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Episode opens with a shot of Northwest Manor in a thunder storm. Cut to manor interior, closeup of Priscilla Northwest reading a paper.
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Priscilla Northwest
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Preston, I must say, the guest list for this year's party has so much diversity!
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Preston Northwest
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Yes, a nice mix of millionaires and billionaires. (Swats servant with a newspaper) Put the oyster fork at an angle! We're not animals, man.
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Priscilla
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Now where the devil is—? (Turns to doorway, sees Pacifica in a lake foam green dress) Pacifica! (Pacifica curtsies, she walks up to her) What did I tell you about that dress? The theme is sea foam green, not lake foam green! Go change!
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Pacifica Northwest
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But, I- I kinda like it.
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Preston
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Mind your mother, Pacifica.
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Pacifica
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But-- (Preston rings a bell.) Yes, father.
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The ground begins to shake, while at the table, plates and utensils clatter. The Northwests and their staff stare and gasp.
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Preston
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Oh no! It's... happening.
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Furniture and dinnerware fly at the unfortunate individuals present, while everyone either ducks or hides underneath tables.
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Preston
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You are my possessions! (Swats a plate away) Obey me!
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More things fly at Preston. He screams and ducks underneath the table.
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Priscilla
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This is a disaster! The party's in just 24 hours!
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Preston
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Surely there's someone who can handle this sort of nonsense! (Looks at a newspaper and cuts beneath the headline to a picture of Dipper Pines warding off a giant vampire bat from Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland.) And I think I know just the person...
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Cut to (shortened) theme song.
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Cut to exterior shot of the Mystery Shack back porch, then interior. Dipper is sitting in the living room watching T.V.
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TV Voice
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You asked for it, you got it! An entire 48-hour marathon of Ghost Harassers on the "Used to Be About History Channel!"
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Dipper Pines
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Be strong, bladder. (Pats stomach.) We're not gonna move till sunset.
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Toby Determined
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(On TV:) We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news!
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Dipper
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Aww, what?
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Mabel Pines
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(Jumps into armchair beside Dipper.) It's starting!
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Candy Chiu
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(Jumps to Dipper's other side.) Turn it up!
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Grenda Grendinator
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Make room for Grenda! (Jumps in front of all three, breaking a lamp.)
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Cut to Toby Determined outside Northwest Manor.
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Toby
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Well tonight's the night, but I've been out here for days! (Zoom out to reveal tattered and filthy Toby.) The Northwest family's annual high-society-shindig-ball-soiree is here! And even though common folk aren't let in, that doesn't stop us from camping out for a peek at the fanciness!
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Girls
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Oooooooooh!
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Dipper
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Okay, can someone please explain why people care about this?
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Grenda
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It's pretty much the best party of all time. Rich food, richer boys!
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Mabel
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They say each gift basket has a live quail inside!
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Candy
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(Paws at TV screen which shows Pacifica being crowned Miss Gravity Falls) Give me your life, Pacifica.
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Dipper
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(Scoffs) Guys, in case you've already forgotten, Pacifica Northwest is the worst. (Knock at door; Dipper gets up to answer it.) And that's not just jealousy talking. I'd say that to her face. (Opens door, sees Pacifica in incognito.)
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Pacifica
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I need your help.
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Dipper
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You're the worst. (Slams door.)
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Other girls
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(Gasp)
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Dipper
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See? (Knock at door; Dipper opens it begrudgingly.)
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Pacifica
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Look. You think it's easy for me to come here? I don't want to be seen in this hovel. But there's something haunting Northwest Manor. (Takes off sunglasses.) If you don't help me, the party could be ruined!
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Dipper
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And why should I trust you? All you've ever done is try to humiliate me and Mabel.
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Pacifica
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Just name your price, okay? I'll give you anything!
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Mabel
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Hi, Pacifica! Excuse us! (Drags Dipper away by the arm.) Dipper! Don't you see what this means? If you help Pacifica, you could get us invites to the greatest party of all time!
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Dipper
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What? Mabel, this is Pacifica we're talking about!
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Mabel
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But it's Candy and Grenda's dream!
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Candy & Grenda
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(Starry-eyed, miming rainbows.) Dreeeaaaaaaam.
