Irrational Treasure/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Irrational Treasure." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Double Dipper"

Next: "The Time Traveler's Pig"

	The episode begins with the twins eating nachos inside Stan's car. Stan is honking while Mabel attaches nachos from her chip bag to her ears.
Mabel	Haha! Nacho earrings. I'm hilarious!
Stan	That's debatable. Aw, come on, what's with all this traffic? And why is it all...covered wagons? Oh no! No! No! (Pushes gas pedal) Not today! Not today!
	A few women gasp in the presence of him nearly running them over. He backs up, and begins to drive the car backwards.
Dipper	Grunkle Stan, what's going on?
Stan	We gotta get outta here. Before it's too late! (Sees that his car his trapped between a group of covered wagons) They've circled the wagons! We're trapped! Nooooooooo!
Mabel	(Looks outside her window and sees a cow) I've gotta good feeling about today.
	Cut to the theme song.
	The twins and Stan get out of the car and walk around an old fashioned-looking Main Street.
Dipper	Man. Look at the town. (Holds a post card up for a second. When he lowers it, the town is a sepia shade, but it is just due to a pane of dirty glass)
Worker	(Walking by, holding one end of the pane of dirty glass) Dirty glass. We got dirty glass! Dirty glass.
Stan	Ah, boy. It's Pioneer Day. Every year these yahoos dress up like idiots to celebrate the day Gravity Falls was founded.
Toby Determined	Welcome to 1863!
Stan	I will break you, little man!
Toby	Ahh! (Runs away and crashes into a barrel)
	Cuts to a view of people doing various activities, panning right. People doing candle dipping.
Mabel	Wow! Look! Candle dipping!
	People doing gold panning. Old Man McGucket, who is also gold panning, can be heard in the background, saying "Gold!"
Dipper	Whoa, gold panning!
Priest	(To a man and woodpecker:) I now pronounce you man and wife.
Woodpecker	(Pecks her husband's hand)
Woodpecker guy	I do!
Mabel	What chu talking 'bout?
Dipper	Oh yeah. I remember this. (Takes out Journal 3) In Gravity Falls it used to be legal to marry woodpeckers.
Woodpecker guy	Oh, it's still legal. (Puts a hand on his shoulder, where the woodpecker is perched) Very legal. (Walks away as the announcer speaks up)
Announcer	Come one and all for the opening ceremonies!
Mabel	Grunkle Stan, you coming?
Stan	No, thank you! Just remember if you come back to the Shack talking like these people, you're dead to me.
Dipper	There's a carpetbagger in the turnip cellar!
Mabel	Well hornswabber my haversack!
Dipper and Mabel	(Spit on ground and run off, laughing)
Stan	Dead to me!
	A crowd assembles around a large stage.
Sheriff Blubs	Here-ye, here-ye! Ye olde commencement ceremony is about to commence.
Deputy Durland	(Ringing bell) Woo! I got a bell!
	Cut to the audience, where a robber steals an old woman's purse.
Old woman	Oh, no! Police, my purse!
Durland	(Rings bell) Ring ring! Ring ring! Woo!
Blubs	(Chuckles) He sure loves his bell.
Pacifica Northwest	(Comes on stage and taps a microphone) Howdy, everyone! You all know me, Pacifica Northwest, great-great granddaughter of town-founder, Nathaniel Northwest. I'm also very rich.
	The crowd applauds.
Pacifica	Now if you've got the pioneer spirit, we ask you come on up and introduce yourself.
Mabel	(Gasps) Audience participation!
Dipper	I don't know, Mabel. Isn't that girl kinda like your arch-enemy?
Mabel	That's water under the bridge. (Laughs and runs onstage)
Pacifica	Our first newcomer is... (Sees Mabel; angrily:) Mabel...
Mabel	Yeah! Let's get this Pioneer Day started! Right guys? USA! USA!
Crowd	USA! USA!
Patriotic Man	(While crying tears of joy:) USA, USA!
Pacifica	I'm sorry to break it to you, but Pioneer Day is for serious people, and you look and act ridiculous. (Looking at Mabel's sweater) I mean, a puppy playing basketball? Are you always this silly?
Mabel	Hey, I can be serious! (Glares)
Pacifica	You do have nachos hanging from your ears, hon.
