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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "The Last Mabelcorn." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
Previous: "The Stanchurian Candidate" Next: "Roadside Attraction"
Episode opens with the Mystery Shack at night. Cut to Dipper Pines sleeping, then Mabel Pines, who is sleeping with her a stuffed unicorn on top of her. She squeezes it.
Recording Princess Lovacorn says:
Princess Lovacorn Buy my 42 accessories!
Cut to Ford Pines sleeping on the couch. Cut to Ford's dream, where he appears in a field of wheat with a ruined swingset, universe portal, and the Stanowar around him. Ford looks around as the wheat is flattened around him into the image of Bill Cipher, glowing blue. Ford hears Bill's maniacal laughter.
Ford Pines I know that laugh... Show yourself! (Turns around as Bill Cipher materializes from the ground, floating in the air)
Bill Cipher Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well! (Cuts to multiple copies of Bill materializing as he talks, forming a ring around Ford) Aren't you a sight for sore eye! (All of the Bills mirror each other's movements) Stanford Filbrick Pines, my old pal!
Ford Bill Cipher. What do you want from me?
Bill Oh, quit playing dumb, IQ! (Another Bill talks:) You knew I'd be back! (The Bill that's talking flicks Ford's nose) You think shutting down that portal could stop what I have planned? (All the Bills merge into one giant Bill that floats over Ford) I've been making deals, chatting with old friends, preparing for the big day! You can't keep that rift safe forever. (Snaps his fingers and a copy of the dimensional rift appears in his hand) You'll slip up, and when you do...! (Throws the rift onto the ground, where it creates a massive portal in the shape of an upside-down triangle, burning the wheat field around Ford)
Ford Get out of here! You have no dominion in our world!
Bill Maybe not right now, but things change, Stanford Pines! (Ford is reflected in Bill's eye as Bill ascends up into the portal) Things... change.
Bill laughs as he flies away, leaving Ford in the middle of the burning wheat field. Several images flash by at once, one of Ford's hand, one of Ford's eye, and another of what looks like an extended version of the Zodiac. Ford wakes up in his bed, panting. He adjusts his glasses.
Ford I have to warn them! (Looks at his hand) He's coming.
Cut to the theme song.
Cut to a shot of the exterior of the Mystery Shack in the daytime. Cut to Dipper opening a closet door and Mabel rubbing her hands excitedly. The two look at the closet, which contains some stray items and board games.
Dipper Pines (Looks around the closet) Alright, Grunkle Stan's gotta have some decent board games.
Mabel Pines Let's see, "Battlechutes & Ladderships," "Necronomiconopoly," "Don't Wake Stalin"...
Dipper (Picks up a game) Hey, what's this? "What Could Go Wrong?: The Board Game. The last players who opened this box never made it out alive."
Mabel (After a short pause) Well, I know what we're doing today.
Dipper (Talking over Mabel:) This should take up the next 21 minutes.
Ford (Off-screen:) Family meeting! Family meeting!
Cut to Stan Pines and another man standing in front of a truck outside the Mystery Shack. Stan is holding a wooden barrel of pugs.
Stan Pines Alright, Santiago. You have 24 hours to get these pugs across the U.S. border.
Ford (Off-screen:) Family meeting! Family meeting!
Stan (Gives Santiago the pugs) No te preocupas! Vamos! Vamos!
Cut to Mabel and Dipper walking to Ford, who has several scrolls tucked under his arm and is reading a book. Ford turns around and notices the two, putting the scrolls on the table.
Ford Ah, children. Come in, come in!
Mabel (Takes a seat and looks at a bag on the table) Ooh, mysterious scrolls and potions! Are you going to tell us we're finally of age to go to wizard school? (Starts rummaging through the bag) Is there an owl in this bag?
Ford (Snatches the bag away) No! I can assure you if there's an owl in this bag, he's long dead. Now, children, do either of you recognize this symbol? (Holds up a scroll emblazoned with the image of Bill Cipher and several hieroglyphs)
Dipper and Mabel (Gasp)
Dipper Bill.
