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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Society of the Blind Eye." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Little Gift Shop of Horrors" Next: "Blendin's Game"
Open to a shot of Greasy's Diner. Lazy Susan is locking up the diner for the night.
Lazy Susan (hums while sweeping a broom across the floor) Ta dum, locking up. (peers at possums scurrying around in the dishes, pokes the possums with her broom) Shoo, possums, shoo! (She walks near a table) Git, McGucket, git! (pokes him with a broom, making him run out from underneath the table on all fours, panting, and mumbling incoherently.) Ta dum, ta dum... (locks the door) Good night, diner. Good night, trees. (She passes by the gnomes standing on top of each other, attempting to steal a pie.) Good night, tiny men stealing my pie. Wait, WHAT?! (Lifts her eyelid)
Jeff Lift with your knees. No, your knees. If I go one more hour without eating, I'm gonna resort to cannibalism. (notices Lazy Susan, and tips his hat.) Ma'am.
Lazy Susan (Shrieks) Little magic men! What does it mean? What do I do? (bumps into a payphone and dials 911) Yes, hi. I's like to report something. I'm at Greasy's Diner. You won't believe what I've witnessed. (Cut to two figures sneaking up behind her, from a patch of nearby bushes) It's unbelievable! It's indescribable! It's- AAAAAAAH!! (The figures sneak up behind her and kidnap her, dragging her away.)
Blind Ivan It is unseen. (The Blind Eye symbol is graffited on the wall)
Jeff Welp, back to pie. (The gnomes grab the pie and run off. A gnome accidentally drops a slice.) I was this close to eating you, Steve.
Cut to theme song. Cut to Dipper and Mabel's bedroom. Dipper is examining a poster board on his wall entitled "Who is The Author?
Dipper Pines Alright author, who are you? Who are you?... (chews on a pen, which accidentally breaks) Blech! Not again. (tosses it into a bin full of pens.)
Mabel Pines (runs in with a bottle) Hey, bro-bro. Look what I got!
Dipper (sarcastically) Yay, a filthy green bottle!
Mabel It's a bottle message from Mermando, remember? He was part fish, part shirtless guy. (gasps) What if he wants to get back together?
Dipper I wouldn't get your hopes up, Mabel.
Mabel Too late! Hopes are way way up! (squeals excitedly, opens bottle cap and reads letter) "Dear Mabel..." So far so good! "It is with a heavy heart..." So far so good! "...that I must inform you, I'm getting married"?!
Dipper And there it is.
Mabel (reading) "In order to prevent an undersea civil war... arranged wedding... Queen of the Manatees?!" (looking at picture) And she's so beautiful! (sighs) This can't be happening!
Dipper Oh, Mabel. You'll get over him eventually.
Mabel You don't understand, Dipper. (Pulls out her scrapbook.) On my first day here, I made this page for summer romances. Look at my luck. (Points to picture of Norman) Turned out to be gnomes, (Points to picture of Gideon) child psycho, (Points to a picture of Gabe Bensen) made out with his own hands. And now... (writes "FAILED" at the top of the page) I wish I could just forget about them forever.
Dipper Hey, if it's any consolation, my summer mission isn't a huge success either. I'm still trying to find the author of this journal, but with this laptop smashed, I've lost any lead in finding him.
Mabel (Looks at the laptop) Wait a minute. Dipper, look!
Dipper Through your bottle?
Mabel Just do it.
Dipper (Peers through the bottle, and notices a logo entitled "McGucket Labs" magnified on the back of the laptop) "McGucket Labs." Wait, Old Man McGucket?
Mabel You don't think?...
Dipper Couldn't be... Doesn't make any sense, unless... (He starts connecting pictures and tying strings to the author) This matches with this... This goes over here... And then the name... So that would mean... Old Man McGucket wrote the journals?!
Cut to Mystery Shack Gift Shop.
Boombox Am I blanchin',

Girl we blanchin',

I live up in a mansion

Am I blanchin',

Girl we blanchin

I live up in a mansion

Soos Ramirez (sings along, while sweeping broom across floor)

