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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Inconveniencing." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "The Hand That Rocks the Mabel" Next: "Dipper vs. Manliness"
Opens to Dipper and Mabel in the Shack. Mabel is sitting on a spinning globe.
Dipper Pines Mabel, do you believe in ghosts?
Mabel Pines I believe you're a big dork! Ha ha ha!
Dipper (Puts pencil against globe, making Mabel fall off)
Stan Pines (Enters from outside) Soos! Wendy!
Soos Ramirez (Runs up, panting) What's up, Mr. Pines!
Stan I'm headin' out. You two are gonna wash the bathrooms, right?
Soos Yes, sir!
Wendy Corduroy Absolutely not!
Stan Ha ha! You stay out of trouble! (Leaves)
Wendy Hey guys! What's this? (Unveils curtain) A secret ladder to the roof?
Soos Uh, I don't think Mr. Pines would like that.
Wendy Huh?
Soos Uhhhhh.
Wendy Huh?
Soos You're freaking me out, dude!
Dipper Can we actually go up there?
Wendy Sure we can! Roof time! Roof time!
Dipper and Mabel Roof time! Roof time!
Soos (Looks out window) Uhhhh.
Dipper, Mabel, and Wendy (Walk over roof to Wendy's spot)
Wendy Alright, check it out!
Dipper Did you put all this stuff up here?
Wendy I may or may not sneak up here during work, all the time, everyday. (Throws pine cone, it hits a target on a totem pole) Yes!
Dipper Cool!
Mabel Me first!
Dipper and Mabel (Throw pine cones)
Dipper (Hits a car; the car alarm goes off) (Blushes)
Wendy Jackpot! High five. (Holds up hand) ... Don't leave me hangin'.
Dipper and Wendy (High five)
Wendy Oh hey, it's my friends!
Thompson (Pulls up in car. Waves hand out window) Wendy!
Wendy Hey, you guys aren't going to tell Stan about this, are you?
Dipper (Zips lips)
Wendy (Zips lips) Later dorks! (Slides down trees and gets into car)
Thompson Let's get out of here! (Drives away)
Dipper Later Wendy! Heh heh heh! Good times!
Mabel Uh, oh!
Dipper What?
Mabel (Poking Dipper) Somebody's in love!
Dipper Yeah, right! I just think Wendy's cool, okay? It's not like I lie awake at night thinking about her!
(Cut to Dipper in bed at night, wide awake)
Dipper Uh-oh.
(Cuts to theme song)
(Cuts to inside Mystery Shack)
Mabel Random dance party for no reason! (Dances)
Wendy (Dances) Go! Go! Go! Go!
Dipper (Writing:) I am pretending to write something down.
Wendy Dipper!
Dipper (Throws clipboard and catches it) Uh what, yes?
Wendy Aren't ya gonna get in on this?
Dipper I don't really dance.
Mabel Yeah, you do! Mom used to dress him up in a lamb costume and make him do... (whispering to Wendy:) The Lamby Dance!
Dipper (Angrily to Mabel:) Now is not the time to talk about the Lamby Dance.
Wendy Lamb costume? Wow, is there like little ears and a tail or...?
Dipper Well uh, uh...
Mabel (Holds up picture) Dipper would prance around and sing a song about grazing.
Wendy (Phone beeps) Hey, look at that! Quittin' time! The gang's waitin' for me.
Dipper Wait! Why don't I-or we come with you?
Wendy Ooh... I don't know. My friends are pretty intense. How old did you guys say you are?
Dipper We're thirteen! So, technically a teen.
Wendy All right. I like your moxie, kid! Let me get my stuff. (Leaves)
Mabel Since when are we thirteen? Is this a leap year?
Dipper Come on, Mabel. This is our chance to hang out with, you know, the cool kids. And Wendy and whatever.
Mabel I knew it! You love her! (Dances around Dipper, points at him and sings:) Love love love love love!
Dipper Oh hey, what's that? (Points)
Mabel Huh?
Dipper (Flips Mabel's hair over her face)
Mabel (Through hair) Bleh, bleh, bleh.
(Cuts to teens outside)
Lee and Nate (Holding up Thompson) In the belly! In the belly!
Thompson Come on! Hurry up!
Robbie Valentino (Gets ready to throw jelly bean)
(Bean hits Thompson in the belly button)
Robbie (Looks at his bean in confusion)
(Shows that Wendy was the one who threw the bean; Wendy straightens up from her throwing position, smiling)
Wendy's friends Wendy!
Nate Wendy! Wendy!
Wendy Hey guys! These are my pals from work, Mabel and Dipper.
