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The Deep End/Transcript

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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Deep End." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "Bottomless Pit!" Next: "Carpet Diem"
The episode opens the sky, where the sun is shining. Then pans down to a view of the outside of the Mystery Shack.
Toby Determined (On the radio) Watch out, Gravity Falls, because at a 110 degrees, we're looking at the hottest day of the summer!
(A squirrel runs into frame and erupts in flames. Cut to inside the Mystery Shack. Wax Stan melts, the wallpaper curls and peels off by itself, and water in the fish tank boils due to the heat. Cuts to Mabel, Dipper, Stan , and Soos in the living room, not quite enjoying the heat.)
Dipper All in favor of doing nothing all day say "ugh."
Mabel, Dipper, Stan, and Soos Ugh.
Waddles walks up to Stan.
Stan I'm gonna throw this pig out of the house!
(Waddles oinks and licks Stan)
Stan You called my bluff, pig.
Toby Determined (On the radio) On the bright side, pun very much intended, it's opening week at the Gravity Falls Pool.
Mabel Gravity Falls Pool?
Dipper Today?
Soos Pun intended?
Stan Quick! To the car!
(Stan tries to get up, but is stuck to the floor)
Stan Hey, kids, a little help here?
(Mabel and Dipper pull out spatulas and attempt to release Stan from the floor. Soos shudders)
Stan Alright! Off to the pool!
(Stan turns around, and reveals that the twins removed the wood from the floor when breaking him free. Then he goes off screen.)
Toby Determined (On the radio) And remember to be on alert for random wildfires!
Stan (Off screen) Wait, what? (He is heard catching on fire) Aaaah!
Mabel He'll be fine.
(Cuts to theme song)
Mabel Ah, the pool! A sparkling oasis of summer enchantment!
Stan Yeah, nothing like sitting in a moist tub with strangers. It's like the bus, but wet.
Dipper (Looking at the towel Soos is holding) Why would a sun need to wear sunglasses?
Soos It's best not to think about it.
Mabel Whoa, whoa! Stop the presses! Who's that?
(Mabel looks at a handsome young man whose hair is blowing in the wind)
Soos Oh, yeah (Eats a corn chip) Word is, dude never leaves the pool. People say he's a "Mysterious loner." (Backs away from Mabel while eating corn chips)
Mabel Is it getting hot out here or is it just that guy?
Dipper It's the hottest day of the year, Mabel. Besides, can't you go for one week without having a new crush on some random guy?
Mabel Uh-uh. (Gasps) Look at his little mustache hairs!
Soos You are clearly enamored. Go to him.
(Mabel runs across the pool, but trips across a bucket and stumbles on two men in lawn chairs.)
Man 1 Hey, come on!
Man 2 Watch it kid!
Mabel (While breaking her leg free from a lawn chair and knocking over a basket of beach balls) Aaah! Oops, sorry.
Soos It's so beautiful!
Dipper Eh, Mabel's all talk. You wanna know a secret? She's never even kissed a guy before. She always messes it up somehow.
Stan Oi. Women. (A water balloon is thrown in his face) Aaah!
Wendy Hey, Mr. Pines!
Stan Wendy? Where's the lifeguard?
Wendy I am the lifeguard. I make the rules, sucka! (Throws a water balloon at Stan) Boosh!
Stan Aah! She's attacking me with water!
(Wendy, Soos, and Dipper laugh.)
Dipper Wow. You work here?
Wendy I found out lifeguards get free snack privileges. Plus I get the best seat in the house.
Dipper Yeah, you do! (Laughs, then whispers) I've been laughing for too long...
Soos Dude, are you and Wendy having a secret staring contest? 'Cause I think you're winning—
Dipper Soos! Shh! (Pushes Soos away, Wendy looks confused) So, hey, you wanna go chuck more water balloons at Grunkle Stan?
Wendy I'd love to, but I gotta spend the day doing tryouts. We're looking for a new assistant lifeguard.