Mabel	(Touches her nacho earrings and blushes)
Pacifica	Haha, wow, I'm embarrassed for you. (To the audience:) Give her a hand everybody!
	Crowd applauds and Dipper looks worried.
Mabel	(Sadly walks off of the stage)
Pacifica	Now who wants to hear more about me?
Dipper	(To the people standing near him as he makes his way toward Mabel) Excuse me.
Pacifica	(As the Northwest Family lines up for a photo) Everyone say Northwest!
Northwest Family	Northwest!
	Camera clicks, taking picture.
Pacifica	(Laughs and tilts head) We're perfect.
	Cut to Mabel and Dipper.
Dipper	(To Mabel:) Hey, you okay?
Mabel	I need some old-timey butterscotch.
	Cut to Stan in his car, which is stuck in the mud. Steve walks up to him.
Stan	Hey there, uh, donkey boy! Give me a hand me a hand with my car, huh?
Steve	Here in 1863, I have never heard-tell of a "car." Pray-tell, what is this magic wheel box?
Stan	Ah, c'mon, Steve, you're a mechanic for Pete's sake! Cut me some slack.
Steve	"Slack?" I am unfamiliar with this bold, new expression.
Stan	I can't take this anymore! (Grabs Steve by the collar) I'm getting dumber every second I'm here!
Blubs	(Running up alongside Durland) Are we gonna have to intervene here?
Stan	Oh, look. The "Constable." What are you gonna do? Throw me in "ye stocks?" (Laughs.)
	Cut to Stan in stocks.
Stan	Aw, c'mon! (Gideon, wearing old fashioned, nobleman attire, walks by, humming) Hey, nice outfit, Gideon. You actually look less girly than usual.
Gideon Gleeful	Why, Stanford. I'm just a humble tomato farmer, selling his wares. Whoops, I dropped one. (Throws a tomato at Stan's right eye) Whoops, I dropped another one. (Throws a tomato at Stan's left eye)
Stan	Ugh! (Tomatoes still covering his eyes, looks up at sky and screams:) PIONEER DAY!
	Cut to the twins sitting near a large statue of Nathaniel Northwest.
Mabel	Dipper, can I ask you something? Do you think I'm silly?
Dipper	Uh, nnnoooo?
Mabel	I knew it! The nacho earrings, the sweater. I thought I was being charming, but I guess people see me as a big joke. (Throws off her nacho earrings, takes off her sweater, and ties her sweater around her waist)
Dipper	C'mon, Mabel, you love that sweater!
Mabel	I did before Pacifica ruined it for me. She ruins everything!
Dipper	(Stands up, turns around, and glares at the statue) Pacifica! Why does she think that being related to the town founder means she can treat everyone like garbage. Someone needs to take her down a peg. (Gasps) Wait a minute! I feel like I read something about Pacifica's great-great grandfather before. (Opens Journal 3) Of course! Oh, this is perfect. (In a deep voice:) In my investigations... (Normal voice:) Should- should I do the voice?
Mabel	Nuh uh.
Dipper	I'll just read... normal. (Reading from journal:) In my investigations I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the true founder of Gravity Falls! I believe this secret is emburied somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code. (Opens the document, revealing a complex series of letters, symbols and words) Oh, man! If this cover-up is true, it means Pacifica's whole family is a fraud. This could be a major conspiracy!
Mabel	Really?
Dipper	I got to investigate this!
Mabel	Wait! I'm coming with you. Conspiracies are serious, right?
Dipper	Oh yeah, definitely.
Mabel	Well, if I help you crack this code, then nobody could call me silly again!
Dipper	Yeah! Mystery twins?
Mabel	I thought you hated that.
Dipper	I'm starting to accept it.
Dipper and Mabel	(Fist bump and run off)
Blubs	(Behind the statue, into a walkie-talky:) This is Sheriff Blubs. We've got a code sepia!
Dispatcher	(Spits out coffee) What?! And what are you doing about it?
Blubs	I'm following them right now.
Dispatcher	Find them and stop them. There's no room for error.
Blubs	I understand. Blubs out. (To Durland:) Deputy Durland, maintaining this cover-up is the mission we've been training for our entire careers. Are you ready?
Durland	(Ringing bell) Woo!
Blubs	Hehe, if being delightful was crime, you'd be breaking the law.
Durland	Let's go get 'em!