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Dipper
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(Sighs) Fine! I'll bust your ghost. But, in exchange, I'll need three tickets to the party.
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Pacifica
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Hrrn! You're just lucky I'm desperate.
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Mabel, Candy, & Grenda
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Wooo! (Chanting:) Des-perate! Des-perate! Des-perate!
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Mabel
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Grenda, get the glue gun. We're making dresses!
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Cut to exterior shot of Northwest Manor. A limo drives through the crowds as a butler pulls a lever to open the main gates and let it through. Two servants open the doors to the house, letting in Dipper, Mabel, Pacifica, Candy, and Grenda.
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Pacifica
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Welcome to Northwest Manor, dorks. Try not to touch anything.
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Girls
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(Misc. exclamations of wonder)
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Mabel
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Everything's so fancy! Fancy floors, fancy plants-- (Gasps.) fancy man! (Rubs butler's face.)
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Butler
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Mm, yes. Very good miss.
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Candy
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The rumors were true! (Holds up gift bag, live quail pops out, followed by three quail chicks.)
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Girls
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(Run off giggling.)
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Preston
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Ah, if it isn't the man of the hour! Hopefully you can help us with our little... situation, before the guests arrive in an hour.
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Dipper
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I'll do my best.
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Preston
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Splendid! Pacifica, take our guest to the "problem room," and, uh... he's not wearing that, is he?
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Camera zooms away revealing Dipper cleaning his teeth with his finger and with his shirt partially in his pants.
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Pacifica
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I'm on it.
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Cut to Dipper emerging from a dressing room in a tuxedo.
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Dipper
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Ugh, it's like this collar is strangling me. Who do you guys think you're impressing with this stuff?
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Pacifica
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Um, everyone. (Ties Dipper's bow tie.) You wouldn't understand. High standards are what make the Northwest family great.
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Dipper
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Funny, I thought it was lying about founding the town. (Fiddles with a picture frame's tassel.)
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Pacifica
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(Offscreen:) Don't touch that!
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Cut to overhead view of main ballroom.
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Grenda
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(Picks up large book,) Oh wow, guys, it's the guest list! (Opens book while Mabel and Candy approach.) Whoa, check out this hottie!
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Candy
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Marius von Fundshauser! He's a baron from Austria!
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Mabel
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Forget the quail, I'm putting him in my guest basket!
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Grenda
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Hold up, ladies. I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but I think this boy is out of our league.
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Candy
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Grenda is right. He's a white whale. Hunting him will destroy us.
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Mabel
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There are tons of cute boys coming. Let's swear a sisters' truce not to waste time on Marius. (All place hands together.)
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Candy
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Deal!
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Grenda
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Deal!
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Mabel
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Deal!
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Girls
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(Laugh nervously.)
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Cut to Dipper opening a creaky door.
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Dipper
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Whoa.
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Establishing shots of the room, with dead stuffed animal heads on the walls, paintings, a fireplace, and lots of dark wooden furniture. The whole room is lit by the fireplace and gives it a dark reddish light.
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Pacifica
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This is the main room where it's been happening.
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Dipper
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Yep, this looks like the kind of room that would be haunted, all right. I wouldn't be worried, though. (holds up the journal) Ghosts fall on a ten-category scale. Floating plates sound like a Category 1.
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Pacifica
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So what? Are you gonna bore him back into the afterlife by reading from this book?
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Dipper
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Just gotta splash this sucker with some anointed water (Holds up small, round bottle of water), and he should be out of your probably-fake blonde hair.
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Pacifica
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What was that about my hair?
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Dipper
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(Takes out EMF detector) Shh! I'm picking something up.
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Dipper walks further into the room, stopping before a tall painting of a lumberjack over the fireplace. The device loses its signal for a moment.
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Dipper
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C'mon, stupid thing. (Taps device, and the signal returns) There we go.
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Dipper looks back at the painting, and the lumberjack inside has disappeared.
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Dipper
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Uh, Pacifica?
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Pacifica
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Aah! (Screams as blood dripping from above, gasps, looks up)
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Blood swells from the mouths of the stuffed animal heads on the walls. Dipper and Pacifica shout as the fire bursts out of the fireplace.