Dipper Hey, (Clears throat; deeper voice) hey. (Normal voice) What if I was the assistant lifeguard?
Wendy That would be so much fun! You're totally in, dude! (Throws a rescue can at Dipper; he catches it) You just have to check in with my boss first, Mr. Poolcheck.
Dipper Your boss?
(It shows a masculine man doing push ups with his index fingers. He turns in Dipper's direction; Dipper gasps.)
(Cuts to the boy Mabel was attracted to. He's drinking lemonade. Suddenly, Mabel bursts out of the water.)
Mabel Wow! Oh my gosh, how crazy bumping into you even though we don't know each other!
Mermando How long have you been underwater?
Mabel That doesn't matter! (Coughs up a band-aid) So, hey! My name's Mabel.
Mermando (In Spanish) Hola.
Mabel Whoa! Are you Australian?
Mermando (Laughs) I am charmed by your sense of humor. And your bold lack of water-wings!
Mabel (Laughs) You're so funny! And your hair is beautiful...
Mermando No, no it has silly tangles!
Mabel Mind if I... (Pulls out a comb, and begins to brush Mermando's hair)
Mermando Why, Mabel. You are so forward. (Laughs)
Mabel (Thinking) This is it! He likes you! Go for it, Mabel! It's time! Ask him out on a date! (Speaking) So, hey, you wanna go dry off? Maybe hit the snack bar or—?
Mermando I-I'm afraid I cannot! For I have a terrible secret! I must go.
(He swims off, leaving Mabel by herself.)
Mabel I'm upset. Yet intrigued!
(Cuts to Dipper talking to Mr. Poolcheck)
Dipper And that is why I think I'd make a good lifeguard assistant.
Mr. Poolcheck Hmm... (Gets down and sniffs Dipper) SPF 100? Good, I like you. But this isn't an easy job. It's anarchy out there.
(It shows the pool being perfectly calm.)
Dipper I think I can handle it.
Mr. Poolcheck Can you handle this?! (He pulls of his hand, revealing it to be prosthetic; Dipper screams) I lost my hand to a pool filter. The pool may seem friendly, but she can turn on you in an instant. Which is why you must respect her rules! Do you think you have what it takes, boy? Do you?!
(Dipper looks at Wendy, who is giving him a thumbs up.)
Dipper Sure. I guess.
(Mr. Poolcheck puts a whistle around Dipper's neck.)
Mr. Poolcheck Welcome to the deep end, son.
Dipper Well, thanks, I— (Mr. Poolcheck strangles him in a hug.) Yep. Oh, this is happening.
(Cut to Stan and Soos walking by the pool.)
Stan There she is, Soos. Equidistant from the snack bar and the bathroom. Just the right amount of sun and shade. And pointed away from where Old Man McGucket lotions himself. 
Old Man McGucket Whoo-wee!
Stan The perfect lawn chair. (The chair shines in the sunlight)
Soos The legends that you told me in the car were true.
Stan I just can't believe it wasn't already taken. And now to sit on it, thereby claiming it as my own.
(Stan sits down, but a foot rests on his back just as he does)
Stan What?!
Gideon Why, hello Stanford.
Stan Gideon! Get outta my chair, kid!!
Gideon Oh my, was this your chair. I had no idea. (Whispers) Yes I did, Stan, I knew.
Stan Move it, you little troll!
Gideon First come, first serve! (Rolls around on the chair)
Stan I'll first serve you!
(Stan picks up Gideon; suddenly the whistle blows. Cuts to Stan in pool jail.)
Stan Come on, Wendy! You can't do this to an old man!
Wendy Sorry, Stan, it's not up to me. (Chuckles) Actually, it is.
Dipper Hey, Wendy, I got the job!
Wendy Sweet! Wanna go abuse our power?
Dipper But what if Poolcheck catches us? He seems emotionally unstable.
(Cuts to Mr. Poolcheck doing push ups on the chain-link fence.)
Wendy Nah, don't worry, man. You just gotta be sneaky about your rule-breaking. Race you to the no running sign!