Am I blanchin',

Girl we blanchin',

I live up in a mansion

Wendy Corduroy Ugh! I can't get that terrible song out of my head.
Soos Oh, you mean "Straight Blanchin'" by 'Lil Big Dawg? It's the catchiest song of the summer.
Wendy What is "blanchin"? Rappers can't just make up words!
Soos Rappers are visionaries, Wendy. If they told me to eat my own pants, I would do it.
Boombox Eat your own pants. Eat your own pants, yeah!
Soos I guess I have no choice. (unzips pants, and hums) Doot, do-do!
Dipper and Mabel (run inside)
Dipper Wendy, Soos, we need to go see Old Man McGucket!
Mabel We'll explain on the way! (everyone runs outside)
Stan Pines Hey, what about work? Kids! (pauses) Why is Soos eating his own pants?
Cut to the junkyard. The group is searching for McGucket.
Dipper Old Man McGucket, are you here?
Soos Here hillbilly-billy-billy-billy.
Nate (standing in front of graffiti that says "McSuckIt", laughing) That's good.
Lee Took an hour to think of this, but it was worth it. Ha! (They run away)
Old Man McGucket Get outta here, you salt lickin', hornswagglin!... McSuckit, they got me good. (Sees the group.) Visitors! Come, come. (He leads them inside.) Pull up some rusty metal. You're just in time for my hourly turf war with the hillbilly what lives in my mirror. (He yells at his reflection in a bathtub.) Quit starin' at me when I bathe!
Dipper You can drop the act, McGucket. I know you're the author. You studied the mysteries of this town and wrote this book. (holds up Journal 3)
Wendy Dude, you're the genius Dipper's been searching for all summer!
McGucket Uh, genius? I'm no genius. I've never done nothin' worthwhile in my life. Everyone knows I'm no good to nobody. I can't remember what I used to be, but I must've been a big failure to end up like this.
Soos But the laptop has your name on it.
Dipper What about this book? Are you sure you didn't write it? Here, look closely. (He flips through the journal.)
McGucket I told you, I don't recall. Everything before 1982 is just a blur. Just a hazy... (The journal flips forward to an image of the Blind Eye, the symbol of the society appear in his irises. He shrieks) The Blind Eye! Robes, the men, my mind! They did something!
Dipper Who did?
McGucket I... oh, I don't recall.
Mabel Oh, you poor old man! No wonder your mind's all.. (blows raspberry) You've been through something intense.
Dipper What if McGucket learned something he wasn't supposed to know, and someone, or something, messed with his mind? We've got to get to the bottom of this.
Wendy Think, dude. What is the earliest thing you can remember?
McGucket Uh, this is, I think. (He pulls down a newspaper article.)
Wendy The history museum!
Dipper That's where we're going.
Cut to the group in a car. "Straight Blanchin" is playing.
Wendy Ugh, Soos! (Takes out the CD and tosses it out of the car window, pauses) I'll buy you a new one.
Cut to the History Museum. Everyone enters through the windows.
Soos Hello? Anyone here?
Dipper All right, keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious.
Mabel (sighs)
Wendy Mabel, are you okay? You just walked by a cat without petting it.
Mabel Oh Wendy, everything I look at reminds me of failed romances. That formaldehyde heart. That romantic diorama. Even this poster of my most recent ex-crush. (She pulls down a poster of Gabe, revealing a poster of Sev'ral Timez.) Aw, come on!
Dipper (To McGucket:) So your last memory was here. Anything coming back?
Soos Guys, look! (Down the hall, a shadowy figure runs away.)
Dipper Hey, who's there? (They run into a room filled with depictions of eyes.)
McGucket Well kettle my corn. He vanish-ified.
Dipper It doesn't make sense. Where did he go?
McGucket I feel like all these eyeballs are a-watchin' me.
Dipper Wait... they are! Move aside.
McGucket (Moves aside, revealing a central eye)
Dipper (Pushes it and a staircase forms behind the fireplace) A secret passageway.
McGucket We'll have to be stealthy. I'll hambone a message if there's trouble. (Slaps his arms and legs. Translation:) Coyotes are coming for our sweetbreads.
Dipper I have no idea what that means.
Everyone (Goes down the staircase)
Society of the Blind Eye (chanting:) "Novus ordo seclorum"
Blind Ivan Who is the subject of our meeting?
Society member (Lazy Susan is pulled out, blindfolded.) This woman.
Mabel Lazy Susan?
Blind Ivan What is it you have seen?
All members Speak!
Lazy Susan Uh, well, uh, I was leaving the diner, and I saw these little bearded doodads, and I was, like, "Bwaaa?"
Blind Ivan There, there. (Pulls ray gun out of the box. The members pull down their hoods.) You won't be like "Bwaaa?" for much longer.