	Cuts to inside the Gravity Falls Library.
McGucket	Back in the olden days, pioneers drew subsistence from telling stories 'round the fire. So let's eat some books, children! Go ahead, eat the books! (Chews a book)
Dipper	Alright, Mabel, if we can prove Nathaniel Northwest wasn't the real founder of Gravity Falls, it will finally put Pacifica in her place.
Mabel	And solving a mystery will prove that I'm not silly. I'm serious. Seeeeriousss... (Laps up candy from the table into her mouth with her tongue)
Dipper	(Places some slides into a projector) We just need to crack this code. Let me see... it's not Egyptian, it's not numerology, it's not, wait-of course! The triangle is the alchemist symbol for flame. Lighting the parchment on fire will reveal the secret message!
Mabel	It's so obvious!
Dipper	Alright, let's just light this sucker up and, Mabel!
Mabel	(Now wearing a hat she made out of the document) Mwop! I just made a hat. Ugh, I just did something silly again. (Blows a raspberry)
Dipper	Wait, Mabel. You folded it into a map! And I was gonna burn it...
Blubs	(To a librarian:) We're on the lookout for two kids who might be reading.
Durland	We're hunting them down for secret reasons! (Rings bell) WOO!
Dipper and Mabel	(Hide under the table.)
Durland	(Knocks row of books off a shelf) DERP!
Dipper	(To Mabel:) Maybe we should take this elsewhere...
Mabel	This map should lead us to... (Cut to the twins standing in front of a museum.) ...The Gravity Falls Museum of History.
Dipper	You realize what this means, Mabel. (Looks up and squints.) We're gonna have to break. In.
	Dramatic music plays. Cut to Dipper and Mabel inside the museum at the entrance.
Sue	...And here are your free Pioneer Day passes, and your balloons, blue and pink. (Hands them balloons)
	Dramatic music plays.
Dipper	(Still looking up and squinting) We're in.
Mabel	(Walking through museum) What are we gonna do next, steal Thomas Jefferson's rib cage?
Dipper	Ewww, no. According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right... here!
	A triangular exhibition piece is mounted on the wall.
Dipper	We've gotta figure this one out quick, I have a feeling those cops weren't at the library to check out books...
Mabel	I don't think the one with the bell can read...
Dipper	So what is it anyway?
	The twins analyze the exhibit.
Both	Hmmmm...
	Mabel gets bored and walks over to a bench to sit down.
Mabel	(Walks over to a bench and sits down; turning upside-down on the bench) Hey painting, be less stupid! (Gasps) It worked!
Dipper	Huh? (Runs over and lays upside-down on the bench) Wait! It's not abstract, it's upside-down!
Mabel	I think I've seen that statue at the cemetery.
Dipper	Let's go! Quick!
Both	(Stand up and get dizzy, holding their heads) Ow.
Dipper	Head rush.
Sue	(To Deputy Durland:) I'm sorry, but we're all out of pink balloons.
Durland	(Disappointed:) Why did we even come?
Dispatcher	(Over walkie-talkie:) Officer Blubs.
Blubs	(Runs into the museum so that they're out of earshot; using walkie-talkie:) Blubs here.
Dispatcher	Have the targets been apprehended?
Blubs	Negative, but we're close. I promise, those kids'll never get past us.
Dipper and Mabel	(Run past them)
Blubs	Hey! Wait!
	Blubs and Durland chase the kids out of the museum, but get stuck in the door.
Blubs	Dang it!
	Cut to the Woodpecker and husband's house.
Woodpecker guy	For the last time, we are not going south for the winter! Our home is here!
Woodpecker	(Pecks the table)
Woodpecker guy	You always say that! (Storms out of the house)
Stan	(Struggling to get out of the stocks, trying to unlock the lock with a hairpin in his mouth) C'mon!  C'mon, ugh! (Drops pin)
Pacifica	(Picks up the pin) Well, if it isn't Mabel's uncle, Mr. Pines. Looking for this? (Holds up the pin)
Stan	Yeah, yeah. What d' ya want, money?
Pacifica	I want you to say that the Northwest family is the best family in Gravity Falls.
Stan	Oh sure, you want that in writing?
Pacifica	(Gives Stan a pen and let him writes something on a note with his mouth)
Stan	There you go. (The note says "YOU STINK!") Ha! I did that with my mouth!