Mabel I chewed my gum so it looks like a brain! BLAH! (Sticks out her tongue, which has a wad of gum on it)
Dipper She's not much for first impressions. (Points at himself) Unlike this guy! ...this guy...
Robbie So are you, like, babysitting, or-
Wendy Come on, Robbie! Guys, this is Lee and Nate.
Lee and Nate (Punch each other and laugh)
Wendy Tambry.
Tambry (Texting) Hey...
Wendy Thompson, who once ate a runover waffle for 50 cents.
Thompson Don't tell them that!
Wendy And Robbie. You can probably figure him out.
Robbie Yeah, I'm the guy who spray-painted the water tower.
Dipper Oh, you mean the big muffin!
Robbie Um, it's a giant explosion.
Everyone (Looks at water tower)
Lee Hehe! Kinda does look like a muffin!
Lee and Nate (Laugh)
Robbie (Glares at Dipper)
Wendy Let's hurry it up, guys. I got big plans for tonight!
Everyone (Gets into the car)
Dipper (Goes over to the passenger seat and sees Robbie there)
Robbie Sorry kid, I'll ride shotgun alright?
Dipper (Gets into the back with Mabel)
Thompson Okay just, before we go, my mom said you guys aren't allowed to punch the roof anymore, so...
Teens except Thompson (Punches roof) Thompson! Thompson! Thompson!
Thompson (Drives the car)
Mabel (Takes pen from Dipper, crosses out, "You stink!" on her door, writes "You look nice today!") (Speaking:) Ha! This is gonna blow someone's mind!
Dipper Mabel, please!
Mabel What, am I embarrassing you in front of your new GIRLFRI-
Dipper (Slaps hand over Mabel's mouth; pulls it away) Ugh! Did you just lick my hand?
(Cut to Stan sitting in front of TV)
TV announcer You're watching the black and white period piece old lady boring movie channel!
Stan Kids! I can't find the remote and I refuse to stand up!
TV announcer Stay tuned for the Friday night movie, The Duchess Approves, starring Sturly Stembleburgiss as "The Duchess" and Grampton St. Rumpterfrabble as irascible coxswain "Saunterblugget Hampterfuppinshire!"
Stan KIDS!
(The Duchess Approves begins)
Stan NO! NOOOO!
(Cut to the teens and the twins standing in front of the Dusk 2 Dawn fence)
Wendy There it is, fellas! The condemned Dusk 2 Dawn!
Lee and Nate Ha! Cool!
Mabel Neato!
Dipper Why'd they shut it down, was it like a health code violation, or-
Nate TRY MURDER!
Lee Some folks died in there, the place has been haunted ever since!
Mabel This town has such a colorful history!
Dipper Wha... Are you guys serious?
Wendy Yeah! We're all gonna die! Chill out man! (punches Dipper friendly) It's not as bad as it looks!
(Fast forward to everyone over the fence but Dipper and Lee. Dipper is straddling the fence)
Wendy Come on, Dipper!
Dipper Okay Okay! Just gotta get a foothold...
Robbie Dude, your sister did it!
Mabel (Running on the ground sideways in a circle) WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP!
Lee (Climbs up behind Dipper) Hey, you know what. Just... There you go. (Throws Dipper off the fence) Ha! S-sorry dude!
Nate Good job throwing the kid off the fence, genius!
Lee Your mom's a genius...
Wendy (Looks in the window of the store) Wow! This place is amazing!
Robbie (Tries to open door) I think it's, it's stuck!
Dipper Let me take a crack at it!
Robbie Oh yeah. I can't get in, but I'm sure Junior here is gonna break it down like Hercules!
Wendy Come on, leave him alone. He's just a little kid.
Dipper (Walks around to dumpster; jumps up on it)
Tambry Kid, what are you doing?
Dipper (Walks up the roof to the vents; punches it)
Mabel Go Dipper! Punch that metal thing!
Dipper (Punches the vent cover into the vents; walks inside)
Wendy Hey Dipper, take it easy!
Robbie Who wants to bet he doesn't make it?
Dipper (Walks out door; gestures for everyone to go inside)
Lee Good call inviting this little maniac!
Nate Your new name is Dr. Funtimes!
Mabel (High fives Dipper)
Wendy (Punches Dipper friendly) Nice work!
Dipper (Skips inside after everyone else)
Thompson Do you guys really think it's haunted?
Nate Na! Thompson are you kidding me?
(The sign mysteriously turns from "Yes, we're open" to "Get lost! We're closed." Commercial break)
Wendy Whoa man, it's even creepier than I imagined!
Mabel (Wipes dust off change slot. Licks the dust off her finger) Yep. It's dust.