Ford You... you know him?
Dipper Know him? He's been terrorizing us all summer! I have so many questions and theories...
Mabel Dipper's been pretty paranoid since Bill turned him into a living sock puppet.
Dipper The important thing is we defeated him twice.
Mabel Once with kittens and once with tickles!
Dipper It was a lot more heroic than it sounds.
Ford The fact that you've dealt with Bill is gravely serious.
Dipper So, how do you know Bill?
Ford I've encountered many dark beings in my time, Dipper. What matters is that his powers are growing stronger, and if he pulls off his plans, no one in this family will be safe!
Mabel (Gasps)
Ford Fortunately, there should be a way to shield us from his mental tricks. A way to Bill-proof the Shack. (Draws on a map of his lab) All I have to do is place moonstones here, here, and here, sprinkle some mercury, let's see... I always forget the last ingredient! (Takes out Journal 1 and flips through it) Ugh, unicorn hair.
Dipper That's not, like, rare, is it?
Ford It's hopeless. (Looks at Journal 1; adjusts his glasses) Unicorns reside deep within an enchanted glade, and their hairs can only be obtained by a pure good-hearted person who goes on a magical quest to find them.
Mabel (Screams) Grunkle Ford, can I please go on this quest? I am literally obsessed with unicorns! My first word was "unicorn," I once made my own unicorn by taping a traffic cone to a horse's head. (Cut to a photo that reads "BANNED FROM PETTING ZOO" and has a picture of Mabel near a disgruntled horse with duct tape and a traffic cone on its head) Are you even looking at the sweater I'm wearing right now?! Not to mention that I'm probably the most pure of heart person in this room.
Ford That's true, she has a point.
Dipper (Talking over Ford:) I can't argue there.
Mabel So can I go on a mission to get that hair? Please please please? I'LL GIVE YOU MY BLOOD!
Ford Very well. But it won't be easy. (Gives Mabel Journal 1) Take this. (Hands Mabel a crossbow) And this.
Mabel Oooh!
Ford I haven't been in this dimension for a while. It's okay to give children weapons, right?
Mabel Pssh, come on, dawg. (Fires the crossbow through the window, setting off Stan's car alarm)
Stan (Off-screen:) AH! IT'S THE COPS! GUN IT! (Drives away)
Mabel (To phone:) Candy, Grenda, Wendy, clear the afternoon! (Runs off)
Dipper So, what are the odds she gets that hair?
Ford Unlikely. I've dealt with unicorns before, and if I had to describe them in one word it would be... frustrating.
Dipper So, what are we gonna do about Bill?
Ford Follow me.
Dipper changes the sign on the Mystery Shack to "Closed." Dipper and Ford get into the elevator and get out onto the second floor.
Ford Welcome to my private study, a place where I keep my most ancient and secret knowledge. Even your uncle Stan doesn't know about this place. (As Dipper stops to investigate a rectangular object covered by a sheet) Dipper, come along! If we can't Bill-proof the Shack, we're going to have to do the next best thing. (Holds up a helmet with wires on it) We're gonna have to Bill-proof our minds.
Dipper (Gasps)
Cut to Mabel, Candy, Grenda and Wendy in the woods.
Mabel It's nice to finally be out on a mission, just us gals!
Grenda Forget the gal talk! I'm here to meet, touch, and/or become a unicorn!
Candy Chiu I hear if you lick a unicorn's neck, it tastes like your favorite flavor in the world!
Mabel Candy, I will make sure you lick that unicorn's neck, because I care about my friends.
Wendy Corduroy Honestly, I stopped believing in unicorns when I was like, five years old. I'm just coming along to keep you kids from walking into a bear trap.
Mabel Stop! This is the magic part of the forest. (Opens Journal 1) Let's see, the gnome tavern is over there, the fairy nail salon is over there, but it says that to summon the unicorn, one must bellow this ancient chant droned only by the deepest-voiced druids of old.