(Dipper runs after her, but then sees Poolcheck, who is drinking water from the pool. Mr. Poolcheck looks at him and licks the extra water off his face. Dipper then slows down.)
(Cuts back to pool jail.)
Kid 1 How long you in for?
Stan Two hours for roughhousing, but I'm innocent!
Kid 2 Pool jail ain't so bad... as long as you don't wind up in solitary.
(Cuts to a kid trapped inside a pool vent.)
Pool Jail Kid It's the nights that are the hardest.
(Cuts back to Mermando. Mabel comes out of the water, but then drops under again when Mermando looks her direction. Again, Mabel appears, but ducks yet again when Mermando thinks he hears her. Mabel then pops out of the water.)
Mabel Hey there! (Mermando screams) I brought you a sandwich. It's sort of wet, but it's still good. Blop.
(Mabel puts the sandwich on Mermando's inflatable raft.)
Mabel I like sharing things. Sandwiches, secrets. (Whispers) Share your secret, beautiful stranger.
Mermando That wet sandwich does look delicious.
(Mermando's hair blows in the wind.)
Mermando Oh, very well. But you must never tell another living soul my terrible secret.
(Mabel nods.)
Mermando You have to stay away from me because I am...
(The boy pushes his inflatable raft away from him.)
Mermando ...A merman.
Mabel Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were gonna say you had a girlfriend!
(Cuts to commercial break.)
Mabel A merman... ha! I should have known from your strange foreign fish language.
Mermando It is Spanish.
Mabel Your voice is so deep and masculine... how old are you?
Mermando I am 12 years old. Merman's voices change when we are, like, 3.
Mabel So what's your name?
Merman There are some who call me... (plays chord on guitar) Mermando! This is because Mermando is my name.
Mabel But I don't understand Mermando. What's a guy like you doing in a public pool?
Mermando It is a tragic story, Mabel.
(A flashback backs)
Mermando (Narrating) I was swimming with my friends, the mighty dolphins, in the Gulf of Mexico, when I was ensnared!
(Flashback Mermando is seen swimming with dolphins until he is caught in a fishing net and brought up next to a boat)
Davey (Flashback) Earl, did we just catch ourselves some kind of beautiful man-fish?
Earl (Flashback) Let's feast on his flesh.
Mermando (Narrating) The cargo was headed for Gravity Falls.
(Flashback Mermando opens up the back of a truck and hops into the lake.)
Mermando (Narrating) Using all my strength, I tried to escape back home, but it was not to be.
(Flashback Mermando swims up a waterfall. When he reaches the top, he laughs, but suddenly, a log hits him in the face. He falls and lands into the forest surrounding the lake. He spits a tooth out.)
Mermando (Narrating) I would have died of dehydration, were if not for the kindness of the forest animals.
(Flashback deer come up to flashback Mermando and start licking him.)
Mermando (Flashback) (Laughs) Continue licking! Oh!
(Flashback Mermando falls down a pipe, through the forest, over the fence of the Gravity Falls pool, and into the pool. He gasps for air.)
(The flashback ends.)
Mermando But now that you know what I am, you must be seriously weirded out.
Mabel What?! I don't care that you're a merman. You're, like, the coolest guy I've ever met. And you can play at least one chord on the guitar.
Mermando Oh, Mabel, I have never met another human like you. Would you care to join me in a game of the Marco Polo?
Mabel Oh, yes, Mermando! Yes!
(Mabel crushes Mermando in a hug.)
Mermando You are covering my gills. I cannot breathe.
(Mabel quickly lets go. Mermando gasps.)
Mabel (Chuckles) Weird.
Cuts to Gideon putting sunscreen on himself on the lawn chair Stan wanted.
Gideon Ooh! (giggles) My cheeks are baby soft.
Cuts to Stan watching Gideon from afar.
Stan (Growls) Look at him, that smug chair stealing jerk! But I can't touch him, or the pool patrol will throw me in pool jail. Hmm...