Dipper (Wipes dust off newspaper)
Lee Hey dude, where do you think they keep the dead bodies?
Nate (shoves Lee) Shut up, man!
Wendy Guys, check it out! You think these still work? (Turns on lights)
Teens (Muttering positive things about the store)
Mabel Jackpot!
Dipper So, what are we going to do now?
Wendy Anything we want.
(Everyone throws food at each other, then, they sit in a circle and pop mints into a Pit Cola bottle; it explodes and everyone cheers)
Mabel (Runs around corner) Oh my Gosh! Smile Dip! I thought this stuff was banned in America!
Dipper Maybe they had a good reason. (Gets hit by a balloon full of food. Runs off)
Mabel (Puts the stick into the the Smile Dip. Looks at the stick, then pours the entire package into her mouth)
(Wendy and Dipper are eating ice pops on a shelf)
Nate (Offscreen:) Hey come here we got it ready!
Thompson Whatever it is I'll do it!
Wendy (Laughs) Thompson! Dipper, this night is like, legendary.
Dipper Really?
Wendy Just look around. The guys are bonding.
Robbie and Nate (Stuff ice into Thompson's pants)
Wendy I've never even seen Tambry look up from her phone this long.
Tambry (Looks up from her phone for a second)
Wendy And your sister seems to be going nuts with that Smile Dip.
Mabel Ugh, maybe I've had too much. What do you think?
Cut to Mabel's hallucination, she is in a valley that changes colors, and crazy pop music plays in the background
Flavor pup (Speaks gibberish)
Flavor pup #2 Would you like to eat my candy paws?
Mabel Of course you little angel! (Grabs the paw and chews it)
Cut to real life; Mabel is chewing on air.
Wendy You know Dipper, I wasn't sure if you could hang with our crew at first, but you're surprisingly mature for your age.
Dipper Yes, yes I am. (Smears ice cream on face)
Lee Hey guys! We need more ice! (Shows Lee shaking a bag of ice over Thompson's pants)
Dipper I'm on it! (Jumps off the shelf and walks over to an ice freezer. He takes a bag of ice, but looks up to see some sort of cooler monster) Aah! (Drops the ice and closes the door; he gasps and looks back at the door; he slowly opens the door again but the Cooler Monster is not there)
Lee What was that? I thought I heard some lady screaming back here.
Nate You freakin' out, kid?
Dipper Uh, no. I'm cool. Everything's cool.
Robbie Then what's all this about? (Points to the spilled ice)
Dipper That's uh, um uh...hey look! Dancy Pants Revolution! The game that tricks people into exercising!
Teens (Mumble in agreement and walks over to play it)
Dipper Heh heh, yeah lets all- let's go play that. (Turns around and looks at the cooler's door. Then turns around again and walks to the video game)
Cuts to Thompson playing Dancy Pants Revolution, and everyone cheering him on.
Dancy Pants Dance! Hurry up!
Lee and Nate Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Wendy Wow. He's really terrible at this.
Dipper Heh heh, yeah. That's, that's great. (Looks into a glass door, and sees the reflections of Wendy, Robbie, Tambry, Thompson and himself. Their skin, however, is replaced by bones, Dipper rubs his eyes and everything is back to normal) I'll be right back. (Runs off to use a telephone) Come on, Grunkle Stan, pick up! Ugh, what is he doing!?
Cuts to Stan watching The Duchess Approves
Duchess I don't care about Dukes, or Commoners, or His Royal Highness Lionel of Cornwall! I'm not afraid anymore, Mother!
Mother Duchess, I forbid you.
Stan (Eats ice cream)
Duchess I may be a Duchess, but...I'm also a woman! (Takes her hat off to reveal her long hair flying in the wind)
Stan Yes! Yes! In your face Elizabeth! It's just like my life!...in a way.
Cuts to the phone hanging from the cord and Dipper walking over to Mabel.
Dipper Mabel, I need your advice. We're hanging out in a haunted convenience store, I can't get a hold of Grunkle Stan, and if I say anything about it to any of these guys they'll just think I'm a scared little kid or something!
Mabel (Makes a gurgling sound with Smile Dip all over her face, clothes, and her eyes small and green)
Dipper Mabel?
Zoom in on Mabel's face, fade to her hallucination: she's flying with crazy pop music from before playing
Mabel The future! ...is in the past! Onwards Aoshima!
Aoshima (Moves its fists in a circular motion, its mouth opens to reveal a fist coming out of them, and the fist's open out and spit out rainbows)
Cut to real life.
Dipper (Shakes Mabel) Mabel! How many of these did you eat!?