Grenda (Takes the journal) On it! Oy-oyoy-oyoyoyoy...
Wendy I bet you ten bucks nothing happens.
Mabel I'll take that bet. (Gasps)
A fortress rises out of the ground. Mabel, Candy, Grenda and Wendy enter it.
Mabel The paintings airbrushed on the sides of vans were true!
Celestabellebethabelle (Neighs)
Grenda Mother of mothers!
Candy Queen of dreams!
Wendy No way.
Mabel (Reaches her hand up towards Wendy and makes a grabbing motion) Eh, eh.
Wendy (Gives her a ten-dollar bill and sighs)
Commercial break. Cuts to the four girls looking at the unicorn while a faun plays a pan flute nearby. The unicorn rears her head.
Celestabellebethabelle Hark! Visitors to my realm of enchantment!
Mabel Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! What's your name?
Celestabellebethabelle I am Celestabellebethabelle, last of my kind. Come in, come in. Just, take off your shoes. I have a whole thing about shoes.
Candy, Grenda and Mabel (Take off their shoes)
Celestabellebethabelle Ah, ah! I'm talking to everyone!
Wendy (Grudgingly takes off her shoes)
Mabel Celestabellebethabelle, we have journeyed far and wide--
Grenda About an hour!
Mabel On a mission to protect our family with your magical hair!
Candy (Standing next to Celestabellebethabelle) This is your chance, Candy. Lick the neck. Lick it... (Tries to lick it)
Celestabellebethabelle Very well. To receive a lock of my enchanted hair, step forth, girl of pure perfect heart.
Mabel Presenting: bum buh da bum bum ba bum bum! (Kneels) Mabel!
Celestabellebethabelle What? You? A unicorn can see deep inside your heart, child. (Points at Mabel with her horn and her chest glows with a heart)
Mabel Whoa! (Covers her chest)
Celestabellebethabelle And you have done wrong. WRONG I say!
Mabel I guess I do make fun of Dipper a lot. And I did just shatter a window with a crossbow.
Celestabellebethabelle Your bad deeds make me cry. (Her eyes well up, and a tear lands on a flower, killing it)
Mabel NOOO!
Celestabellebethabelle Come back when you're PURE OF HEART. NEEEIIGGGHH! Exit is that way. Shoes, shoes, take your shoes. This isn't some... some... shoe store.
The humans leave and the gate closes.
Grenda Hey, Mabel, don't let her get to you.
Wendy Yeah, I wouldn't trust a horse that wears makeup.
Mabel No, girls, she's right. I used to be one of the sweetest people I knew, but recently I've been slacking in the whole goodness department. Well, today we're gonna fix it. From this moment forth I'm gonna do so many good deeds, I'll have the purest heart in Gravity Falls! (Pumps fist in the air and accidentally punches a bird out of the air) That... that bird is fine.
Cut to Ford's lab. Ford hooks Dipper up to the mind machine.
Dipper So what is Bill, exactly? (Picks up the "Cipher File" and starts reading it)
Ford No one knows for sure. Accounts differ of his true motivations and origins. I know he's older than our galaxy and far more twisted. Without a physical form, he can only project himself into our thoughts through the mindscape. That's why he wants this. (Holds up interdimensional rift) I dismantled the portal, but with this, Bill has a way into our reality. To get his hands on this rift, he would trick or possess anyone.
Dipper So how do we keep Bill out of our minds?
Ford Well, there's a number of ways. I personally had a metal plate installed in my head.
Dipper Heheh. Good one.
Ford (Knocks the side of his head, making a metallic sound)
Dipper (Coughs and clears his throat)
Ford But this machine is safer. It will scan your mind, bioelectrically encrypting your thoughts so that Bill can't read them. (Turns it on) Now say hello to your thoughts.