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Animal Heads
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ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. (Repetitive chanting)
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Books, furniture, and antique weapons fly around Dipper and Pacifica, and the chandelier above crackles dangerously.
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Pacifica
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Dipper, what is this?!
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Dipper
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It's a Category 10.
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The bottle of anointed water breaks, and Dipper and Pacifica scream.
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Pacifica
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(Screams; grabs Dipper)
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Deer Animal Head
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ANCIENT BLOOD AND BLACKENED SKIES.
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Animal Heads
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THE FOREST DARK SHALL ONCE MORE RISE.
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Pacifica
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(Shakes Dipper by the collar) What do we do, what do we do?!
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Dipper
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Don't worry. It can't get worse than this!
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The fire flames up again, and Dipper and Pacifica hide under a table while a giant black skeleton emerges from the fire. A body forms around the skeleton of an enormous lumberjack with a beard made of fire and an ax in his head.
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Ghost of Northwest Manor
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I smell... A NORTHWEST! (Ax materializes in his hand, begins dragging ax along the floor) Come out, come out, wherever you are!
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Pacifica
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Hurry! Read through your dumb book already!
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Dipper
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(Whispering:) I'm looking! And it's not dumb, okay? This book is gonna save our lives! Alright, here we go. Advice: (Holds portable black light over book, which reads "PRAY FOR MERCY!") Aww, seriously?!
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The table floats out from over them, revealing them to the ghost. They scream.
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Ghost
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YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE COME HERE! (Slices at them with the ax, they dodge)
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Pacifica
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This way! Hurry!
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Dipper and Pacifica flee down the hall, pursued by the ghost. Cut to Preston opening the doors to the guests.
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Preston
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Welcome, dukes and duchesses, sultans, and sportsmen.
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Sportsman
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Yo, what up, Presto?
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Preston
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And, reclusive 102-year-old mayor of Gravity Falls, Mayor Befufflefumpter.
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Mayor
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(Gestures to vultures circling overhead) It's okay, they're with me.
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Preston
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Tonight we will enjoy only the finest of tastes and only the snootiest of laughter.
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Snooty Rich Guy
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(Laughs in a stereotypical French manner)
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Preston
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That's the ticket!
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Cut to Candy at the fondue fountains.
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Candy
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(As she switches fondues) Cheese, chocolate, cheese, chocolate--
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Mabel
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Candy, listen to me carefully. You're caught in a sweet-savory loop. Put the fondue fork down.
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Candy
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I want to, but I can't.
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Glass rings to gather everyone's attention.
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Butler
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Introducing Baron Marius von Fundshauser.
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Marius
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(Enters dramatically) Guten tag!
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Mabel
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Guten take-me-now! (Makes a dash for Marius, is held back by Grenda and Candy)
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Grenda
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Mabel, we had a truce!
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Candy
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Yes yes, a truce! Uh, Grenda? Can you go fetch us some fancy napkins?
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Grenda
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Wow, okay!
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Candy
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Listen, Mabel, I don't know if I can follow this truce! He is too adorable!
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Mabel
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Huh, me too, Candy. But what do we do? He's unattainable!
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Candy
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What if we flirt with him as a team? With our cuteness combined, one of us might have a chance!
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Mabel
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It is the perfect plan, but what about Grenda?
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Candy
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I love Grenda, Mabel. But these boys are fancy! Her aggressive flirting style might scare them away!
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Shot of Grenda pointing at a boy's jacket.
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Grenda
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What's on your shirt? (Smacks boy's nose with finger) Haha, gullible! ...Loser!
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Mabel & Candy
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(Nod grimly to each other)
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Cut to Pacifica leading Dipper down a decorated hallway, pursued by the laughing ghost. Overhead shot of a courtyard.
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Pacifica
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Hurry! Through the garden! Watch out for peacocks!
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Dipper, head in journal, hits a peacock as they go. Dipper and Pacifica muddy their shoes on the garden path as they run.
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Dipper
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Come on, come on-- (Flips through journal desperately) I got it! A haunted painting can only be trapped in a silver mirror. (Points ahead of them) Look! There's a silver mirror right there!
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Dipper and Pacifica run towards a pristine white room, where a large, rectangular mirror hangs on the rear wall. Pacifica grabs his arm, stopping him before he can enter.