Lazy Susan What is that gizmo? It looks like a hair dryer. Are you guys barbers? (The Lead Member zaps her with the gun.) AAAAAH!
Blind Ivan Lazy Susan, what do you know of little bearded men?
Lazy Susan My mind is cleared, thanks to the Society of the Blind Eye.
Society It is unseen!
Dipper Oh my gosh. They erased Lazy Susan's memory.
McGucket (hamboning:) Oh, *&#*%!
Dipper Guys, are you seeing this? They just wiped Lazy Susan's memory!
Soos They should've wiped off that awful mascara.
Mabel I think she looks beautiful!
Wendy She's doing the best she can, Soos!
Soos Whoa, touched a nerve there.
Blind Ivan Lazy Susan, how do you feel?
Lazy Susan (Being led away) I feel great! I can't even remember what was wrong, or what I'm doing here, or if I'm a man or a woman!
Blind Ivan Your memories will be safe with us, buried in the Hall of the Forgotten. (Removes a tube from the memory erasing gun, and writes on it:) (Lazy) Susan Wentworth
Society (chanting:) Into the Hall of the Forgotten. Into the Hall of the Forgotten. (talking and dispersing) Good chanting, boys. Have you been practicing?
Blind Ivan Meeting adjourned.
Society member 1 Unsee you later.
Society member 2 Unsee you later!
Dipper Amazing. A secret society of evil mind erasers. I'll bet they erased your memory a long time ago. If we could find where your memories have been hidden, it could be the key to unlocking all the mysteries of Gravity Falls. All right, Mabel, Wendy, you two stay here and make sure those robe guys don't come back.
Wendy Whoo! Girl's club.
Dipper Soos, you, me, and McGucket are gonna go find the Hall of the Forgotten.
Soos' hat is sucked into pipe
Dipper Follow that hat!
Society member Halt! Is someone there?
McGucket Aah! What do we do? Where do we go?
Cut to them disguised as a diorama.
Society member Man, these are really poorly made. I could've sworn I heard someone.
Society member 2 Probably just the janitor kissing that wax settler woman again.
Society member Whoof! Remind me to erase that from my memory. (They leave)
Dipper Whew! (Sees the hat) There it is. Hurry!
McGucket Honey fogelin', saltlickin' skullduggery.
Soos Man, you have got to teach me some of those old-man swear words.
Cut to Mabel and Wendy in the main chamber
Mabel (sighs) I just don't get it, Wendy. I hug a lot, I can burp the alphabet, I have scratch and sniff clothing. Why does every boy leave me?
Wendy Pfft, who cares? Boys are the worst. You shouldn't get hung up, man.
Mabel Maybe I come on too strong, you know?
Wendy Well, what's your opener? Pretend I'm a boy. (She puts up her hair, giving herself a mustache.) Mmm, testosterone. (spits)
Mabel (loudly) HI! I'M MABEL! I'M TWELVE AND I OWN A PIG! WANT TO GET MARRIED?!
Wendy (laughs) Honestly, that was perfect. You should just forget about guys, man.
Mabel Wendy, that's it. Forget about guys! (She picks up the memory gun) I just need to type "summer romances" into this thing, and I won't feel bad about them anymore.
Wendy Whoa, hold up, Mabel. We don't even know what that thing does. You could accidentally erase, like, learning to read, or breathe, or...
Mabel Or one of those terrible summer songs you can't get out of your head?
Cut to the boys in the Hall of the Forgotten. Memory tubes are stacked to the ceiling.
Soos Whoa, look at all these tubes.
Soos People must've been getting their memories erased all over town.
Dipper Whoa, look at this. (Inserts a tube titled "Robbie V. Memories" into a viewing machine)
Blind Ivan (off screen) Yes, Robbie, what is it that you have seen?
Robbie Valentino (on screen) So I was attacked by this magic kung fu guy that was throwing, like, balls of fire at me. I kicked his butt though.
Blind Ivan Robbie, speak honestly.
Robbie I was saved by a 12-year-old.
Dipper Why are they erasing peoples' memories? I still don't get it.
McGucket Looky, fellers. (He points to a tube labelled "McGucket Memories") It's those words what people call me.
Soos Oh, dude, your memories. We did it!
McGucket Grabby, grabby. (He takes the tube, which sets off an alarm.) I got it!
Cut back to Wendy and Mabel
Wendy I don't know, Mabel. Are you really sure this is a good idea?
Mabel All ideas are good ideas! (Alarm goes off.)
Wendy Do you hear that?
Cut to the males
McGucket The alarm in my brain is a-ringin' again. Ah!
Society member Halt! Who's there?
Dipper Oh no!
Soos Run!
Society member Get back here! (Chases Dipper and Soos. McGucket hides.)
McGucket Oh, you've really tarred it up now, Fiddleford. This is all your fault. (Pause) Why does my beard have a bandage? Does that even make sense? Why has no one pointed that out?