(The light of the sun hits Stan's watch)
Stan Ah!
(Stan makes an attempt to shine the light on his watch at Gideon)
Stan Yes. Yes! Burn the child...
(Gideon holds up his goggles, which bounces the light back into Stan's eyes)
Stan Aah! My eyes!
(Stan falls into the pool.)
Gideon (Puts his goggles on) Deal with it. (Stan comes out of the water, completely enraged)
(Cuts to Soos putting on an inflatable duck)
Duck Soos.
Soos Inflatable duck guy, is that you?
Duck Yes, Soos, I can talk.
Soos Oh my gosh, I knew you guys were secretly alive. I knew it!
(Wendy and Dipper are around the corner with a megaphone, looking at Soos, as they are the ones making the inflatable duck talk. They laugh and tell each other to shush quietly.)
Duck My people have been enslaved, Soos. You must free us.
Soos The inflatable pool duck revolution is at hand.
(Dipper and Mabel laugh, but suddenly they hear a whistle.)
Mr. Poolcheck Pool's closing! Clear out everyone!
Dipper Poolcheck!
Wendy Hide!
Mr. Poolcheck Out! Do not touch! Assistant Lifeguard!
(Dipper stops, incredibly nervous)
Mr. Poolcheck Have a good night, son. Lock up the supplies for me.
(Poolcheck takes off his hand and pats it a couple of times. A pair of keys come out of it, which Dipper nervously takes and locks up the supplies with).
(Cuts to Mabel and Mermando brushing each others hair, when the whistle blows.)
Mermando The pool, she closes. Can I see you tonight?
Mabel Sure. Where? Wanna go for a walk?
Mermando Merman. I am a merman.
Mabel Oh, right. (Gets out of the pool) Then I'll be back tonight.
(At night, Mabel drives the golf cart to the pool. She climbs up the fence with a landing net. Mabel goes in the pool with Mermando.)
Mabel Look! Here's a scrapbook of human stuff. (Points at the scrapbook) Here's me standing with my legs. And here I am picking Dipper in his legs. He couldn't move his legs after that! Can you imagine? Not having legs? 
Mermando (A bit angrily) Let's skip this part.
Mabel (Points at another picture) And here's my whole family kick boxing!
Mermando (Sighs, and stays away from Mabel)
Mabel (Follows him) What's wrong?
Mermando takes his guitar out and plays it, but it doesn't sound well. He angrily pours the water out and starts to talk.
Mermando I too, used to have a family once. back in the ocean. (opens his necklace and looks at his family's picture.) How I miss them. (Closes the necklace)'
Mabel Mermando, why don't you just leave the pool?
Mermando I've tried only once, but escaping this pool required a plan that was bold and daring.
Cuts to Mermando's past memory he tried to escape. He jumps out the pool but he doesn't gets far and flaps for water. He hits chairs, a parasol, and gets hit by a wood pecker. Then he rolls into the pool.
Mermando And then the wolves came. (To Mabel, changing the topic) No, I'm glad that I'm here, 'cause I met you. 
Next to Mermando a shooting star falls down.
Mabel (Thinking) This is it, Mabel. Fist kiss moment, here we come! Just go for it! (Tries to kiss)
Mermando What are you doing with your mouth?
Mabel Me? Nothing. This? I was eating some sour candy. So my lips were doing that. The candy was so sour. 
Mermando (Pause) Can I have some candy?
Mabel (Pause) No.
It becomes daytime. Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland are putting suncreams on. Then, Sheriff Blubs gets trapped by a life saver fallen from the top.
Blubs Wha-what the?
Deputy Durland gets trapped too.
Durland I'm scared!
Blubs Me too!
The camera pans up showing Wendy and Dipper were throwing the life savers.
Dipper One hundred points!
Wendy Dude! With this job, you and me are gonna be havin' fun all summer!
Dipper (Blushing) All summer?
Mr. Poolcheck blows a whistle.
Mr. Poolcheck (Pointing Blubs and Durland) Pines! Here! Now!