Dipper (On machine:) Oh, man, I can't believe I'm with the author. Is my fly down? (Singing:) DISCO GIRL! COMING THROUGH! (Talking:) Wendy. Wendy. Wendy. Wendy. (Speaking to Ford:) You might wanna... ignore that last one. By the way, you never told me what your history with Bill was.
Ford Dipper, do you trust me?
Dipper Well, yeah, but-
Ford Then you'll trust that that's not important. Now, focus. It's time to strengthen your mind.
Cut to Candy, Grenda, Mabel and Wendy on the sidewalk.
Mabel Alright, Mabel, it's time to strengthen your heart.
Montage: Mabel picks snails off the sidewalk and puts them on leaves. Mabel digs a hole and Grenda puts a tree in it. Toby Determined tries to come outside but the tree has blocked his door. Mabel puts a giant smiley face sticker on Stan's face. He screams. Mabel donates several pints of blood, then faints. Mabel stops traffic for some ducks to cross, paints glitter on the statue of Nathaniel Northwest, fills Lazy Susan's tip jar, and she, Candy, Grenda, and Wendy help a woman with her groceries.
Singer (Over montage) Share a smile!

Dream a dream!

Doing some good deeds!

Share a smile!

Plant a tree!

Doing some good deeds!

Halt! And smile!

Love them tight!

Doing good deeds!

Mabel (Looking at a checklist of good deeds) Boom! A thousand good deeds!
Candy, Grenda and Wendy (Cheer)
Mabel When that unicorn scans my heart, she's gonna say I'm absolutely, one hundred percent, bona fide-
Cut to Celestabellebethabelle's fortress.
Celestabellebethabelle Not pure of heart.
Mabel Booyah! Wait, what?
Wendy How is that even possible? Mabel's a straight up saint, you judgmental hoofbag!
Mabel Please, tell me what I'm doing wrong!
Celestabellebethabelle Doing good deeds to make yourself look better isn't good at all. Not to mention you're crushing, like, ten dandelions right now. Those are basically children's dreams.
Mabel (Gets off the dandelions and gasps)
Celestabellebethabelle I'm sorry, Mabel. It's not my fault you're a bad person.
Candy, Grenda and Wendy (Gasp)
Mabel (Runs off crying)
Wendy Mabel, wait! Come back!
Celestabellebethabelle Now if you'll excuse me, I have a 3 o'clock posing in front of a rainbow. (Poses in front of a rainbow) NeigheighEIGHEIGHeigheigh.
Cut to Mabel lying down outside. Candy, Grenda and Wendy walk up to her.
Wendy Come on, Mabel. Don't beat yourself up about this.
Candy Let's forget about getting that dumb unicorn hair.
Mabel It's not about the hair anymore, guys. It's about me. Being kind and sweet is what makes me who I am. If I'm not a good person, who am I? I'm not leaving this spot until I think of a deed that makes me as good as Celestabellebethabelle.
Candy But, Mabel.
Mabel Just leave me be.
Wendy Pst. (Ushers Candy and Grenda away) Guys, if you ask me, this whole thing is a serious load. Mabel's like the best person I've ever met. We tried getting that hair the good way. Now it's time we try the Wendy way.
Grenda Are you suggesting violence? Sabotage?
Candy Mabel's not going to like that.
Wendy Mabel doesn't need to know. Look, it's time we stop trying to be so "perfect" and be who we really are. We're crazed, angry, sweaty animals! We're not unicorns, we're WOMEN! AND WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT! (Punches a tree)
Candy and Grenda Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Grenda (Smashes a rock on her head) Too much?
Wendy Here's what we're gonna do.
Cut to Gnasty's.
Gnome Get me a flaggon of your daintiest honeysuckle, please.
Bartender I'm gonna need to see some ID.
Wendy (Kicks the door open)
Gnome 2 It's the cops! Hit the deck!
Wendy I'm lookin' for someone who knows how to take down a unicorn! No tricks or games!