Dipper Okay, I think we're safe. (Hands reach out from the shadows and cover Dipper and Soos's eyes.)
Soos We playing "Guess Who"? Dude, I know it's you, Dipper. Such big... strong hands.... (Everyone, including Mabel and Wendy, is tied to a pole)
Blind Ivan You shouldn't have come here. We do not give up our secrets lightly.
Wendy Who are you bathrobe-wearing freaks?
Dipper Why are you doing this?
Mabel What's with your creepy British accent?
Blind Ivan Well, I suppose we are going to erase your minds anyway. (One by one, the Society members unmask)
Mabel Toby Determined?
Dipper Bud Gleeful?
Wendy That farmer guy?
Soos Creepy dude who married a woodpecker? You too? How's that marriage goin, by the way?
Woodpecker guy Oh, great, great. (whispering:) Not great.
Blind Ivan And you've never met me before. And if you had, you wouldn't remember. (He removes his hood, revealing a bald tattooed head and a red scar through one eye) I am Blind Ivan, and we are the Society of the Blind Eye. Formed many years ago by our founder... our founder... Does anyone remember who he was?
Bud Gleeful We've been usin' that ray on our own brains an awful lot.
Dipper Why would you do all this? What do you have to gain?
Blind Ivan As you have no doubt discovered, Gravity Falls is a town plagued with supernatural strangeness. No one knew how to stop the things that went bump in the night, so our founder invented the next best thing: a way for us to forget. We took it upon ourselves to help the troubled townsfolk by erasing the memories of the strange things they've seen. Now the people of Gravity Falls go about their lives ignorant and happy, thanks to us. And as a perk, we help ourselves forget things that trouble us. Everyone has something they'd rather forget. In fact, your own sister was about to use that ray on herself. Isn't that right?
Dipper Mabel? Seriously?
Mabel Ha ha, maybe...
Dipper Don't you see? This is ruining lives! What about Old Man McGucket? He lives in a hut and talks to animals, thanks to you. Don't you feel bad about that?
Blind Ivan Mmm, maybe a little. (Shoots himself with the ray) But not anymore. You won't be telling anyone else what you've learned here. Say good-bye to your summer. (He aims the ray gun at them)
Soos Guys, if we're gonna forget everything, I got some stuff I wanna get off my chest. Mabel, for half the summer, I thought your name was Maple, like the syrup. No one corrected me!
Mabel I only love some of my stuffed animals, and the guilt is killing me!
Dipper Sometimes I use big words, and I don't actually know what they mean. I mean, I'm supposed to be the smart guy. If I'm not the smart guy, who am I?
Wendy Okay, I'm not actually laid back. I'm stressed, like, 24/7. Have you met my family?
Blind Ivan Oh, stop being a bunch of babies. (McGucket jumps down and knocks away the gun.) Owie!
All McGucket?!
McGucket I raided the mining display for weapons. Now fight like a hillbilly, fellers!
Everyone grabs a weapon: banjos, stuffed raccoons etc. Soos grabs an informational display about dysentery.
Soos Oh, nobody better miss!
Blind Ivan They know too much. Don't let them escape!
Wendy (attacking a society member) Get this song outta your head!
Soos Dysentery's gonna get you, dawg!
Dipper McGucket's memory tube.
Tats Oh no you don't!
Dipper (puts the memory tube into a transport tube. It zooms around the room.) Mabel, catch!
Sprott I'll take that, thank you. Give it up, boy. You're no match for the unstoppable power of- (His rob is caught in the tube and rips off, leaving him in his underwear.) That's right, I don't wear nothin' under my robe. Not gonna apologize for that. Maybe y'all should apologize for bein' a bunch of prudes.
All Eew!
Soos Well, time to erase that forever. (He holds up the gun, but Blind Ivan snatches it.)
Blind Ivan Give me that tube.
Dipper Never! That memory belongs to McGucket.
Blind Ivan The Society's secrets belong to us. (He has the group in a corner and points the ray at them.) End of the line. By tomorrow, this will all seem like a bad dream. Say goodbye to your precious memories. (He fires the gun)
Dipper NO!! (He shields his eyes, but finds McGucket has jumped in front of the group, catching the ray.) McGucket, you took a bullet for me. (As McGucket gets shot with the ray again.) Oh my gosh! Are you okay!
McGucket Okay as I'll ever be! (laughs)
Dipper What?
Blind Ivan (He keeps shooting at McGucket, who slowly walks toward him.) Why... isn't... this... working?
McGucket Hit me with your best shot, Baldy. But my mind's been gone for thirty-odd years. You can't break what's already broken!