Pacifica	(Whistles, catching the attention of people with tomatoes, and points to Stan)
Stan	Aw, come on!
	Cuts to Dipper and Mabel in the cemetery. Dipper is looking at the statue that is pointing off in the distance.
Dipper	Ah... The statue must be pointing to the next clue. (Looks in direction statue is pointing but then turns back when Mabel speaks up)
Mabel	(The finger of the statue sticking in her nose) Oh, gross! She's picking my nose! Ha ha! (The tip of the statue's finger bends upward, opening a secret door in the grave) Ach.
Dipper	Mabel, look!
Mabel	Ha! Who's silly now, Pacifica? Bam! (Tries to jump down from statue but her nose is still there so the finger tugs on her nose) Ahh! Ow. Ow. Ow. (Getting down from the statue) Okay.
Mabel	Now we're getting into real conspiracy mode. I feel serious. Mmm. (Eats candy)
Dipper	Okay, look out for booby traps.
Mabel	Ha! Booby traps. (Steps on a tile that triggers a bunch of darts to fly out of the wall towards her and Dipper)
Dipper	Tranquilizer darts! (Grabs Mabel's hand and maneuvers through the darts)
Mabel	Aah!
	They dodge the darts and fall down a path that leads them to a small set-up filled with confidential, historical information.
Mabel	It's a treasure trove of historic-y, secret-y things. (Picks up a top-secret document. The first page is about the secret of Abraham Lincoln's hat, and shows a picture of Lincoln in his top hat in one picture, and him without his top hat, with a hand sticking out of the top of his head, in the other. Mabel looks at the next page, where there is a picture of Benjamin Franklin wearing earrings, and the sub-caption says that he was secretly a woman) Oh, man! Ben Franklin secretly was a woman!
Dipper	(Finding and picking up a document titled "Northwest Cover-up") Hey, jackpot! Now we'll find out who the real town founder was. (Reading from document:) "Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled founder of Gravity Falls, was, in fact, a fraud...as well as a waste-shoveling village idiot"? (Laughs) Oh, bad news for Pacifica. Wait'll the papers hear about this!
Mabel	Once people see that I uncovered a historical conspiracy, they can never call me silly!
Dipper	(Reading from document:) "The true founder of Gravity Falls was sir lord, Quentin Trembley, III, Esquire."
Mabel	Who's Quentin Trembley?
Blubs	That's none of your business!
Durland	Whoo! We gotcha! Whoo! (Weakly:) Whoo! Hmm whoo-hoo. (Passes out. Several tranquilizer darts are sticking out of his back and head)
Blubs	He got hit with quite a few of those darts.
	Commercial break
Blubs	But Quentin Trembley's a matter of national security.
Durland	Yeah! Ye--ah (Puts hands on knees) woo. I think I might be colorblind now.
Dipper	What do you mean, "national security?"
Mabel	And who is Quentin Trembley, anyway?
Blubs	See for yourself. (Removes hat and takes out a reel of film. He puts it into a projector, and the projection screen shows a countdown in black and white)
Mabel	Aww, it's black and white?!
Dipper	Shh! Mabel.
	Reel starts, revealing a government official in an office.
Govt. official	If you're watching this, then you are one of eight people in these United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete. (Looks offscreen) --What? No? Ho! Well, that's a relief! (Looks back at the camera) Of all of America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembley: The eighth-and-a-half president of the United States.
Dipper and Mabel	President?
Mabel	Eighth-and-a-half?
Govet. official	After winning the 1837 election in a landslide, (On the video, a picture of Quentin Trembley standing next to the other presidential candidates is shown. A landslide kills the other candidates) Quentin Trembley quickly gained a reputation as America's silliest president. He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the supreme court, and issued the de-pants-ipation proclamation. His state of the union speech was even worse.
Trembley (reenacted recording)	The only thing we have to fear is gigantic, man-eating spiders!
Govt. official	He was kicked out of office and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls, after plummeting into it at high speed. Trembley's shameful term was erased from history and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as President and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as founder of Gravity Falls. The whereabouts of president Trembley's body are unknown.
Blubs	Until now.
	Cut to Quentin Trembley, who is encased in an amber-colored rectangle.
Dipper	Whoa! Is that, like, amber or something?
