NOTE: Old Man McGucket is the only one actually present at all times. All other speakers speak only on the TV, and are part of clips from previous episodes. When another character is talking or appears, assume that the focus has cut from McGucket to the screen, and when McGucket is talking, unless specified otherwise, assume that the focus is back on him.
Open with the bulletin board. McGucket comes up with a whistling sound effect.
Hooo-eee! Howdy there. McGucket here. (Various clips play as he speaks) I seen so many gold medals here in Gravity Falls, I thought we was hosting some sports-ing event!
(To Mabel; whispers:) Is this making any sense to you?
(To Dipper; whispers:) I think he's just crazy.
But then I found out noooo this ain't for awards.
What are you playing at, old man?
(As various clips play. As he mentions each person a frame of them appears with their medal circled and flashing arrows pointing to them; whispers:) They're for a secret society. Everyone's in on it! Old Stan Pines, Sheriff Blubs, that mini-golf guy.
I've seen this before.
(Offscreen as clip plays) The guy at the carnival. (Cut to McGucket) I wish I could tell you more but I can't. Oh my goodness. My tooth is gold! (Clip of McGucket going "Wow!") Maybe I'm one of them.