Candy (Smashes a bottle) We are human! We take what we want!
Grenda Yeah!
Gnome 3 Fairy dust. A whole magic bag's enough to put a unicorn out cold. But if I do you a favor, you gotta do somethin' for me.
Grenda Just, spill it, half-pint!
Gnome 3 Butterfly trafficking is illegal in this part of the forest, but I like butterflies. They tickle my face and make me laugh. Bring me a bag of butterflies and we got a deal.
Grenda and Wendy (Nod)
Cut to a net grabbing a butterfly. Cut back to Gnasty's. Grenda approaches the gnome and gives him the bag of butterflies.
Gnome 3 Two bags of fairy dust, just like we agreed.
Grenda Where do you get this stuff?
Gnome 3 Everyone likes sausage, but no one likes to know how it's made.
Grenda You disgust me.
Gnome 3 You got your poison; I got mine; we made a deal.
Grenda Yeah, well, the deal is OFF!
Several policemen gnomes run out of the bushes.
Policeman Freeze! You're under arrest! Get down! Get down!
Gnome 3 These butterflies aren't mine! I swear! I've been framed!
Policeman Tell it to the adorable owl we've dressed as a judge. (To Grenda:) My cut.
Grenda (Gives him one of the bags)
Cut to Mabel.
Mabel (Writing in her notepad) Good deeds. Good deeds. Aww that's not good enough! Come on, Mabel, you can do better than that!
Candy, Grenda and Wendy (Enter Celestabellebethabelle's house)
Celestabellebethabelle (Reading Whinny, Pray, Trot) Oh sure, sure, I wish I could travel, but it's just not feasible in this economy- (Gets hit with the fairy dust) What the hey?! (Faints)
Faun (Nervously plays S.O.S in morse code on pipes)
Grenda (Puts a towel over its mouth) Sleep now! Sleeeeep. (Pulls the faun away as it loses consciousness)
Wendy (Takes scissors and some of Celestabellebethabelle's hair)
Mabel (Enters the fortress) No wait! Stop!
Wendy Mabel! Shh! You'll wake her up!
Mabel (Takes scissors) But this is wrong, guys!
Wendy But protecting the Shack is good.
Celestabellebethabelle (Gets up and sees Mabel with the scissors) What? Doth mine eyes deceive me? Thief! You shall never be pure of heeeaart!
Mabel No! You don't understand! I just want to be good like you!
Blue unicorn (Offscreen:) Whoa, whoa, whoa, you gotta be kidding me. (Enters with the red unicorn) Yo, C-beth, are you seriously pulling this "pure of heart" scam again?
Red unicorn That is messed up, man.
Mabel Wait, scam?
Red unicorn Kid, unicorns can't see into your heart. All our dumb horns can do is glow, point towards the nearest rainbow and play rave music. (Plays music)
Blue unicorn Yeah, the whole "pure of heart" racket is just a line we use to get humans to leave us alone.
Celestabellebethabelle Guuuyys. Shut uuupp.
Mabel (Crushes notepad) All this time. All this time I thought I was a bad person. But you're even worse than I am! (Throws the notepad with "Mabel's Sins" written on it to the ground)
Candy, Grenda and Wendy (Gasp)
Celestabellebethabelle Okay, fine. So you learned our secret. We're jerks, okay? We have more hair than we know what to do with, and we keep it to ourselves just to tick humans off. (Mockingly:) What are you gonna do about it, huh, huh? What are ya gonna DO?
Mabel (Punches Celestabellebethabelle)
Celestabellebethabelle Oh!
Candy, Grenda and Wendy (Gasp)
Wendy WHOO! Go Mabel!
Grenda Join the dark side!
Mabel (Growls and tears the unicorn image off of her sweater)
Candy, Grenda and Wendy Fight! Fight! Fight!
Celestabellebethabelle Oh. So it's a fight you want. Well, then it's a fight you're gonna get!