Blubs	The fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid peanut brittle. Smooth move, Mr. President! Finding Trembley's body was our special mission. And now, thanks to you, it's complete.
Durland	Who knew all we had to do was follow a little girl's (Holds up one of Mabel's candy wrappers) trail of candy wrappers?
Mabel	Ugh, (Face-palms) silly!
Blubs	Now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talkin' about it.
Dipper	Does that mean--?
Mabel	Are you going to kill us?!
Durland	OH NO!
Blubs	No, no. (To Durland:) Calm down now, buddy, calm down. (To the twins:) We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington. You ain't comin' back, by the way.
	Cut to the inside of a train
Durland	(Unfolds fold-out bed) Woo-hoo! We got fold-out beds!
Blubs	(Opens suitcase and pulls out book) Good thing I brought my book of spooky ghost stories!
Durland	(Takes out colored rope) I brought rope for friendship bracelets!
	Cut to Dipper and Mabel who are trapped in a crate with Quentin Trembley's body.
Mabel	Anyone there?! Help help help!
Dipper	Hey! Let us out!
Mabel	Oh. I can't believe I left a trail of candy wrappers. This is all my fault. Pacifica had me pegged all along. I'm just a silly failure, like that embarrassing president what's-his-name. (Eats piece of peanut brittle, breaking the block and freeing Trembley)
Dipper and Mabel	Aahh!
Trembley	It is I, Quentin Trembley. (Rips off pants)
Dipper	You're alive! But how?
Mabel	Peanut brittle really does have life-sustaining properties! You're not silly, you're brilliant!
Trembley	And so are you, dear girl, for following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!
Dipper	He's right! Making maps into hats, hanging upside-down; Your silliness solved the code that serious cops couldn't crack in a hundred years!
Mabel	Oh, stop it.
Trembley	By Jefferson! We seem to be trapped in some sort of crate-shaped box.
Mabel	It's a crate, Mr. President.
Trembley	(Pulls out key) Good thing I have the President's Key, which can open any lock in America! (Repeatedly slams it at the side of the crate)
Dipper	I... don't think that's gonna work.
Trembley	Wood! My age-old enemy. In order to get out of here, this is going to take the silliest plan ever conceived.
Dipper	I think I know who can help you. (Smiles at Mabel)
Mabel	Hmm. How 'bout... that hole? (Points to tiny hole near the corner of the crate)
Trembley	We will leap through it!
Trembley and Mabel	(Jump at the hole)
Trembley	(To Mabel, who's poking her finger through hole and moving it around:) Almost. Almost there Good! Keep pushing.
Dipper	I'm not sure this is working.
Mabel	Trust... the silliness!
Trembley	Fiddlesticks! Keep going!
	A woodpecker flies in and pecks at the crate, making a tapping noise.
Trembley	Is that my third wife? Sandy?
	The box falls apart.
Trembley	Well, we didn't fit through the hole. Let's rebuild the box and try again!
Dipper	We gotta get out of here!
Trembley	Also good!
	Dipper opens a door in the train and Durland, who is getting ice, sees the three of them and drops the bucket of ice.
Durland	Blubs!
	Dipper, Mabel, and Trembley run away. They climb up a ladder to get to the emergency escape. Trembley pulls out his key and starts pressing it against the door even though there's no lock.
Dipper	(Taking the key from Trembley) Give me that! (Turns the handle and they all run out onto the roof of the train, followed by Blubs and Durland)
Blubs	There (Huffs) is (Huffs) no (Huffs) escape! I gotta take a knee.
Durland	Are you okay? Can I get you anything?
Blubs	Edwin, darlin', you are a diamond in the rough.
Dipper	Sheriff Blubs, do you really want to lock us all up in a government facility somewhere?
Blubs	I've got no choice! Our orders come from the very top!
Dipper	Wait! Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?
Trembley	No, sir. I ate a salamander and jumped out the window.
Dipper	Then... technically you're still legally the President of the United States, right? (To Blubs and Durland:) You've gotta answer to this guy now!
Blubs and Durland	Huh?
Trembley	As president of these several United States, I hereby order you to pretend none of this ever happened. And- and go on a delightful vacation. (As the train goes by he hits his head on a metal rail) Ow! Mmm yeeees!
Blubs	Vacation? (To Durland:) What place have you always wanted to visit? One, two--
Blubs and Durland	Silly Water Fun Slides in Grand Lakes, Michigan!
