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Transcript This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Triangles." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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NOTE: Old Man McGucket is the only one actually present at all times. All other speakers speak only on the TV, and are part of clips from previous episodes. When another character is talking or appears, assume that the focus has cut from McGucket to the screen, and when McGucket is talking, unless specified otherwise, assume that the focus is back on him.

Open with bulletin board. McGucket shoots up, upside down, with a whistling sound effect.
McGucket Sometimes I stand on my head to get idears. A-perkalating up in my brain. (Spin transition; laughs) Creative juices. (Clip of McGucket wearing glasses, spitting into a bucket) Yesterday, I was looking around, see, (Clip of Dipper in the attic of the Mystery Shack, reading his journal in front of the window that looks like Bill Cipher, then to Soos and Dipper and then to the window, circled with flashing, yellow arrows pointing towards it) and I noticed a window in the Mystery Shack shaped like a big ol' triangle with an eyeball in it. (Cut to clip of him dancing on top of a car) Now I can't stop thinking about triangles. (Clips of the universe portal, Bill Cipher, Mabel wearing her nacho earrings and Soos holding his infinity pizza) Portals, demons, nacho earrings, infinity pizza. (Cut back to McGucket, then to traffic cones which have faces form on them) I have a theory that roadside cones are trying to take over the world. (Back to McGucket) Lousy shapes!

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