The humans and the unicorns run at each other. Cut to Ford's lab, where a screen says "SCANNING THOUGHTS 15%."
Dipper Ugh, this is taking forever. How long have I been doing this for? (Sees that Ford is asleep) Why does he have to be so mysterious about Bill? I can handle the truth. (Thoughts on machine:) I wonder what Great Uncle Ford is thinking. Use the machine! It'll show you his thoughts. (Speaking:) I shouldn't... (On machine:) He won't know. He's going to tell you eventually. The more you know about Bill, the more you can help. (Speaking:) Man, I am really good at rationalizing. (On machine:) Yes, you are; yes, you are; yes, you are; yes, you are. (Puts the helmet on Ford's head; speaking:) Just a little peek. What are you hiding about Bill?
Bill appears on the screen, cackling. Screen changes to Stanford moving around in his sleep. Smaller screens show the portal and Fiddleford McGucket yelling at Ford.
McGucket Where are these ideas coming from? Who are you working with?!
Screens change to Ford writing "I'M LOSING," "MY MIND," and "TRUST NO ONE" in the journal.
Stan (Voice on machine:) My brother is a dangerous know-it-all...
Ford (On machine:) He would trick or possess anyone... (As a young man:) Then it's a deal. From now until the end of time.
Bill (Holding out hand, which is on fire) Just let me into your mind, Stanford.
Ford Please, call me... (Shaking hands) a friend.
Bill (Possessing Ford, cackling)
Dipper FORD AND BILL?! (Gasps)
Ford (Stands up) You shouldn't have done that. (Takes off helmet and throws it, knocking down a curtain, revealing many items depicting Bill)
Dipper Why- why were you shaking hands with Bill? (Picks up interdimensionsal rift) You said Bill could possess anyone so he could get this. (The rift slips out of his hand, and he catches it) Ahh!
Ford Careful! Hand me the rift! Now, boy!
Dipper (Backing away) Why were you really scanning my thoughts? (Aims memory erasing gun at Ford) Are you Bill right now?!
Ford Now just-just calm down, P-
Dipper (scared) PINE TREE?! IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE GONNA CALL ME?!
Ford I was just going to say "please", kid!
Dipper (Stops at the end of the room) Great Uncle Ford told me to protect the rift! Get one step closer and I'll shoot! I'll erase you right out of Ford's head!
Ford It's me, Dipper. It's your uncle!
Dipper (Charging gun) Trust no one, trust no one, trust...
Ford Hand it to me!
The gun fires at Ford, but bounces off his glasses and around the room, finally destroying one of the screens.
Dipper (Tries to pick up the memory erasing gun)
Ford (Picks Dipper up before he can get the gun)
Dipper (Trying to hit him) Let go of me!
Ford Now-now just calm down. Calm down! (adjusts his glasses) Look into my eyes! Look at my pupils. It's me, Dipper. It's me. (Sets him down)
Dipper (Sighs) I tried to erase your mind. I'm so sorry.
Ford It's okay, Dipper. Besides, my mind can't be erased, anyway, remember? (Knocks the side of his head) If I really was Bill, though, you would've done great. I should of been more like you when I was young. Dipper, I was a fool to try to hide all this. The reason I've been trying to prepare you for Bill's tricks is that Bill tricked me. It's the biggest regret of my life. Bill wasn't always my enemy, Dipper. I used to think he was my friend. Long, long ago. (Flashback to Ford as a young man in front of a printer) I had hit a road block in my investigation of Gravity Falls. (Punches the drawing of the question mark he had made on his chalkboard; cut to him in a cave) Until I found some mysterious writing in a cave. Ancient incantations about a being with answers. It warned me not to read them, but I was desperate. I read the inscription aloud. But nothing happened. Until later that afternoon, when I had the most peculiar dream. (Ford is sleeping under a tree. The knots on the trees become Bill eyes and the rest of the backround fades into abstraction. Journals and pages are floating about randomly. Ford gets up and walks around.)