	Cut to Dipper, Mabel, and Trembley outside of the train. Durling and Blubs are in the train wearing Hawaiian shirts and wave to the three as the train departs.
Blubs and Durland	Bye-bye! Bye!
Trembley	(Once the train is gone, he gets to a knee and looks at Mabel) You've done a great service to your country, Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official U.S. congressman. (Unfolds a black top-hat and hands it to Mabel)
Mabel	(Puts on hat) I'm legalizing everything!
Trembley	(To Dipper:) And Roderick,
Dipper	Uh- actually- uh-
Trembley	You dear boy are on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land. So I'd like you to have my President's Key!
	Cut to Trembley and the twins later on, back in Gravity Falls. Trembley is telling a story.
Trembley	And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom line, George Washington was a jerk.
Mabel	A-greed!
	Cut to Pacifica and her friends watching girls run around a small maypole.
Smabble	(Trips, but saves herself so that she doesn't fall onto the ground) Oh!
Pacifica	(To her friends:) Kick her off the team.
	Pacifica's friends walk away to do as she said. Mabel approaches Pacifica.
Mabel	Hey, Pacifica! I uncovered a government conspiracy about the eighth-and-a-half president of the United States! Who's silly now?
Pacifica	What? Who is that idiot?
	Cut to Trembley, who has his fists up and is chasing after a bald eagle.
Trembley	Put up your dukes, you bald fiend!
	Cut back to Mabel and Pacifica.
Mabel	The eighth-and-a-half president of America. How is he still alive? Well, turns out you can hibernate in peanut brittle and it--
Pacifica	(Bursts out into laughter) Wow! You really are a sad, dumb little girl. Nice top hat, by the way.
	Preston and Priscilla Northwest laugh mockingly.
Preston Northwest	(Laughs) Good one, daughter.
Pacifica	Ooh! I see your car is stuck in the mud. (Gets into sedan) Enjoy walking home!
Dipper	(To Mabel:) Aren't you gonna tell her about her ate-gray ampa-gray?
Mabel	You know what, Dipper? I've got nothing to prove. I've learned to see silly as awesome!
Dipper	Well, I haven't learned anything! (Whistles) Hey, Pacifica!
	Dipper runs to the Northwests' sedan. The car stops and Dipper hands Pacifica the documents on the Northwest cover-up through the window.
Dipper	Nathaniel Northwest didn't found Gravity Falls, and your whole family is a sham. Deal with it!
	Car drives away, and Pacifica looks out the back window, shocked.
Pacifica	What?! Moooom!!!
Dipper	(Now back at Mabel's side) Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!
Trembley	Children, I am needed elsewhere. Just know that I'll always be right here... (Pulls out bill) On the negative twelve dollar bill. (Hands Dipper bill)
Dipper	(Examines bill) Whoa. This is worthless.
Trembley	It's less then worthless, my boy. Trembley away!
	Trembley jumps backwards onto a horse and rides away.
Mabel	Where do you think he's going?
Dipper	I'm gonna say... off a cliff.
	Cut to Stan, who is telling to the twins the story of his imprisonment.
Stan	And then Soos came by and talked to me for like, an hour.
Mabel	You've been through so much.
Dipper	(Uses President's key to unlock the lock on the stocks and freeing Stan) It works!
Stan	(To Mabel:) So what's with the top hat?
Mabel	I am a congressman.
Stan	Pardon me?
Mabel	You are officially pardoned.
	Dipper and Mabel laugh, to Stan's befuddlement.
Stan	Oy! You a never gonna make sense, are you, kid?
Mabel	No, I'm not, Grunkle Stan. No, I'm not. Mabel, away! (Jumps backward)
	Crashing sound.
Mabel	I'm okay!
	Cut to end tag. Trembley is in a courtroom talking to giant babies with mustaches wearing top hats.
Trembley	Esteemed gentlemen of the Supreme Court of the United States, I implore you to rethink your decision!
	The babies just sit there making cooing noises.
Trembley	Very well. But who would you have replace me?
Baby	Mama.
Trembley	That old crone?!
Baby	Ba ba ba...
Trembley	Chief Justice Num-Num, y-you're spitting up on yourself! Now ohh! Oh, come on! This is a courtroom! I... this... this is a dark day for America.
	End