Cut to Dipper and Mr. Poolcheck in front the pool supplies building
Mr. Poolcheck You gave me your word that you would respect the safety rules of this pool!
Dipper Mr. Poolcheck? Are you crying?
Mr. Poolcheck That's not important right now! (Wipes his eyes) You're on the nights, boy! You wanna keep this job? Well, some maniac broke in to the supplies closet last night and destroyed our one and only pool skimmer! I want you at the sake out. If one more supply gets taken, you're fired!
Dipper I won't let you down!
Cut to Mabel and Mermando at the pool.
Mabel Mermando, get ready! I'm gonna BRING THE HEAT! (Throws the ball to Mermando)
Mermando gets hit by the ball sadly.
Mabel Mermando, are you okay?
Mermando swims to Mabel.
Mabel Oh, it's your family, isn't it? Are you thinking about them?
Mermando makes a dolphin sound
Mabel Mermando, enough is enough! I care about you too much to see you like this. We're ganna bust you out of here and get you back to your family.
Mermando But Mabel! Escape is impossible.
Mabel We're breaking you out of here tonight!
Mabel hits the water which splashes.
Mabel Oops! Sorry about that. Water.
At night, Dipper guards the pool.
Dipper Alright, Dipper, here's the plan. Catch the trespasser, protect the supplies, keep job at pool, and eventually marry Wendy. (Dipper hears a sound) Freeze!
Dipper turns to the place where the sound is heard. It turns out to be Stan cutting the fence.
Dipper Grunkle Stan?
Stan I-uh, I'm sleep walking! Also now I'm sleep talking. (Points at the hat) Nice hat, by the way.
Dipper You! You're the one destroying pool supplies!

Stan

What? No! My crime is a lot better than that. I'm gonna get that seat and be ready at the morning when Gideon comes. And maybe I'll destory some pool supplies. Night's still young.
Dipper blows the whistle.
Stan (Backs off) Yeesh, alright, I'm goin'!
Stan walks a little, then runs to the pool.
Dipper Hey! 
Dipper follows after him. Then, from a bush, Mabel appers in a golfcart. Mermando notices Mabel by the lights.
Mabel Hey!
Mermando Mabel! (Swims to Mabel)

Mabel

Are you ready to see your family?
Mermando Yes, but how can I, a merman, possibly escape?
Mabel Okay, my original plan was to tape together a bunch fish sticks to make you a prosthetic pair of people legs.
Mermando Intriguing.
Mabel But then I realized that I could just transport you in this cooler.
Dipper Hey! Who's there!
Memando Quick! Hide me! My kind must not be seen!
Dipper Mabel? Is there anyone not breaking into the pool tonight? What, is Soos here too?
Soos I'm okay.
Dipper Go home, Soos.
Soos You got it.
Dipper So, why are you here?
Mabel Uh, no reason.
Dipper Did that cooler just clear its throat?
Mabel Don't be silly. There certainly isn't a merman in there, if that's what you're implying.
Dipper Who said anything about a merman? Mabel, I don't have time for your games. If you don't give me those supplies, I'll lose the coolest job ever!
Mabel I understand. Hey, look! Wendy in a bikini!
Dipper Really? At night?
Mabel Sorry, Dipper!
Dipper Mabel!
Pool Vent Kid Go, Mabel, go! We can't all be saved.
Mabel I'm gonna get you home!
Dipper Hand over the pool supplies in the name of pool law!
Mabel Pool law is dumb! And so is your hat!
Mabel

Look! Gravity Falls lake!

Stan The coast is clear. Now all I have to do is wait here 15 hours until the pool opens... This was a good plan.
Blubs I think someone just sped by.
Durland Probably just a dream.
Blubs With you, every day is a dream.
Mermando I cannot breathe! You must hurry!
Mabel I'm okay.
Dipper Alright, the jig is up! Hand over that cooler!
Mabel Never!
Dipper Why not? Why do you even need it?