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Pacifica
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Wait! Don't go in there! This room has my parents' favorite carpet pattern! They'll lose it if we track mud in there!
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Dipper
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What? Are you serious?! (Tries to force his way into the room, but Pacifica holds him back)
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Pacifica
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We'll find another way!
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Ghost
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(From a distance) Come out! (Laughs)
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Dipper
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Pacifica, we don't have time for this! Let me through!
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Pacifica
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No, my parents will kill me!
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Dipper
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Why are you so afraid of your parents?!
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Pacifica
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You wouldn't understand!
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Pacifica tugs on Dipper's journal, tripping them both and causing them to fall through a painting of a skeleton in a crown and robe into a dark, dusty, cobwebbed room. The ghost flies past in the opposite direction.
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Dipper
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Ahh... What is this place?
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Pacifica
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That's weird. I don't even know where this room is.
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Dipper
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Hopefully the ghost doesn't either.
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Pacifica
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Yeah, maybe we're safe. (A sheet behind her seems to come alive, reaching out to swallow her)
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Dipper
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Pacifica, watch out!
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Pacifica
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Aaaaah!
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Ghost
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YOUR FATE IS SEALED! (Pursues Pacifica, knocking over a box of silver dishes, utensils and other objects)
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Dipper
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A silver mirror!
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Pacifica
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(Runs, tripping over a loose floorboard) Ow!
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Ghost
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PREPARE TO DIE, NORTHWEST! (Raises ax and charges Pacifica)
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Dipper dashes in front of Pacifica, holding the silver mirror. Dipper and Pacifica are knocked out of a first floor window, become entangled in a window drape and fall down a short hill.
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Pacifica
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Did you get him? (They look at the mirror, still held by Dipper)
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Ghost
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(From inside the mirror:) NO! FREE ME! (Pounds on mirror's interior)
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Dipper & Pacifica
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Haha! Yes!
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Pacifica
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We did it! (Hugs Dipper. Eyes widen when she realizes what she's doing, and then she backs off awkwardly. She clears her throat and holds out a dollar, avoiding eye-contact with Dipper) Can I pay you to pretend that never happened?
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Cut to Northwest Manor garden, where Preston and Priscilla Northwest are meeting Dipper, while Pacifica and a waiter stand nearby.
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Preston
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Well, Pacifica, you really found the right man for the job. (Snaps fingers, butler shakes Dipper's hand)
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Priscilla
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We can't thank you enough. (Pauses) That's enough. (Butler stops shaking Dipper's hand)
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Dipper
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Hey, just holding up my end of the deal. (Turns to leave)
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Pacifica
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Wait, leaving already? You're at the world's best party, dummy.
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Dipper
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Heh, I'd love to stay, but I've got a Category 10 ghost to dispose of. (Walks into a garden pillar) Aah! Heh heh... Category 10. (Both laugh as Dipper leaves)
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Cut to outer garden as Dipper walks away.
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Dipper
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(To self:) Call me crazy, but, maybe she's not that bad after all.
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Ghost
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(Laughs from mirror)
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Dipper
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What are you laughing about, man? I defeated you.
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Ghost
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You've been had, boy. You remind me of me a hundred and fifty years ago.
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Dipper
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What do you mean?
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Ghost
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(Flashback montage; Voiceover:) One hundred and fifty years ago this day, the Northwests asked us lumber-folk to build them a mansion atop the hill. We were told t'would be a service to the town, that once a year they would throw a grand party, and all would share in the bounty. It took years of backbreaking labor and sacrifice, but when it was time for the grand party they promised the common folk of the town, they refused to let us in.
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Flashback Lumberjack
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(As he pounds on mansion gate) YOU PROMISED, NORTHWEST!
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Ghost
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(Voiceover:) With the trees gone, the mudslides began. While they partied and laughed, I was swept away by the storm! (Offscreen, a swept-up ax embeds itself in the lumberjack's head as he screams) And so I said with final breath, "One-fifty years I'll return from death, and if the gate's still closed to town, wealthy blood will stain the ground!" A curse passed down until this day. (Shot of Northwest ancestor writing down the curse and holding it in hand, then transitions to Preston, curse warning in hand, nodding to Pacifica)
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Dipper
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So, wait a minute. The Northwests knew this haunting was coming, and they tricked me into helping them to avoid ghostly justice? ... I'll be right back.