Bill (Comes up behind him) Hiya, smart guy! (Circles around him) Woah, don't have a heart attack, you're not 92 yet.
Ford (In flashback) Who are you?
Bill Name's Bill! And your name's Stanford Pines, the man who changed the world, but I'm getting ahead of ourselves; let's relax! Care for a game of interdimensional chess? (Chessboard appears) Have a cup of tea (Teapot pours tea into a teacup).
Ford (Voice-over from the present:) He told me he was a muse. That he chose one brilliant mind a century to inspire. What a fool I was. Blinded by his flattery and games. He became my research assistant. He was free to move in and out of my mind as he pleased. (Cut to Ford summoning Bill, who possesses him.) We were partners. (Cut to Ford and Bill in the mindscape, doing an equation with a picture of the Universe portal next to it) When he told me I could complete my research by building a gateway to other worlds, I trusted him. He said this was the way genius happened. Little help from a friend. (Cut to Ford and McGucket in front of the portal) It seems that I was on the verge of my greatest achievement! (The portal activates; cut to Ford with McGucket, who is unconscious) Until my partner got a glimpse of Bill's true plans. (Cut to Ford approaching Bill) Bill! You lied to me! Where does that portal really lead?
Bill (Looking at what looks like a scar in space with dark shapes in it) Hoho! Looks like Mr. Brainiac finally got smart! Let's just say that when that portal finishes charging up, your dimension is gonna learn how to party! (To the scar:) Right, guys?
Roaring and cackling is heard from the scar.
Ford No! I'll stop you! I'll SHUT IT DOWN!
Bill A deal's a deal, Sixer! You can't stop a bridge between our worlds from coming, but it would be fun to watch you try! Cute even!
Ford (Wakes up, shocked) I'd been betrayed. I shut the portal down, (Cut to Ford shutting the portal down) severing the link between Bill's world and ours. I had to hide my instructions so no one could ever finish Bill's work. (Cut to the present) Bill's been waiting for the gateway to reopen ever since. All he needs to do is get his hands on this rift. To Bill, it's just a game, but to us, it would mean the end of our world.
Dipper Oh, man.
Ford Oh, man, indeed.
Cut to Dipper and Ford in the living room drinking Pitt Cola.
Dipper Ugh, I'm so embarrassed about earlier. I'm such an idiot.
Ford From now on, no more secrets between us. We're not the first two idiots to be tricked by Bill, boy. But if we work together, we could be the last.
Dipper But what about Bill? I broke the machine! Now we have no way to protect the shack!
Mabel (Slams the unicorn hair on the table) Did someone say "unicorn hair"?!
Candy, Grenda, Mabel and Wendy are behind her. They are all beat up and covered in unicorn fluids and tears.
Dipper Uh, no, actually?
Mabel Oh. That would have been perfect. Either way we got some unicorn hair! (Waves it in Dipper's face)
Candy Also some unicorn tears, unicorn eyelashes... (Gestures to Grenda, who has unicorn eyelashes)
Grenda They finally gave us this treasure just to get rid of us! (Dumps treasure on table)
Ford It... can't be! This is a great day, girls! With this unicorn hair, we should be able to completely shield the shack from Bill's mind-reading tricks!
Mabel Is it okay?
Ford Better than okay; it's perfect! You've protected your family. You're a good person, Mabel.
Mabel Thanks, Grunkle Ford, but today I learned that morality is relative.
Stan (Runs in and grabs the treasure) MONEY!! (Runs away)
End credits: Dipper and Ford are in the yard. Dipper finishes stretching the unicorn hair around the shack. A force field forms around the shack.
Ford Perfect! This will protect us from Bill! As long as we're inside, our minds are safe.
Bill (Watching them from the mindscape) I guess I can't possess anyone inside the shack, so I'll just have to find my next pawn on the (Voice gets lower:) OUTSIDE. (Eye flashes between several characters)

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