Mabel Beleven.. teen...
Dipper Oh man. (Drops Mabel) Oh man, oh man, oh man.
Robbie (Uses a quarter to scratch lottery tickets) Ha! Ha ha ha! (Drops the coin and it rolls onto the floor and stops in front of a white line; goes to pick it up but stops) Whoa guys, you might wanna see this.
Everyone except Mabel (Gather around the tape markings of Pa and Ma's bodies and talking to each other)
Lee Then the rumors are true!
Dipper (Gulps)
Robbie (To Lee:) Dude, I dare you to lie down in it.
Lee Good idea! (To Nate:) Go lie down in it!
Nate I'm a dead body, look! (Walks over to the markings)
Dipper Wait! Maybe let's not do that.
Lee This guy's scared!
Dipper All I'm saying is, why tempt the fates? I mean.. What if this place really is... haunted?
Teens Boo! Ah c'mon!
Robbie Yeah, take it down a notch, Captain Buzzkill!
Dipper I thought I was Dr. Funtimes.
Robbie Well, you're acting like Captain Buzzkill! Right?
Tambry, Lee and Nate (Nod)
Wendy Yeah, little bit.
Tambry (Texting:) Status update: trapped in store with insane 9-year old.
Dipper I'm not a 9-year-old! (lies down in tape markings) I'm 13! Technically a teen!
The tape markings light up and the lights go out. Tambry looks up and dissolves.
Dipper (Picks up her phone, reading from it:) Status update: AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!
Tambry (Appears on security camera screen) AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Teens and Dipper AAAAUUGGH!
(Commercial break)
Tambry AAAAH!!
Wendy Tambry! Tambry!
Dipper Can you hear us!?
Tambry (Looks around in confusion)
Nate What are we supposed to do!?
Lee I don't know man! I don't know!
Robbie Let's just go already!
Wendy Thompson!
Thompson (Playing Dancy Pants Revolution) Wait! I've almost got the high score! (dissolves and reappears inside the game) Uh? What?
Dancy Pants It's time to shake what your mama gave you!
Thompson No! So many arrows!
Dancy Pants (Throws arrows down on Thompson) You're a dance machine!
Thompson No! You're a dance machine! (Cries)
Wendy Thompson!
Robbie Forget them! Let's go!
The doors close
Wendy What the... (tries to open the door but can't) Guys... It's locked!
Robbie OUTTA MY WAY! (Throws the cash register at the doors, but it dissolves and green light flies at Robbie)
Dipper Everybody, wait! Whatever's doing this has to have some kind of reason! (opens 3) Maybe if we can figure out what it is, they'll let us out of here!
Robbie "Uh-uh they'll let us out of here!" (Sarcastically:) Yeah, that makes a lot of sense!
Wendy I don't know guys, maybe he's got a point!
Lee (Sarcastically:) Yeah right, I'm sure the ghost just wants to talk about his feelings! (Dissolves and reappears on a cereal box)
Cereal box Toucan I'm bonkers for eating you alive! (Holds up spoon and stabs Lee)
Nate Lee! Okay, okay.. I'm with you kid! 100%, man!
Pa (Possessing Mabel, flies up behind counter; through Mabel, deep voice:) Welcome.
Dipper, Nate, Robbie, and Wendy (Scream)
Dipper They got Mabel!
Pa Welcome to your graves, young trespassers. (Kicks legs and laughs)
Wendy We're super sorry for hanging out in your store!
Dipper Yeah! Can we just go now and leave forever?
Pa Well... okay. You're free to go. (Opens doors) But before you leave, hot dogs are now half off. I know it might be crazy, but you gotta try these dogs!
Nate and Robbie (Scream and run for the door)
Pa (Closes doors) Just kidding about the hot dog sale!
Nate Just let us out of here already!
Pa I don't like your tone! (Dissolves Nate)
Nate (Reappears as a hot dog on the stove) No! I'M A HOT DOG!
Pa It begins. (Makes everything float to the ceiling) Welcome to your home for all eternity!
Wendy Dipper, what do we do?!
Dipper DUCK!
Dipper and Wendy (Duck to avoid a flying shelf)
Wendy (Points) Quick! In there!
Dipper and Wendy (Run to a tipped over ice machine and hide inside and pant)
Wendy What do they want from us?!
Dipper Revenge, I guess?
Wendy What did we do wrong?
Dipper Okay, let's try to figure out the pattern here. Why was each person taken? Tambry was texting, Thompson was playing a video game, Lee was being sarcastic; it doesn't make any sense!
Wendy Yeah! I mean, those are all just normal teenage things.