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Cut to manor interior.
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Preston
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Thank you so much for coming, Mayor. As a sign of our respect, please take this chimp servant. Keep him away from bright lights, he gets... grabby.
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Dipper
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(Offscreen) Northwests! (Mansion main door opens, revealing Dipper pointing at Preston accusingly) You've got some explaining to do!
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Pacifica
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(Dashes in from another room) Dipper, you came back!
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Dipper
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(Points at Pacifica angrily) You lied to me! All of you did! All you had to do was let the townsfolk into the party and you could've broken the curse! But you made me do your dirty work instead!
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Preston
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(Leans down threateningly; Dipper glares at him, unfazed) Look at who you're talking to, boy. I'm hosting a party for the most powerful people in the world. You think they'd come here if they had to rub elbows with your kind?
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Dipper
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(Outraged) "My kind?" (Looks at Pacifica) I was right about you all along. You're just as bad as your parents. Another link in the world's worst chain!
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Pacifica
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I'm sorry, they made me! I should've told you, but-- (Preston rings the bell. Blushing, Pacifica steps back)
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Preston
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Enjoy the party! It's the last time you and your kind will ever come. (Dipper glares and marches away, chimp servant offers him a tray) No no! Those aren't for him.
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Cut to mansion exterior, where Dipper is about to exorcise the ghost.
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Dipper
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Stupid Northwests, making me do their exorcism for them. "Exodus demonus, spookus scarus, aintafraidus noghostus--"
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Ghost
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(From mirror:) Dipper, Dipper! Please let me get my vengeance on the Northwests! You hate them as much as I.
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Dipper
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Hey, I feel you. It's just, my sister's in there, and you seem a little unstable, man.
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Ghost
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Very well, boy. Then... before you banish my soul, may these tired lumber eyes gaze upon the trees one final time?
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Dipper
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Uh... I guess. (Holds mirror up to the forest) Go nuts, man.
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The ghost cackles madly and the mirror becomes red-hot. Dipper drops it as it burns his hand, and it shatters on the ground, releasing the ghost back to the mansion.
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Dipper
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Aah!
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Ghost
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Yes! VENGEANCE!
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Dipper
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Oh no! Mabel!
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Cut to manor interior, main ballroom.
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Mabel
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(To Marius:) Hi! I'm Mabel. So, Australia, huh? Do you guys eat kangaroo meat over there, or... are they... strictly pets?
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Marius
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I am from Austria.
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Mabel
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(Laughs nervously; taps Candy's shoulder) Tag! Tag!
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Candy
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I am Candy! I love the tiny hats you wear on your shoulders.
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Mabel
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Hi! If you were a boat, do you know what kind you'd be? A dream boat. That's what kind.
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Candy
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(Elbows Mabel) You are tagged out!
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Mabel
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I tagged back in!
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Candy
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You can't do that!
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Mabel
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I can tag myself! It's allowed!
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Candy
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No, no! (Unintelligible arguing)
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Marius nervously walks away as the two girls continue to argue.
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Grenda
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AHEM! What exactly was all that? You were flirting with Marius without me!
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Candy
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We are sorry, Grenda, it's just...
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Mabel
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Your flirting style can come off as a bit... intense...
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Grenda
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(Blushing) Oh, I see! You think I shouldn't be myself just because I'm in this stupid mansion! I thought you liked my style!
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Candy
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We do! But these boys might not!
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Grenda
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Oh, then I guess they wouldn't like this, either! Hey, Marius!
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Marius
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Ja?
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Grenda
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You've got something... on your shirt!
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Marius looks down at his shirt, and Grenda smacks his nose. Marius shouts, Mabel and Candy gasp angrily. All three girls walk away in different directions. Marius glances after Grenda, starry-eyed.
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Cut to Preston, ringing a glass.
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Preston
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Thank you all for coming! I think we can all say this party was a rousing success.
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Sportsman
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I guess you could say it was a slam dunk, Presto.
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Preston
|
(Unenthusiastic:) Yes, yes, I guess, sure. (Happily:) A toast! To our family name-- (Glasses shatter, sound of laughter) What?!