Mabel I needed the cooler to save my new friend because he needs to go home and he's really nice and we combed each others' hair and he needs to be in the cooler because he breathes water because he's a merman!
Mermando (Mermando rolls out of the cooler) Hola.
Dipper Whoa! Way to bury the lead, Mabel.
Mabel Dipper, Mermando the merman. He's a merman.
Mermando Nice to meet you. Also, I think I am dying. Water! Agua! Yo necesito!
Mabel Oh, no! Mermando! Dipper, you're a lifeguard! Give him CPR!
Dipper Mermen don't breathe air!
Mabel Then give him reverse CPR! Doi!
Dipper runs to the pool car and grabs a bottle of water. He runs back and leans over Mermando and steals himself. He squirts water into his mouth and starts resuscitating Mermando through mouth-to-mouth.
Dipper I hate this! I hate this!
Mabel (Takes a photo. Laughs) Blackmail!
Mermando Thank you for saving me, But why didn't you just roll me into the lake? (Mermando gestures to the lake which is only a foot away.)
Dipper smacks his forehead.
Mermando I am weak from coughing. How will I get my family to hear my call from the mighty depths of the ocean?
Mabel I've got it. BRB. (she grabs a megaphone from the golf cart) Problem solved!
Dipper Mabel, those are pool supplies. I'll get fired!
Mabel Dipper! Don't you know what it's like to fall for someone? Even though you know in your heart that it'll probably never work out, but you'd do anything for that person?
Dipper (sighs) Give Mermando the megaphone.
Mabel Thanks, Dip.
Mermando Mabel, I have never met anyone like you.
Mabel Same here.
Mabel Except for a zombie, a gnome, and a couple of cute vampires.
Dipper I don't remember the vampires.
Mabel I don't tell you everything.
Mabel Well, Mermando, I guess this is it.
Mermando Not quite. This is! (leaps up and kisses Mabel.)
Dipper Whoa! Okay, that's gross. Ugh.
Mabel That was my first kiss! Hey, it was also kind of your first kiss too, huh? Huh?
Dipper Please don't involve me in this.
Mabel Goodbye, Mermando.
Mermando Goodbye, Mabel.
Mabel You did the right thing, Dipper.
Dipper Yeah, yeah.
Mabel Oh, wait, wait! One last thing! (Runs over to Mermando) Yes! I've always wanted to do that.
Poolcheck A wrecked fence, dents in the pool mobile, And a missing megaphone? Who is responsible for this?!
Dipper It's my fault, sir. I'm sorry. I got in too deep.
Poolcheck Hand over the whistle, boy!
Dipper hands Poolcheck the whistle, who then proceeds to put it in his mouth and crushes it with his teeth. Dipper slowly backs away.
Poolcheck If one more thing goes wrong today—
Soos throws the inflatable ducks over the fence
Soos You're free now! Free! Inflatable ducks unite!
Poolcheck You!
Soos Huh? (Screams)
Kid Git 'em! Git 'em!
Wendy Hey, doofus, you'll never guess what happened. I just got fired.
Dipper What? Really?
Wendy Yeah. I guess Poolcheck found out I was taking too many snacks.
Dipper How many?
Wendy lifts her hat and reveals a stack of Corncorno packs. Dipper laughs.
Wendy Hey, wanna go break rules somewhere else?
Dipper Of course!
Mabel "Dear Mabel, (Mermando's voice plays in the background) I am home with my family and I am very happy"
Mermando Our first kiss will always hold a place in my heart. Technically hearts. As a merman I have, like, 17 hearts. Horrifying but true! More bottles on the way!
Bottles appear and Mabel giggles
Gideon Stanford! (and Stanford laughs) Well, guess you've won. Put 'er there.
Stan Hey! What the—
Gideon Unless perhaps I predicted your plan, and coated the entire chair with glue last night! Enjoy your chair... forever. (and he laughs)
Stan Kids, get the spatulas! Kids!
Cut to end credits
Pooljail kid stares up at the sky from his prison as the seasons pass.
End.

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