Dipper Wendy, say that last part again.
Wendy Normal teenage things?
Dipper Of course! Stay here until I get back! (crawls out of the freezer)
Wendy Dude, what are you doing?!
Dipper Hey ghost!
Pa (twists Mabel's head around to face Dipper, then turns the rest of her body towards him)
Dipper I've got something to tell you! I'm not a teenager!
Pa (drops everything that's floating and appears holding Mabel by her hair with Ma) Hohoho! Well why didn't you say so? (drops Mabel into a pile of candy)
Mabel (Falling:) WAAH! (Lands in the candy and rubs her head) Ohhh...
Pa How old did you say you were?
Dipper I'm... (Reluctantly:) I'm twelve, technically not a teen.
Ma When we were alive, teenagers were a scourge on our store!
Pa Always sassafrassin' costumers with their boomy boxes and disrespectful short pants! (Flashbacks to the day he and Ma died) So we decided to up and ban them! (Pa in the flashback places a sign labeled "NO TEENS" on the store window) But they retaliated with this new fangled rap music.
Ma (In the flashback, hugs Pa) The lyrics, they were so, hateful!
90's Teens (In the flashback, dancing to the rap:) Homework's whack, and so are rules! Tuckin' in you're shirt's for fools!
Pa (In the flashback:) NO!
Ma It was so shocking, we were stricken down with double heart attacks!
Ma and Pa (In the flashback, clutch their chests and collapse, dead)
The flashback ends
Ma (Brightly:) That's why we hate teenagers so much! Don't we, honey?
Ma and Pa (Nuzzle)
Dipper But they're my friends, isn't there anything I can do to, help them?
Pa There is one thing. Do you know any funny little dances?
Dipper Uh... is there anything else I can do?
Pa (Lights himself on fire) NOOOO!
Dipper OKAY OKAY OKAY! Um... Well, I do know... (Reluctantly:) the Lamby Lamby Dance. Bu-but I can't really do it, without a lamb costume! (Folds his arms, happy to be out of it)
Pa (Snaps his fingers and Dipper is in a lamb costume)
Dipper Oh, well... there it is. (Takes a deep breath, sings the Lamby Lamby Dance) Wellll...

Who wants a Lamby lamby lamby? I do! I do! So go up and greet your Mammy mammy mammy! Hi there! Hi there! So march march march around the daisies...

Pa Yes, Yes! More! MORE!
Dipper (Marching and singing:) Don't don't don't you forget about the babies! (Sweats, winks)
Pa That was so fine, girly dancin' boy! Your friends are free.
Dipper (In normal clothes) Well I don't think you have to worry about us coming back, so...
Ma and Pa (Disappear and allow everything to fall back to the floor and freeing the teens)
Mabel Ugghh... I'm never gonna eat or do anything ever again.
Dipper Hey! (Picks up a package of Smile Dip) There's still some left!
Mabel (Slaps it out of his hand) EVIL!
Lee (To Wendy:) What-what happened after everything went crazy?
Wendy You are not going to believe it! The ghosts appeared, (laughing:) and Dipper had to... (sees Dipper looking at her) Uh, and uh, Dipper just grabbed a bat, and just started beating ghosts down, left and right, and the ghost got all scared, and ran away like a couple of little girls, it was insane!
Nate Alright! Dr. Funtimes!
Wendy (Turns to Dipper and zips lips)
Dipper (Zips lips)
Cut to everyone except Dipper and Wendy sleeping in the van.
Wendy Well, I'm probably scarred for life.
Dipper Yeah, that was pretty crazy.
Wendy I think I'll go stare at a wall for a while and RETHINK EVERYTHING. Hey, next time we hang out, let's stay at the Mystery Shack. Okay?
Dipper Next time? Yah! Let's, let's hang out at the Shack! Yeah... (gets in the car, to himself:) Next time... (gets in the car and sits next to Mabel)
Mabel OHHHHH... (sees the thing she wrote earlier) What kind of sick joke is this?
The car drives away from the store, and the lights go out in the store. Cut to credits.
Stan (In front of the TV) Ah, the wedding. I've waited so long for this. Oh, look at her in that dress! (angrily as people on the TV gasp:) Count Lionel? What's he doin' here?!
Count Lionel (From TV:) I've come to reclaim my bride!
Stan You had your chance at the cotillion, you!
Man (From TV:) You had your chance at the cotillion, you!
Stan That's what I'm SAYING! UuuaaaAAAAGGGHHH!
Outside, Dipper and Mabel are walking to the door. The television flies out the window and nearly hits them.
Stan Uh, couldn't find the remote.
(Episode ends)

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