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Ghost
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(Emerges from fireplace) GENERATIONS LOCKED AWAY, MY REVENGE SHALL HAVE ITS DAY! (Glowing beam extends from arm)
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Mayor
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Ah, the grim reaper! I'd been wondering when you would arri-- Aaah! (Beam hits mayor, turns mayor and wheelchair to wood. He falls over)
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Guests begin running and screaming in every direction. The ghost fires the beam at everyone he can see. Dead taxidermy animals come alive and advance on the guests.
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Priscilla
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Preston, what are we going to do?
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Preston
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Prepare the panic room. (Punches stuffed squirrel off of his shoulder)
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The front doors fly open with a flash of lightning and thunder, revealing Dipper, soaking from the rain, agape in shock at what he sees. One of the guests reaches out towards him.
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Terrified Guest
|
Please, help me! (Freezes, wooden)
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Dipper
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(Jumps back) Whoa, that is messed up!
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Ghost
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(Laughs) JUST ONE WAY TO CHANGE YOUR FATES: A NORTHWEST MUST OPEN THE PARTY GATES!
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Dipper
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A Northwest? Pacifica! (sees a flickering light)
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Cut to hallway with secret room. Inside, Pacifica is sitting on the floor miserably flickering a flashlight on and off.
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Dipper
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(Running to Pacifica) Pacifica! There you are! The ghost is turning everyone to wood, and he just started rhyming, for some reason? (Tugs Pacifica's hand) I need your help! (Pacifica pulls her hand away) Pacifica?
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Pacifica
|
(Despondent) You wanna know why this room was locked up? This is what I found in here. A painted record of every horrible thing that my family's ever done. Lying, cheating, and then there's me. I lied to you just because I'm too scared to talk back to my stupid parents! (Takes off diamond earrings and throws them at a painting of Preston and Priscilla) You were right about me. I am just another link in the world's worst chain.
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Dipper
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(Sighs) Pacifica, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. But just because you're your parents' daughter doesn't mean you have to be like them. It's not too late.
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Ghost
|
(Offscreen) IT'S TOO LATE!
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Dipper
|
Oh no! (They run into the main hall)
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Ghost
|
You are all wood!
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Dipper & Pacifica
|
(Scream)
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Shot of Candy, Mabel, and Grenda as angry, arguing, wooden statues. Dipper looks determined and starts to run towards the ghost.
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Pacifica
|
Dipper, wait!
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Dipper
|
(Picks up a silver platter) Alright ghost, prepare to get-- (Energy beam knocks the journal out of Dipper's hand, and he drops the platter) ah! No, wait! (Ghost fires a burst that hits Dipper) No no no! No, someone help! SOMEONE HEEEELLLLP...! (Dipper freezes in a familiar form)
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Pacifica gasps. A grandfather clock strikes midnight.
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Ghost
|
A forest of death, a lesson learned. And now the Northwest Manor will BURN! (Laughs as the manor sets fire, starting with a portrait of Preston, Priscilla, and a young Pacifica)
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Pacifica
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Hey, ugly! Over here! You want me to let in the townsfolk? 'Cause I'll do it! Just change everyone back!
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Ghost
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YOU WISH TO PROVE YOURSELF? PULL THAT LEVER AND OPEN THE GRAND GATE TO THE TOWN! FULFILL YOUR ANCESTORS' PROMISE!
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Preston
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(Coming out of an underground hatch with Priscilla Northwest and a butler) Pacifica Elise Northwest, stop this instant! We can't let the town see us like this! We have a reputation to uphold! Now come into the panic room. There's enough mini-sandwiches and oxygen to last you, me, and a butler a full week. (Whispers:) We'll eat the butler!
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Pacifica looks at Dipper's wooden statue, and reaches for the lever.
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Preston
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You dare disobey us?!
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(Preston rings his bell; Pacifica nervously reaches for the lever as he continues to ring it, straining and groaning before finally fixing her face angrily and determinedly.)
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Preston
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Dingally dingally! Is this bell broken?!
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Pacifica
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(Stomps foot.) Our family name is broken! And I'm gonna fix it! (Pulls the lever.)
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Ghost
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(Gasps.)
