbie Wendy?
Dipper You're back!
Wendy Yeah, man. Whoa! What the heck happened here? Freak tornado or something?
Dipper and Robbie Uh, yeah, sure.
Wendy And why are your faces all jacked up? You guys weren't fighting each other, were you? I hate it when guys fight.
Dipper No! Fighting?
Robbie Why would we be fighting? Never!
Dipper Yeah, we actually fell over trying to stop two other guys from fighting each other.
Wendy Cool! It really makes me happy to see my two boys hanging out. I got some unpacking to do. I'll text you guys later. (Kisses Robbie and pats Dipper, then leaves)
Dipper Did you hear that? She called me one of her two boys!
Robbie She was looking at me, though.
Dipper Look, Robbie, if we're stay at each other's throats, we're both gonna lose Wendy. We need to make a cold war pact.
Robbie Okay. What's that?
Dipper We need to learn to hate each other, in silence.
Robbie You mean like, what girls do?
Dipper Yeah, exactly! What girls do.
Cut to Mystery Shack. Dipper, Robbie, and Wendy are at the cash register.
Wendy (Brushing her hair) So, then I told Thompson, "Hey, save some for the rest of us!"
Dipper and Robbie Ha! Good one, Wendy! That's great!
Wendy (Drops her hairbrush) Aw, man. Just a sec. (Bends down to retrieve it)
Dipper and Robbie (Growl at each other)
Wendy (Stands back up, having found the hairbrush and resumes brushing her hair) So as I was saying...
Dipper and Robbie (Agreeing with Wendy)
Cut to credits. Dipper, Stan, Mabel, and Wendy are shown in front of the Mystery Shack in video game graphics.
Dipper I'm Dipper. I have shorts and determination!
Mabel It's a-me! A-Mabel!
Stan I'm slower, but I jump higher.
Wendy Pick me or whatever.
Soos (Eats them like Pac-man; wakes up in the Gift Shop) Alas. Twas not but a dream. (Lays back down on the check out counter and closes his eyes) Om. Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom. Nom. Eating my friends. Nom. Nom.

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