McGucket

Say goodnight, Sally! (He headbutts Blind Ivan. The Society members are tied up)
Blind Ivan Unhand us!
Mabel It isn't so fun being tied up, is it? Hey, wanna draw on their faces?
Blind Ivan What?
Mabel Tra-la-la... (She crosses out Ivan's "knowledge" tattoo and replaces it with "butts".)
Blind Ivan Hey, stop that! That's not funny.
Dipper It's pretty funny.
Soos It's, like, objectively funny.
Blind Ivan We'll have our revenge. We'll never forget what you've done.
Dipper Oh, I think you just might. (He holds up the ray gun.) Say cheese.
Cut to the outside of the Museum. The Society members, in normal clothes, are walking out.)
Dipper Thanks for visiting the Museum for Gold Miner Appreciation Night. Be sure to tip the gold miner on your way out.
Blind Ivan I'm sorry, but what's my name? Where am I?
Dipper Oh, might have overdone that one.
Mabel Your name is Toot-toot McBumbersnazzle. You're a traveling banjo minstrel, with a song in your heart, and funny tattoos on your head.
Blind Ivan Yes, I am Toot-toot McBumbersnazzle. Cheers! (walks away, singing) "Toot-toot is my name..."
Dipper All right, McGucket, are you ready to see your memories? Find out who you really are?
McGucket I'm not so sure. What if I don't like what I see?
Mabel We've come all this way. Go on.
McGucket puts the tube into the machine. An image pops up on the screen of McGucket, 30 years younger.)
McGucket (On tape) My name is Fiddleford Hadron McGucket, and I wish to unsee what I have seen.
All (gasp)
McGucket Sweet sarsaparilla.
Younger McGucket For the past year, I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher. He has been cataloging his findings about Gravity Falls in a series of journals. I helped him build a machine which he believed had the potential to benefit all mankind, but something went wrong. I decided to quit the project. But I lie awake at night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done. I believe I have invented a machine that can permanently erase these memories from my mind. (He holds up the memory erasing ray.) Test subject One: Fiddleford. (He shoots it. The screen goes to static and comes back on) It worked! I can't recall a thing. (Static) I call it the Society of the Blind Eye. We will help those who want to forget by erasing their bad memories! (Static, McGucket is more disheveled and nervous.) Today, I came across a colony of little men, very disturbing. I would like to forget seeing this. (Static. McGucket's lab is a mess and his arm is in a cast.) I accidentally hit another car in town today. I feel terri-bibble! Terrible. I've been forgetting words lately. I wonder if there are any negative side effects... (static. McGucket has a beard and is filming from a motel.) I saw something in the lake, something big! (static) My hair's been a-fallin' out, so I got this hat from a scarecrow. Hey, are my pants on backwards? (static. McGucket is wild-eyed and filming from the junkyard. Maniacal giggling and speaking gibberish:) Yroo Xrksvi! Girzmtov! (which is Abtash for:) Bill Cipher! Triangle! (The tape ends.)
Mabel Oh, McGucket, I'm so sorry.
McGucket Aw, hush. You kids helped me get my memories back, just like you said.
Mabel But did you want those memories back?
McGucket After all these years, I finally know who I am. Maybe I messed up in the past, but now that I seen what happened, I can begin to put myself together again. (Hamboning:) Thanks for opening my eyes.
Dipper Still don't know what that means. So, wait. You weren't the author, but you worked with him. Do you remember who he was?
McGucket It's beginning to come back, but I need more time. And reading glasses. Heck! (spits) I got some rememberin' to do.
Wendy So Mabel, you still wanna erase those failed summer romances?
Mabel You know, no one likes having bad memories, but maybe it's better to remember the bad things and learn from them than to go all denial crazy trying to forget.
Wendy That's some mature junk right there, Mabel.
Mabel Yep. Miss Mature. That's me. Hey, you wanna help me vandalize this picture of my jerky ex-crush? (They all doodle on a picture of Gabe.)
Wendy (They get into the car.) Hey, you know what? Going on this big adventure actually made me get that stupid song out of my head.
Soos Nice. (Starts the car. "Straight Blanchin" plays.)
Wendy Oh, come on!
Credits
McGucket (sitting in the back of the car with Dipper. Flipping through the journal.) It's all so familiar. It's almost like I can remember...
Cut to Stan in his lab, working on the universe portal
Stan (Pouring fuel) All right, you're getting closer. Every day it's getting stronger. (A gust of wind grabs his notebook and mug and sucks them into the portal.) Haha, yes! (A flying pipe hits his hand.) Ah! (Bandaging the bloody wound) I don't care if it's dangerous. I don't care how long it takes. I'm gonna pull this off, and no one's gonna get in my way! (Focus on a picture of Dipper and Mabel)

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