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Outside, the main gate swings open, admitting the surprised citizens of Gravity Falls.
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Tyler
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Git it! Git it!
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Everybody cheers as they make their way to the manor.
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Ghost
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YES, YES, IT'S HAPPENING! MY HEART, ONCE AS HARD AS OAK, now grows soft like more of a... birch, or something.
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The guests and manor itself fade back from the wooden forms.
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Dipper
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(Inhales sharply)
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Ghost
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Pacifica, you are not like the other Northwests. I feel... lumber justice. (Fades to nothing, the ax in his head falling to the floor and sinking into the ground)
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There is a rumbling noise, and the doors of the manor burst open as the people of Gravity Falls enter the party.
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Manly Dan
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Aw, yes! Yeah! (Jumps into cider fountain)
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Preston
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Good lord, the riffraff! They're everywhere! (Tyler giggles, picking up a fork and placing it down again) That's not how the fork should be placed!
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Mabel
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Oh, man, what happened?
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Grenda
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Ahem!
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Candy
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Grenda! We are so sorry.
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Mabel
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We shouldn't have left you behind.
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Grenda
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It's okay. Maybe I do need to work on my flirting. Come on, let's go dunk our heads in some cheese and chocolate. Friends?
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Mabel & Candy
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Friends! (Group hug.)
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Marius
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Wait! Don't go! Grenda, was it? I must speak with you. There is something about you, I can't get you out of my head. You're so bold and confident. I know you are probably out of my league, but, might I give you mein phone number?
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Grenda
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I don't have a phone! Write it on my face!
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Mabel
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Whoa-ho-ho! Go Grenda!
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Candy
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I guess we shouldn't have sold her short. I call bridesmaid!
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Mabel
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What? I call co-bridesmaid!
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Dipper
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Man, if your family hates you for this, they're idiots. This is great.
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Pacifica
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Enjoy it while it lasts. Next year I'm sure they're just gonna lock everyone out again.
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Dipper
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Hey. Guess what we're standing on.
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Pacifica gasps, seeing her parents' favorite white carpet pattern. Then she laughs, and she and Dipper have some fun knocking things onto the carpet.
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Pacifica
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Haha. But seriously, I'd better go and find someone to clean this up. (Walks away.)
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McGucket
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Woo! Scobbity-doo! Hornswaggle m' goat knees!
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Dipper
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Whoa-ho-ho, what's up, McGucket? Hey-- (McGucket grabs Dipper by the shoulders and they dash around a corner to speak in private.)
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McGucket
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Dipper! I've been lookin' for ya. I fixed the laptop. I been doin' calculations, and I think something terrible is comin'! The apocalypse! The End Times!
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Dipper
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(Pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing.) You know what, McGucket? How about we talk about this stuff tomorrow? It's a party. Let's have some fun for once, huh? (Walks off, smiling)
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McGucket
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But--!
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McGucket plucks the laptop from his beard and opens it. The screen reads "IMMINENT THREAT" with what appears to be a countdown, showing less than twenty-four hours until the portal activates.
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McGucket
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Oh, this is bad! Something's coming! Something big!
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The camera pans to just above McGucket, where a tapestry depicts a triangle eye which looks similar to Bill Cipher in the sky above a burning landscape and cowering figures. Below the worshippers are skulls and bones lying on the ground.
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Cut to credits. In a coat closet within the manor.
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Agent Powers
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(Disguised; in a fake accent:) Quick, in here, my darling! (Pulls disguised Agent Trigger into the room after him.)
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Agent Trrigger
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(High pitched voice:) A moment alone at last!
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Powers
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You can drop the act, Trigger. (Both remove disguises.) They're seeing activity on the machine. It's go time.
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Trigger
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Roger that. (Salutes.)
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Powers
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Where's my phone?
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Trigger
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I don't have it.
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Powers
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Yes you do, it was in your purse.
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Trigger
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Oh, so I'm just supposed to hold on to everything for you?
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Powers
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I asked you when we were in the car!
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Trigger
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Why do we always have to fight at parties?!
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Tambry
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(Opens door; pauses) Not even gonna ask. (Shuts door)
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Cut to end card, a cryptogram showing a totem-looking wooden carving.
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End episode.
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